Knights of Badassdom. This was fun, cheesy and low-budget. The plot is like if you tried to film a bunch of nerds acting out a Manowar album and it's hysterical. There is nothing serious about this, it's not going to blow you away with special effects, and it's fucking awesome. Also, it's pretty short at 85 minutes. It'll remind you of dozens of 80's horror movies, without ripping them off. Worth watching, just to see Tyrion on shrooms.
It's always nice to see a great cast like that do a complete piece of shit script and elevate it to something watchable. If it had been unknown actors, it would have looked like the AV club from the local highschool running around in the woods. But add Dinklage, Ryan Kwanten, Steve Zahn, Danny Pudi, Summer Glau (drool), and the less weird looking McPoyle brother, and it became entertaining. 6/10, so bad it's decent.
300: Rise of an Empire 1) Did you watch 300 thinking "What the fuck are the other Greeks doing?" If Yes, continue to question 2. 2) Did you watch 300 and think "Man, I need like...95 more minutes of this, but with another female character and the motivation of Xerxes." If Yes, continue to question 3. 3) Did you watch 300 and think "Well, I need this to be a little less homoerotic, few less weird creatures, monsters and freaks." If Yes, continue to question 4. 4) Did you watch 300 and think "I think these guys have a few too cute catch phrases for hardened warriors, no one talks like that." If you have answered Yes two or more of these questions, go see this movie. I saw it in 3D which in all half-assed non Avatar/Pixar 3D movies was cool for like 15 minutes, then you (and the movie apparently) totally forget about it. 8/10.
Blue Jasmine. Cate Blanchett's husband is a Bernie Madoff type, and when he goes to prison she has to move in with her working class sister. OK. You tune in for performances, Woody Allen's wit, maybe a couple uncomfortable laughs. Let's sum this up easy. Characters are too real, everyone here on this board knows at least one of the scumbags presented, and except for the greaseball shlubs should be set on fire. Also, the most uncomfortable movie ever. Blanchett deserved the Oscar. She completely lost herself in a fairly difficult role. She had to become really unlikable. No, like, really unlikable. The worst, most solipsistic person in the world in the throes of a complete mental breakdown. However, you root for no one. You kind of root for the sister for a second, then you realize she's a piece of shit too. The sister's ex-husband and her new boyfriend, by the end of the movie you just want to cry for them. They're presented as crude, uncultured working class jerks, but by the end they're the only two human beings. My god I'm fucking depressed. Damn movie is 95 minutes, but it felt interminable. You were completely sucked into this woman's ball of delusion and disgust. I highly suggest watching a few clips, but that's it. Forget the rest. It's like allowing into your life the worst characteristics, amplified, of the worst people you know. It's like living in South Florida for an hour and a half. I am really depressed. Actually sick in my stomach. Fuck that movie.
That is why I hate Oscar season: all of the movies are depressing in some fundamental way. 300 2. 299? 298? 302? What the hell ever, Rise of an Empire. If you watch this, go to a theatre. It's dumb, loud and silly, so watching it on a computer/small screen at reasonable volume kills it. First, the original was more...coherent, as it focused on a single series of events. This one happens both before, during and after the Thermopylae battle, so it's harder to follow, and it's only tangentially related to Sparta. The dialog sounds like lyrics to a Manowar album written by Homer. It looks Goddamned amazing. The key thing to remember about Frank Miller's tales is that they are depicted as told, not as lived. So, everything is exaggerated and made larger than life, which translates into a stunning spectacle. The acting is ho-hum, the plot is tenuous at best, and the music is too drum-heavy. The violence, however, is top-notch and if they could just figure out how to animate blood so it doesn't look like grape jelly in zero gravity, this would be one of the top movies in the genre I like to call "Fuck listening to them talk, listen to Slayer in concert and pretend this is the music video." If you liked the first one, enjoyed "Commando" as a child or want to watch a bunch of body builders slap the fuck out of each other, this is great fun. If you watch this and "12 Years A Slave" in the same month, your Netflix will look like the mouth of madness. Expect to be blown away in the sense of Transformers: hilariously decadent and unrealistic violence, and little else.
