Jägerbombs On a serious note, if "learn to speak European" and "EXXXTREME (everything)" made the list, how shitty were the suggestions that got crossed out?
Tapout Playing acoustic guitar outside Bluetooth Impromptu bonfires Drinking good beer, like Coors Light Pre-torn Hollister jeans Untucked button-down shirts Untucked button-down shirts and Pre-torn Hollister jeans worn together Untucked button-down shirts with the sleeves rolled up. Casual, yet all business Truck balls 5-starring "Cliffs of Dover" on expert Referring to Southern Comfort as "SoCo" Tribal arm band tattoos Asian symbols tattoos Confederate flag wherever possible Che Guevara wherever possible Dip Spit bottle Snuggie Pyramid Schemes (I make money, you can too!) Flip cup That decal with Calvin pissing on whatever Living next to water Having a favorite European soccer, excuse me, football club DragonballZ Bribing the bouncer My name is _____ aka ______ Having 40 or more favorite bands
Wear lensless horn rimmed glasses Keep keys on a carabiner Smoke American Spirits Change Xbox Live account name to XxXBluntmanx420XxX Carry a moleskin journal, don't write in it
Read the Bro Code Be like Tucker turntable+records=DJ side ponytail Pro Sandwich Artist Witty tee shirts walkman not ipod wear Varsity jacket after high school, letter in nothing be on a reality tv show; bonus if it's on mtv or vh1
Make sure you're seen wearing this shirt, something similar will do as well. Spoiler Also, it's very important you make sure people know you're cool, so make sure you have 5000+ friends on facebook and my space.
Quoting "The Office." Sarcastic Screen T's. Chuck Norris jokes. Cell Phone Belt Holders. Speeding in School Zones at 3:00 in your Brother's Corvette. Wearing an NHL jersey with an MLB hat. Gluten-Free food. PBR Fo-Hawks. Ask for the #69 on the back of your slow-pitch jersey. Battling gloves, and a shin guard during slow-pitch. Leaving stickers on your hat. Paying for meals with Rolled Coins.
Incarceration Spring Break '94 tattoo (which I've actually seen) Refer to vehicle as 'she' or 'her' NASCAR Duct tape Budweiser Stuntin on a 'crotch rocket' JB Weld
Early Van Damme movies Italian leather driving gloves Kids on leashes Wrapping a sweater around you neck by the sleeves. Crushing a girl in bowling on the first date "Pain don't hurt."
Become an AFL footballer Wear flip flops (thongs) at every opportunity Get into coke and have motorcycle gang associates Get caught via drug test or police sting Make a comeback Write a book about it Become a motivational speaker and anti-drugs spokesman
Chin strap beards Listen to Animal Collective $3000 worth of rims on a $500 car Claim you can't be redneck because you have two bachelors degrees (heard that one last night) Listen to Nickelback Have a condescending attitude toward people who don't drive hybrids Join PETA Military funeral protests Major in philosophy Call everyone "Bro" Shit out a bunch of kids and blame all my financial problems on them Listen to Chris Daughtry Wear clothing that says "Git 'R Dun!" Become an Amway salesman Say "I fear no man." Brag about how fast I can chug a beer and call everyone else pussies 'cause they can't drink like I can. Pass out at 9pm Get a tattoo with my stock car/dirt bike/snowmobile racing number on it Listen to Theory of a Dead Man Drive a Pontiac Grand Prix and brag about how fucking wicked fast it is Put a Playboy Bunny decal on my car Date underage girls Become a bartender and try to boss regulars around referring to the place as "my bar" Put loud pipes on my vehicle and rev the piss out of it everywhere I go Order a round of Jager Bombs and call a guy a "pussy faggot" because he'd rather have a shot of tequila (that "pussy faggot" happens to be me) Listen to MGMT Host invite-only UFC parties (pretty sure that's just a cover for a gay orgy) Wear a scarf in warm weather Wear an ascot Talk about how awesome high school was whenever I'm back in my hometown Take my shirt off in a bar and show people my tattoos Wear a flat-billed cap Spout off about how I'm tough because "I'm from [insert city here]"
Being shirtless whenever possible Neck tats Going to prison Going to prom after you've graduated Screaming "MILF!" in public at every mother High fives with your bros Huffing paint Gauged ears
Hang out at Starbucks with your laptop for hours and hours, because you know, that's what all the cool writers do. Blog. Smoke clove cigarettes. Laugh at people with disabilities. Be an atheist.
Wear a torn up MLB baseball cap. Backwards. Wear a rugby jersey out to the bars. Understanding the game is optional. Send mixed drinks back, complaining they're too weak. Fist pump like a fucking champ. Wear a visor. Uggs. Shave chest and sport an Easter colored v-neck t shirt. Phone bling. Tight Affliction shirts. Tight Affliction shirts with foil accents. Wear fight shorts outside the gym. Crocs. Handlebar mustache under the age of 30. Immaculately trimmed chinstrap beard.