Do be on time. People's time is valuable and it's important to respect that. Do understand that we are two different people. We are not going to agree on everything all the time. It's okay. Do have your own friends, interests, and hobbies. I want you to be friends with my friends and to like them but you need to have your own as well. Do communicate with me and be honest. If you're pissed off, let me know. Don't let shit fester and eat at you until you explode. If I ask you something tell the truth. I hate a liar. Do respect my time. This applies to when we are together and when we aren't. I need time to do activities I like such as playing hockey, cycling, music, etc. Do have ambition. I like a woman who has her own dreams and aspirations. Having kids and maintaining a household doesn't count. That's not a dream to be fulfilled. That's shit everyone does and a lousy excuse to be lazy and not pursue anything with your life. Don't disrespect my mother or my family. If you do, it's not going to last.
Oops, forgot one. If I get a tattoo, anywhere any kind, I will find myself divorced. Like Ms. Funball here, I'm fairly sure he's serious. My nose ring pre-dates him, and if I took it out he'd throw a party.
Are you both married to the "Sleeping with the Enemy" guy? Does he get angry if the hand towels are not perfectly symmetrical? Call me a jerk, but if someone was that hostile towards a restaurant happy birthday, I'd go out of my way to do it on days that wasn't even their birthday. Plus, where the fuck are you eating that still does that? This mentality also kind of bothers me. "I love everything about this person EXCEPT FOR *ridiculously long list*, but they're my everything." I see a ton of it. I even pulled that shit myself then realized to why even bother. Here is my list: Don't be a needy bother. That's about it. If I'm going to enter into a relationship (which, as far as things look this year, taint going to happen in the foreseeable future) I'm going to do it with someone whose idiosyncrasies and foibles are ones that aren't deal breakers. Yeah, yeah I know; naive. I also believe in true love, unicorns, world peace, and nuclear disarmament. Some of the things mentioned here turn my stomach. I can't imagine going through all that nonsense again. Not this fuck. Not anymore. As Cormac McCarthy wrote, "Goddamn Kafka on wheels." I'd rather be alone.
Me and the wife have had major arguments over just the opposite. I am an on-time to ten minute early guy. Because I'm not an asshole. My wife on the other hand has to get every-fucking-where 45 minutes early. Its fucking painful. Why sit in a movie theater for a half an hour before the fucking previews start? What do you want me to do,,,, talk to you? Why get to the fucking airport two hours early? Are you queing in the security line behind a sleeper cell of Zarwakawi's nephews, or are we going early because I missed my last colonoscopy and the minimum wage extra who was in Idiocracy is spelunking for my prostate? Because other than that, there is no fucking way we need to be at a goddamn airport two hours before a domestic flight leaves. Do you like watching me pay for 12 dollar shots of shitty service because I'm pissed off that I could still be laying on the couch watching Two Guys a Girl and Pizza Place re-runs? We get to peoples houses early and have to watch them cook. We sit in restaurants waiting for other parties to arrive. We wait in front of Costco on a Saturday morning because it hasn't opened yet. We get to doctor's appointments a half an hour early,,,, even though you end up in total waiting for over an hour to see a fucking doctor. At that point, I hope I have cancer of the aids. Just so I know it will all be over soon. She doesn't understand that it goes the other way as well. By getting everywhere early, she is carelessly abusing my time. A few years ago,, I just decided to stop going certain places with her,, or just drive separately.
... Ever considered getting her tested for Asperger's? Or at least using that as a valid point in your argument?
