Whether or not you stay single for life, I firmly believe that it is extremely important to live alone as a single adult for a fairly significant chunk of time (say, a year minimum, although to be honest I'd go with 2-3). Not even steadily casually dating someone, but totally single. I've got 2 reasons for this: 1) You will know, down to your very core, that you can survive by yourself, because you've done it. This means if you find yourself in a bad relationship, you can get out quicker, with less damage and long drawn out suffering. 2) Chances are decent that you and your long term love won't die on the same day. If it's them that goes first? And you've got a decent slice of your live to go? If you've never been truly single and known it'll be ok, add that fear to the grief and you'll dissolve. And, like my grandmother, you will royally piss off the people who you will then lean on to take the place of your spouse. Likely your children. All you serial monogamists out there - get to know yourself for a year or so next time you find yourself dumped or dumping. You might quite like the person you meet.
I can't be the only one who thought this, but what the fuck? You've had both services for two years and have never gone on a date or had a single conversation?! I'm not trying to call you out, but you can't post something like this and not elaborate on it.
It's true (mostly, I only paid for match.com for a year before cancelling, but I've had a profile up for okcupid for about 2 years now), but let me elaborate: I haven't exactly sent out a whole lot of messages in that timespan which is why I concluded that sentence by saying I'm not putting a whole lot of effort into it.
I got married very young (19). I then had my children at 21, 23 and 25. We divorced after 15 years of marriage and honestly, I have no regrets about any of the decisions I made in that time except for one - that I didn't try harder to keep my marriage together. I married an absolutely fantastic man and to this day, he is honestly one of my very best friends. We continue to raise our children together very amicably and spend all holidays and birthdays together as a family. It's very healthy. He's met people I've dated and we've spent time at functions together and vice versa (I've always said we're like Bruce and Demi in that regard). All that said, I spent time after my divorce by myself figuring out who I am. I've also had relationships that taught me about myself as well. And after all of that, I've realized that I do want to be with someone for the rest of my life. Whether or not I marry that person or we live together until the end of time, it is something that I want for myself. I've grown up, learned lots of life's lessons and ultimately, I want to have a partnership with that one special person who I know will always have my back just like I have his. It's a comforting feeling to know that this person will always be there for me just like I will always be there for him. Yes, life is tough and relationships aren't always easy but as I've gotten older, I've realized even more how important it is to be selfless and thoughtful of someone else and the rewards can be overwhelmingly amazing. I understand why people enjoy being single and want that time for themselves and if they choose to be single until they die at 80 years old, I'll never judge that because we're all grown adults and can make our own choices. I have a sister who has never been married and although she's had several long term committed relationships - it has just never seemed to pan out for her. She seems ok with it and if she is, that's great. However, my mom talks about how much she wishes that my sister would find someone. Not because she wants grandchildren or she thinks that's what we're "supposed to do" based on society's dictation - but because she doesn't want her to be alone for the rest of her life. She wants her to know love and to have someone who will take care of her as she grows older and vice versa. I can understand that thought because of my own children and I want that same thing for them. So for me, to each his own on what you want out of life but I know that for me, I personally want someone to share my life with - especially because I've learned a lot and I have a lot to offer. Call me sappy or sentimental but I do believe in love and ultimately I do believe that if you work hard at it, it's worth the payoff tenfold.
Honestly for all the talk around here about relationships and being single, I think at the end of the day I would hate to be on my own for the rest of my life. Someday, I want to settle down and have kids. I know a lot of people hate it and a lot of marriages end badly, but that doesn't deter me at all. I have no illusions it'll be easy or a breeze, I just think it'll be worth it, if it's done right. Thing about my situation is, my parents have been married for over 30 years. They are right for each other in almost every way and always have been, so through my string of failed relationships I cannot help but notice that they've done it better than me every single time. On top of that, my old man comes from a somewhat broken family with multiple and ugly divorces across his parents and now his brothers. So if anyone has seen the dark side of the institution, it's my mom and dad. But they're still together. They've weathered the storm and are still very much in love with each other. That's a tough act to follow. On top of that, I've never had a girlfriend in the classical sense. I've never, ever taken someone home to meet my parents, or brought them along for family events, or any of the regular shit you do with some girl you're seeing. That's not to say I haven't met someone I've truly wanted to be with or endured real heartbreak, it just never manifested itself nor did the heartbreak come from the tsunami that follows a long-term relationship. For me, a lot of shit was just bad timing and the rest was me fucking it up. I have a lot of personal issues to solve in order to get to a good spot, and right now I'm OK with that. Of course, I'm saying all of this the day after I hooked up with some intern from the University of Florida at some trendy club in Washington, D.C. There's no way I'll date this girl and she's only here for four months, so I can continue this perpetual cycle a little longer. Funny thing is, we connected last night over relationship advice; she's having some saga with some guy back home and I gave her my honest point of view about genuinely not being afraid of where things might go in her life. Then two hours later, we were hooking up. That's the sort of life I lead.
My view on marriage has been somewhat skewed and altered since my parents separated nearly 2 years ago. There's has been a rather nasty separation, and has really jaded me quite a bit. What makes it suck even harder is that I had just gotten married and bought a house right less than a year before this all went down. My wife is a wonderful, caring person and has lots of redeeming qualities. She's a great girl that never nags about my faults, and is always working on her own self-improvement. However, growing up with the paranoid, scheming mother I did, I always wonder if she's trying to get me to change my ways in a subtle manner. Every action, every word, every gesture: I always wonder, What does she mean by that? Is she trying to tell me something? Slowly, but surely, I feel myself slipping away from her, and craving my own company more. She's done nothing wrong, hasn't changed anything fundamental about herself, yet I find myself wanting to be alone more and more. I just find I have less patience with anyone, be it my parents, my friends, my wife, or people at work. If my marriage ever implodes, I know two things. 1) It will be my last, and 2) It will be entirely my fault.
I also think the societal push for relationships/marriage is weakening. I think people in their 20s/30s are the first product of the divorce generation. We're use to the idea of marriages ending (often), have seen the havoc it causes both financially and socially, and therefore are largely in no rush to jump into anything too serious too quickly. Plus women are mostly working nowadays and the notion that they'll settle down and raise the kids by the time she's 25 isn't the norm anymore.