300: Rise of an Empire Yeah, this was about what you would expect. Lots of mindless slaughter, little in the way of story telling. I think I liked the battles from the first movie a bit better, but they're comparable and the movie at least does a pretty damn good job of accomplishing what it set out to do. I was happy to see Lena Headey having so little screen time in this one. I like her in game of thrones, but absolutely cannot fucking stand her in anything else. As often as they do the whole petite 100 pound beautiful warrior woman thing I just can't take it seriously, even in a movie like this that obviously isn't going for realism. If you want to have a warrior woman put some roided out looking she beast out there. Whatever. All that said, Eva Green was still the best part of the movie. I found it entertaining, but I do think they could have added another 20 minutes to the movie to focus a tad more on the story, even if this was just centered on the violence.
Bad Words Jason Bateman plays a 40 year old who dropped out of school in 8th grade and finds a loophole to compete in spelling bees. It is revealed at the start of the film that he has a reason for wanting to compete in them, but we don't find out what it is until the end. Overall I found it to be a funny film, and I liked Bateman's performance. The movie stayed in the comedy genre for the most part and didn't really dig into Bateman's reason for wanting to compete in the spelling bees, but it might have been for the better. The movie could have been been raunchier and pushed the envelope more than it did (I think that the R rating came mainly from the profanity), but the laughs were coming consistently for the entire 90 minutes. I recommend seeing it. 7.5/10
Captain America: The Winter Soldier Of all of Marvel's movies, this was probably the most relevant. It's also probably the best one since Iron Man in 2008. It doesn't have too many comic book moments, it's a pretty captivating spy thriller, just with GI Joe style technology and silly costumes. The action is also unrealistic, but what do you expect? The acting is solid across the board, and this entry delves into the character's discontent at the lack of ethics in the agency he works for. It's not really sexy or funny in any significant way, but it's a decent criticism of the uber-powerful military machine in the NSA age for a comic book adaptation. Also, the Falcon suit didn't look as cool as Iron Man's, but fucking fun just the same. There weren't any other cameos that I noticed, but I'm sure there were plenty of easter eggs and loose ends to tie into the show and other films. Worth a watch if you don't mind a blend of Bourne and GI Joe, with better acting than the latter. As an aside, Robert Redford looked like hamburger meat slung against a lumpy cheese explosion on a pizza. Shouldn't put him next to Chris Evans and Scarlet Johannson again.
Amazing Spiderman 2 Saw the first one about a month ago with the kid, and we went and saw the second one today. I don't mean any ill to Tobey Maguire, I'm sure he's a nice dude and fine actor. But I hated his Spiderman with the flames of a thousand suns. Andrew Garfield is...well...amazing in this role. I am crossing my fingers they will make more of them.
Godzilla is awesome. Human characters that don't make you want to pull your fingernails out, a decent plot, and hot monster on monster action. Very good suspense building throughout the movie. The director understands that even though everyone knows what's coming, you can still create suspense, and it's worth it to try.
X-men: Days of Future Past. This is the sequel you've been waiting for. It mixes elements from all other X-films and does so pretty well. The story is divided into the future, where we see a lot of the characters kicking ass, and 1973, where we see the familiar elements from First Class in more dramatic pursuits. I will say that you should have seen all of the other movies for this one to make any kind of sense and to pick up on the metric shit-ton of Easter eggs. There are a ton of characters, this movie could have been four hours long. They pared down the immensity of the story and cast to a respectable length and used it to close up some loopholes opened in the earlier films. No lie, this was the best X film so far, and the main cast (McAvoy, Fassbender, Lawrence, Jackman, and of course, Dinklage) killed it. It's worth $10, all day long.