She's no where close to Asperger's or OCD. Millions of miles away from it. Okay maybe not millions, she does wake up at the same time every morning. Without an alarm clock. The whole thing stems from it being ingrained into her head from her father, and her knowing that being early is a good thing. But what she doesn't understand is it is exactly the opposite of it being a virtue when you are negatively affecting other peoples lives because you've taken it too far. And lets be fair, its like the funny quote about Alcoholism by Dennis Miller... "If you gotta get a disease, Alcoholism is a pretty good one" Sorta like this. Getting there early seems virtuous, but when you're screaming at me because I haven't put on pants yet and we're not going to get to your friends house till 2:35 for a 3 pm barbeque.. You need to calm the fuck down and remember your Lemaze breathing technique you learned from your midwife in San Fran back in 95. (I'm not kidding) Its probably also a little bit of the other thing that we hardly ever talk about in today's culture. Sometimes when you do something, people define you as that person and it becomes a part of who you are. If you meet someone for the first time and they find it astounding that you're Bee Keeper, every time they talk to you, you end up talking about honey. Even though you saw two tours in Nam, raised a family, are an award winning Cern astrophysicist, and have a fetish for furries who use early colonial doorknobs (pre 1776) as benwah balls tied to a miniature trebuchet so it sounds like a fucking AK-47 going off on full auto when they are rocketed out of their asshole when you pull the handle. But to that guy... You're just the interesting dude who isn't afraid of bee's and gave you a home made jar of honey once that he found delightful. (his words, not mine) Sometimes we turn into those people, because its what we are defined by. She's the girl who's never late, always early, and everyone knows she would never be late to anything. So she never will allow herself to be late.
Aside from not being late, this thread literally describes how I got married. I mean literally. I'm gonna try to keep this short and sweet I imagine I've had one of the most unique first dates ever. I took her to a restaurant, and the unique part is what we discussed. Fortunately, her and I both credit that conversation directly with us being married, happily and more importantly drama-free (as much as any married couple can say that). I took her to dinner because I wanted in her pants. She agreed because apparently she wanted in mine. But she was so far out of my league, physically, that I decided "fuck it, I got nothing to lose and only happiness to gain" so our dinner conversation revolved entirely around what we do and don't want in a prospective date, relationship, eventual partner in marriage (which we both agreed is what we were looking for). This is from about 5 years ago, but I still fairly vividly remember the conversation, where we traded off bullet point "yes" and "no's" so this list is about 80% accurate to my actual quotes. Don't: - Be late. It's disrespectful. If you don't understand why, I don't understand you and probably never will. - Answer your cell phone or text at the table while we are dating. Later on maybe, not right now though - Put the toilet paper on backwards. Loose end goes over the top of the roll, always. - Lie. If something comes up, something happens, anything, tell me the truth. It may suck, but it'll suck a lot worse once you're single because you're a fucking liar. - Overdo your makeup. You don't have a lot on now so I can tell you don't have any major physical scars to cover up. Most of dating is being physically attracted to someone. I'm attracted to you right now, so this works. I didn't ask Sephora on a date, I asked you. (I remember the last line as a verbatim quote.) - Argue with me in public. That's embarrassing and you're doing it so that it is such. If you want to argue about something, we can discuss it in private. You know what's more embarrassing than arguing in public? Me breaking up with you while we're in public. - Interfere with my profession. I found it before you, I will stay with it long after you. Right now, it comes before you. I love it, and not you, at least not right now. Though if we made out later that would be perfectly fine by me. (Again, I remember the last bit verbatim bc my wife still laughs about it.) - Try to make me vegetarian or vegan or any of that hippie shit. I love to fish and hunt and catch and kill things and then eat them because I am a man and smarter and powerful than them and thus I can. You can watch Desperate Housewives of Wherever while I do that; I don't care. I'm always gonna have killed-by-me meat and caught-by-me fish in the freezer. I might not eat it immediately, but I will eventually; until I do, it will sit there as a trophy to my triumph over nature. (She co-signed on this by informing me that her family watches NASCAR while wearing camo on the couch "to relax") .... That's all I can think of right now. I'll have to talk to my wife and dig up some more. It was a long dinner conversation, and she gave as good as she got. (Though, admittedly, and to my pleasure, her list went more like "DO: let me clean the way I want, let me organize the house if I live with you (my rebuttal to her: "what do you mean 'organize'?", let me do the dishes, let me shop for the groceries, let me cook everything that doesn't involve the grill because that's your territory" etc.... YES PLEASE!!!)
