Tom Hanks, Brooke Shields and Scarlett Johansson. All three have experience spending time on a deserted island (at least in movies, which are the same as real life, right?) In addition, Tom seems like he would be a funny and easy going guy to hang with. Brooke because her island experience suggests she'd put out and Scarlett because Scarlett.
No my point was that he'd monopolize fucking them leaving you pining for hot monkey sex you won't be having. Hopefully you can learn to to process coconut oil for masturbation lube.
Mark will probably figure it out first and then use it all to do butt stuff to Emma and Morena. God Mark is so cool. Rush will have to make do with tears and sand.
So, in other words, you guys are saying this island paradise will be exactly like my life now. Except, I now spend time with Emma Stone and Morena Baccarin. I can live with that.
When I first saw the focus of the thread, my immediate first choice was Alton Brown. That dude's a food MacGyver. I know we have a food supply, but we have to actually know what to do with it. I have a little creativity, but not a year's worth. Coming up with the other two was hard - I kept thinking they had to be entertaining but useful, and I tend to blank out under pressure. Then when I was browsing the net I saw a headline "What celebrity couple would you have a threesome with?" and I had my answer to both that question and who would be my other 2 island inhabiters: Nick Offerman and Megan Mullally.
I gotta tell you guys, bringing a bunch of hot celebrities with you to a desert island for a year sounds like a stupid idea. Nothing I'd like to do better than to spend a year with a bunch of spoiled pricks (</sarcasm>). Really, I'd probably bring along my friends from when we lived in the dorms. We'd be short a few people but the group is a bunch of competent, smart, funny dudes and I think we'd have a blast. No outside stimulation or sex would probably get to be a drag, but one of the first orders of business would be to build everyone an individual "whackin' shack". Hopefully, though, time stops in the outside world, because I'd have a hard time convincing everyone (including myself) to leave their families behind for that long.
Celebrity Version: 1. Emma Stone: I just very strongly feel like we would be really good pals in real life and I wish she'd realize that and why hasn't she answered any of my fanmail EMMA PLEASE NOTICE ME 2. Tina Fey: We would also clearly be good friends, and I would learn a lot from her. Plus, after the year is over, she'd be so impressed with my genius that she'd hire me to work on all of her projects from then on. 3. Joseph Gordon-Levitt: I was of course trying to figure out which male celebrity that I'd like to touch parts with to bring, and I think I would enjoy the non-sex-having parts with him the most for that time. Plus, he'd mesh the best with the Emma and Tina dynamic. Real-Person Version That None of You Know or Care About: 1. My best pal: We've been friends since we were 6, we're parts of each other's families, we pretty much never get tired of hanging out with each other. 2. Another good friend of mine: He's super handy, has built himself several ... let's call them shelters, knows how to farm, all of his jobs have been nature-y, has basically lived in the woods a few times before. Plus, he's adventurous and some of the most awesome shit I've done I've done with him, so we'd never be bored. Also, while I don't actively want to sleep with him, he'd be perfectly good for that too. 3. My closest pal here: Out of all of my other friends, I think she'd most appreciate a year to hang out on a desert island. The 4 of us would have really good conversation and she'd fit in with us all getting more in touch with our hippie sides. Plus my cat. He's not a person so he doesn't count.
This one is tough. I initially thought 'hey, I'll just pick three of the hottest chicks on the planet, how awesome!' Then I realized I apparently can't satisfy one woman full time, my odds are exponentially worse of pleasing three (The complicated 'Exponential Disaster of Pleasing Multiple Women When Pleasing One is Beyond You' Theorem, as discovered by Sir Isaac Newton). So I'll have three hot chicks on an island fucking each other (awesome!) but not fucking me (not so awesome). So I need to find one hot chick, but my other two guests have to be physically unable, or so hideous, that hot chick won't fuck them. The shitbombs also need to be tolerable on a daily level. Very delicate balance indeed. So, Hot Chick will be Addison Timlin. Now, I'm going to get bored, so I'll need some good stories. There's an old homeless guy around the corner on Market street. He plays guitar. I'm thinking he might be impotent, plays guitar passably enough, but definitely smelly and ugly enough for Addison to not fuck. Perfect. Finally, I'm going to bring a child - 9 or 10. Their sense of wonder will give me perspective on days that I'm feeling blue. Plus, they can run and get shit for me and Addison, and I guess smelly homeless guy. And I'm pretty sure I can just kick their ass if I need to keep them in line.
Nick Offerman will teach me to build things. Bear Grylls will take me on adventures. I also feel like Ryan Gosling would be useful in some way. Not just in sexy ways, but real ways that would be useful on an island.
Larry David, because I never get tired of hearing him complain, and holy shit would he complain on a desert island. The REAL Survivorman, Les Stroud, not that pussy Grylls. And anyone from my top 5 celebrity list (Alba, Fox, Upton, Rihanna or Johansson). Plus a well trained dog.
1.) Kyle Lamb. I can't go vegetarian for a year so I'll need someone who can hunt and kill animals. Plus, he has a ton of entertaining stories and he's married (so my other two choices are safe). NSFW 2.) Leanna Decker - Seriously? This needs an explanation? 3.) Eliza Schlesinger - Because Scootah has impeccable logic SGEDIT: TAGS TDP!!!
Leanna Decker doesn't need explanation, but why she's saying "force the pussy, ohhhh, mice!" in that gif may. But, the lovely and talented Ms. Decker was already stranded on the beach with someone, and it wasn't you.
The theme keeps running through my head. I couldn't help myself. Hit play and sing along! Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip, That started from this message board, I promised "just the tip." The focus loosely clarified, the Island Thread got bumped. Four castaways for one short year A list of who you'd hump. A list of who you'd hump. The topic started wandering, the idiots were mocked. If not for the snarky pregnant one, We'd all have Xbox. We'd all have Xbox. The shit went on three pages deep mostly about chicks, with Presidents, a cook or two, the Millionaires, not their wives, with movie stars, the Professor and his disease, here on Silligan's Isle
Bill Fucking Murray. If by needs, you mean cigarettes and cocaine, then Hunter S. Thompson. If not, Stephen King. And peak 1980's Heather Locklear, because to quote Dr. Dre: "I need to go home with something to poke on"
1. Les Stroud - Because Bear is a pussy and can go fuck himself. Everyone knows who the real survivorman is. I need to survive on said island and Les is the one who can get it done. Plus, that damn accent would piss me off after a day and might attract my #2 choice. 2. Tatyana Ali - Better known as Ashley from the Fresh Prince of Bel Air. She's hot as shit and I love black women. Also, we can conserve some sunscreen seeing as she's darker and I'm pasty as fuck. I'm talking allocation of resources of people. 3. Rachel Ray - She can whip up some good food and I wouldn't mind placing my penis inside of her. I don't want to create a scarcity situation whereby there are more men than women. I need some balance through this ordeal.