X-Men: Days of Future Past It was really good, definitely a perfect way to mix the two casts together. The climax with Magneto controlling the sentinels was awesome. You have to love Jackman's dedication to the character. Good acting, great action, and a pretty decent story. There are however, some glaring plot holes: Spoiler -Wait, where did old Professor X come from? He was vaporized at the end of X3. There was a post-credits scene in X3 where he transferred his consciousness to another body, but why does it look like him and why is he still crippled? -If the Sentinel program existed all along in the original timeline, where were they in X1, X2, X3? All of a sudden in 2023 the world is destroyed? I know the newest Wolverine movie had a scene leading into this movie, but its a huge retcon. -Didnt Magneto lose his powers at the end of X3? Yeah he moved chess piece, but what? Maybe Im too cynical and shouldnt let it factor in because I still love the movie, but its a little sloppy. 8/10
A Million Ways to Suck Has anybody seen this yet? I was really excited to see this, but now I've heard several people say it is a total misfire - just a constant stream of jokes that were just "meh."
Re: A Million Ways to Suck I hear the exact same thing. I'm skeptical about it, but some say its funny. I'm guessing its not nearly as good as Ted.
Re: A Million Ways to Suck I went in knowing it got mediocre reviews, and had rather low expectations. I actually ended up really enjoying it, and I can't really say why. It was definitely more cohesive plot-wise than I was expecting, but other than that I just thought that most of the jokes hit. I'd say go give it a watch.
I would say it is worth it to go to the late show(gets out after midnight) and I had to be up at 6:30.
A Million Ways to Die in the West I'm not a big fan of Seth MacFarlane, however I went to watch this with my wife because she wanted to see it. The movie is broken down into three distinct acts- 1. 45 minutes of juvenile one liners 2. 45 minutes of chick flick 3. 30 minutes of western. There were maybe three funny jokes in the entire thing. MacFarlane is a terrible actor, and his character/portrayal of said character didn't fit in at all. Neil Patrick Harris plays Barney Stinson with a mustache. The women are pretty forgettable. The movie was at least a half hour too long. it was kind of like 5 episodes of family guy in a row. It starts out with a couple of funny jokes, and after a while you just want to turn it off. I would wait for this one to come out on NetFlix. 3.5/10 Spoiler I loved the scene with Doc Brown and the Delorian. There was also a guy that got off on having his mustache sucked. That made me laugh pretty hard.
I know I'm 6 months late to the party, but I saw Wolf of Wall Street last night. I took the entirely wrong message away from it. It was amazing. Two solid hours of drugs, hookers, tits, midget tossing, Margot Robie's rocking tits, and Jonah Hill jacking off. Hill, by the way, stole the whole fucking show. Hands down the funniest thing I have seen in a year was the Popeye Spinach scene. I kept saying "No fucking way is this happening!" Remember Martin Scorsese, a true auteur, filmed this: Spoiler Jonah Hill, high as fuck on quaaludes, choking on a chunk of ham. DiCaprio, also high on ludes, unable to walk, sees Popeye on the TV, manages to crack open a vile of cocaine as Popeye is chugging spinach. The music fires up, Popeye and DiCaprio sync up. He inhales a shitload of coke. BAM, he shoots up with enough energy to save the fucking day. Here is a clip of the retard from Gilbert Grape blowing cocaine into a hooker's asshole DURING THE INTRO. This movie got 5 Oscar Nominations. I FUCKING LOVE AMERICA. That's my review. 9/10.
Honestly? I feel like you just missed the joke. The entire point of MacFarlane's character is to not fit in. He's meant to be the outsider who clashes with everyone around him on every level. I didn't think it was a brilliant movie or anything. You really need to be a fan of MacFarlane for it to be good. But if you like family guy and Ted? It's a solid movie. If you think MacFarlane is an unfunny one joke clown - and honestly, I kind of like him, but it's a fair criticism... But if that's your starting opinion? This movie isn't going to change your mind. If you do like MacFarlane's shtick, it's a solid 6.5 and good for an afternoon with fuck all else to do.