I will assume you have tried beating her without success. We work on the same time frame, be on time. It seems to work. All of our friends know it’s not worth being late with me, if you are 15 minutes late, I’m gone and you can get fucked, unless you call with a good reason. They all understand this and joke about it, loving it when I’m 1 minute late. But ultimately they have been trained with tailored negative reinforcement. Back on topic. Probably the only thing I can think about is social rules. I’m a lot more social and am the kind of guy if left to my own devices would happily invite half a dozen people around for dinner with no warning, she hates this so I don’t do it. Left to her own devices we would never have anyone around, this would be intolerable to me. So I have agreed to provide reasonable notice and she has agreed not to be a bitch about having her space invaded from time to time. (She likes to socialize just not at our place)
No shit. When you are actually married "divorce" is a pretty goddamn harsh threat if they mean it. You can't take 30 second of some flair-festooned, smiling-without-using-their-eyes sad sacks in Houlihans singing some birthday-offshoot tune? THAT calls in the mediators? I sang "El Scorcho" in front of a thousand people, all my wife did was yell "You suck!!!" the whole time. I didn't suck, by the way I was just shitfaced. It was in good fun. My wife has four tattoos, over a dozen piercings. I don't know why one piercing or one tattoo would make a guy go impulsively nuts. The word "lame" springs to mind.
Have you ever had someone force their yum on you? This is one the few gripes I have in my current relationship. We live together and have only one television. She likes to watch "Teen Mom" and "Two Broke Girls". I'm not a fan of either. I've told her I will sit on the couch and share the space with you to read or listen to my headphones. Apparently that's not good enough; we should be watching the show together. I don't ask her to watch "South Park" or college basketball with me. That's not the same as when we go to the movies tomorrow and I'll want to see "Pacific Rim" while she would rather see "Monters U." I'll see "Monsters" for her and I won't even ask that she repay me by going to see "Pacific Rim". I don't have very many rules, but the big ones are: -If you are very excited or eager about something, understand that I am not trying to be a killjoy when I don't readily agree with your opinion or suggestions. I'm a Green personality type. I need data and I am trying to understand. -Understand that I am a kid at heart and have NO problem with being a goofball in public. I know where the line is between silly and embarassing, I promise not to cross it. -Don't expect me to babble about bullshit, to steal a "Pulp Fiction" term. You and I are probably not interesting enough to have an hour long phone conversation every night. I'm not capable of small talk, so if you try it with me, you'll only get silence or me asking what your point is. -During the game is not serious talk time nor is it shop for new furniture time.
So, she demands that you watch shows that you dislike with full attention, yet refuses to even remotely return the favour. It's sounds like her personality would go really well with the other things in my garbage. Oh, and if you want to go see a movie void of laughs and of the original's charm, by all means allow her to force you to go watch Monsters U.
Well, if you're okay with it Crown, I'll make sure to let him know he should be okay with it also. Thanks for the advice.
I read that in Dread Pirate Roberts voice and it was hilarious. Now back to reading opinion pieces on people's relationships.
See, if you're gonna watch tv or movies with me, we're not chatting, we're watching the thing. I'd like you to pay attention to it, because I like other people to enjoy the things I enjoy. If you're not going to pay attention to it, then you are abso-fucking-lutely not allowed to pester me with questions about it.
I wouldn't count drawing as pestering. Blathering,yes. In our house its easy. If someone is going to watch something the other just plain does not like, two thoughts spring immediately to our minds: 1) there are other rooms in the house 2) my legs still work
No, it's not that she doesn't return the favor. I just don't ask her to watch things with me that I know she doesn't enjoy. She's actually very good about the give and take. My Christmas present last year was tickets to see a game at the Palestra in Philadelphia. Plus, I know she would totally be on board with a "Monsters U" for "Pacific Rim" deal. She's not forcing me to see "Monsters U", it's just that I know she would strongly prefer it over all the other movies that are out now, so I'm comfortable with sacrificing to make her happy.
That's fine. Making you watch shows you don't like when you could just sit quietly and direct your attention to playing with your balls is not right in my book. Teen mom? It's damaged to force any man to watch that compost. Again, Monsters U sucks. It has no laughs. Save your cash.
Be careful, it's a slippery slope. It won't be long before your role in the relationship will be reduced to bitch boy. This has to be how D26 became the low man on the totum pole in his family.
Obviously, abuse and danger are bad. But my absolute deal breaker is addiction to drugs or alcohol. I'm not talking about having a drink from time to time. I'm talking about true addiction. I won't stay and love anyone through countless relapses and recovery. Life has taught me I don't need that. Most anything can work with communication and an active desire to be together and treat love as a verb. But alcoholism and drug abuse? Go fuck up your own life. I'm out.