Whats a whore exactly? What about bringing home a loose girl you met at the bar? Or say a girl you take to dinner, pay for the dinner, then come home? Back to the point: Another rule I have is no addicts as well. My mom is an alcoholic and pill popper. I don't have the time or the care for that shit. You may be a great person, but I've seen what it does and I've seen the toll it takes on relationships, and no person is worth that. I'm always weary of when women I date start drinking what I consider too much. Alcoholics require baby sitters, which breeds co dependence, which breeds all sorts of drama and bullshit.
Has anyone here known of a relationship where ornaments such as strippers or porn was considered "cheating"?
A friend of mine is currently in counseling because his wife found porn on his phone. When she found it, she was so upset that she slapped him, then left and stayed somewhere else that night. He is in counseling because he doesn't want to lose her. He has been married for two years. If this happened to me I would divorce her in a heart beat. If you have to resort to violence to let your emotions out that is a deal breaker. About 50% of my friends have significant others that will not allow them in strip clubs. It is shocking to me. My wife would only have a problem if I was snorting coke off an ass or getting blown in a champagne room. People bitch about how controlling their significant other is, and how things change once you get married. Things only change if you marry someone that won't let you have fun the way you want to. Why in the fuck would anyone do that? It bugs me.
Rules about porn and strippers is usually based on insecurity. I have a friend who freaks out if her fiance watches porn without her. I can't get my head around that. If Mr. P suddenly told me I couldn't masturbate, I would have a serious problem with that. Rules about strippers indicates a lack of trust. Why be with someone you can't completely trust?
Because you're fantasizing about someone other than ME and I'm not good enough for you!??! DON'T I COMPLETE YOU?!?! You're just going to CHEAT on me like all the others, you pig. So I'll just keep smothering you and SMOTHERING YOU AND OH, GOD, YOU'RE THINKING ABOUT THAT PORN SLUT WHILE WE MAKE LOOOOOOOVE?!?! I'LL FUCKING KILL YOUR DOG AND THREATEN YOUR MOTHER, YOU PIECE OF SHIT. JUST LOVE ME FOR ME!!!! *sets your dick on fire while you sleep*
I'm not ranting, I've just heard of this idiotic phenomenon and I love the stories about nutbags on here. I'm lucky to be with somebody who doesn't get jealous, I certainly sucks when you do. Jealousy ruins relationships and creates misery in both parties. It's probably my least favourite trait in a woman. How much does it suck when you have a girlfriend who pronounces "goodbye" as "Yeah, just go fuck some whore!!!" Or having a boyfriend who tries to fight every guy who talks to you, even after you break up?
Well now you're just being selfish. I was looking forward to the diatribe about men who's wives keep their balls in a jar.
This I can agree with. I will also add though that there have been occurrences where I make clear when a friend asks clearly that this would end here, that it does, within reason. I had an old friend call and tell me surprising news, and I sat on it but told my wife to talk to them as it wasn't my business to spread, (even to my wife) but she needed to connect with her friend to do so. (she did and they have reconnected nicely, but if I was the news breaker, it simply doesn't work the same.) However, I told the truth as was needed to help at the time. Honesty is always the comment that people say as the "trite" have to have. Honesty has a filter, and a big part isn't just puking honest comments, but being honest with what you want and will bring to the relationship, and them offering the same, and being willing to accept. That turned into 12 years of good marriage for me, but others may be different, and not all of it is easy. I've "honestly" had jealous moments, for no reason, and as a "relationship rule" it's a dick way to act, but we all have passing moron moments. Rules need to flex just like the people you are with. And being here, hell there's a large range of flex in individual types and all get welcomed, do it for your partner you care about more than random posters. (drunk post out)
I feel like non married friends need to get used to this, if you tell me something you have to be comfortable with the fact that my wife may be told about it. If you aren't good with that then don't tell me shit you don't want my wife to know.
I'm a bit different. Sometimes I'm the guy my friends need to unload to. If its something they want me to keep to myself I will simply because its not my business to share. My fiance knows this is the case sometimes, and while she doesn't like it she does respect it. However it works both ways I really hate it when she tells me something one of her friends told her in confidence then informs me after the fact. Its not that I'm going to run my mouth about it, but I strongly feel that good friends matter. If you say you are going to keep something to yourself, do it. Now I have no issue with people that tell their s/o everything. I think its important that it is said before hand that you are going to share the information. I seen the huge cluster of fuck that can happen from people assuming that everyone should automatically understand that of course they're going to pass everything along to their spouse.
Wow. I had no idea this was going to be a thing I was going to need to deal with and accept once my friends started getting married. Nice to know that marriage gives you a pass on being a shitty friend.
Yes, because this is exactly what they are saying. Just so it's crystal clear: Wife/Husband trumps friends. The moment that's no longer the case, time to re-evaluate whether you should be married. Friends you share parts of your life with (and I'm very close to some of my friends), I share my entire life with my wife. There should be no contest. That's what marriage means, and yes, you will have to accept that, just as others will have to accept that of you if and when you decide to marry someone.
Why does being married mean that instantly every thing that passes your ears is your spouses business, or you need to reevaluate the marriage? That seems like quite the leap.
Re: telling your spouse everything. Do you guys tell your wives shit your friends explicitly ask you not to tell anyone else including your wife? I mean, I wish they didn't tell me these things in the first place, but I sure as shit won't betray their trust.
I think the objection is that this "yes, all the time" approach suggests that Wife/Husband's petty nosiness trumps friend's actually warranted desire for privacy. If, say, your friend states that he's been seeing a marriage therapist and doesn't want people to know, what business is that of your wife or husband's? There's no need for him or her to know that, and insisting that you tell him/her such things seems selfish and childish. And to not trust you to know the difference between things he/she needs to know and things unrelated to him/her seems like the sort of lack of trust otherwise decried in this thread.
Well, for me as mentioned before, I tell my friends that I don't hide things from my wife preemptively. So they know ahead of time. I don't see that as betraying their trust in any way. Nor do I see it as , to respond to Audrey, being a shitty friend. I'm simply not the friend you go to if you need something kept secret from my wife. The closest I have come is I'll tell someone I might not bring it up to her but I won't hide it.
My wife has a big fucking mouth so there are things friends and family tell me that I don't share with her or anyone.