SOS He chews with his mouth open...

My thoughts exactly. I've been on some shitty blind dates, but never bad enough to ditch the girl. If anything, I wanted to see what would happen next, or file it away as a good story to tell my friends. I'm not totally convinced, however, that this app isn't such a bad trick up the sleeve of some poor woman who sees her date going sideways and wants to get out before things get ugly. I had at least one blind date who would have used it when my pants accidentally (I swear) came unbuttoned during dinner.

Scootah is right about the stats, but then Scootah and I have the luxury of being large and being men.

 

Yes you are at less of a risk because you're a large guy, but all of the examples people have given so far have been people who set out to commit a violent crime, not some neckbeard who got upset that he got rejected.

 

Ok, you seem to be pretty adamant about your belief that girls' fears of what could go wrong if a guy is rejected are illegitimate. There is an entire category of crime where the basis of it is that a guy got pissed off when a girl said no - implicitly or explicitly - and reacted dangerously. I've only been in one serious physical fight with someone, and it was with a stranger who didn't like that I was ignoring his cat calls. I can list all of the times things have gone wrong when I've in some way or another rejected a guy, but it would make everyone really uncomfortable, so I can assure you that I - as well as every other girl on this board - has a long and varied list of experiences that are running through our heads as possibilities for a guy to react when I somehow imply that I'm just not into them. I actually probably couldn't list all of the experiences if I'm including verbal harassment when I ignore cat calls because that has been happening at least weekly since I was twelve. Yeah, on the spectrum of possibilities, I'd rather endure getting yelled at or going home to a mean email, but it's still nice to avoid. People get murdered because men are so pissed off that a girl won't sleep with them/date them etc. Obviously that is a really low risk, but I'd be lying if the worst case scenario didn't flash through my head each time. Thanks, Lifetime movies. Yes, I agree that the whole culture of "being suspicious of men until proven otherwise" fucking sucks.I think women as a whole are much more aware of how much that whole idea fucking sucks. But that's how I'm going to feel until I go even a week when I somehow turn down a guy and he's cool about it, let alone sees it as constructive criticism and uses it to improve himself as a person.

So, to tie it back to the focus, yeah, I'd use the app to help lower those risks if I feel that they're present when I'm on a date. If strangers can react dangerously if I'm just passing them on the street, a guy that I'm on a date with might feel that rejection even harder.

 

Just out of curiosity how many times besides the one where you were in the basement have you felt legitimately scared that you might be attacked by your date?

I'm not trying to diminish anything you're saying, if I was a woman I'd have the app/back up plan/mace in my purse even if the odds of something bad happening were one in a billion, I'm just curious how frequently a typical girl feels like they might be in danger by rejecting their date. Is there a vibe you pick up? Do you guys just play it safe and bail so you don't have to found out the hard way?

 

I'm waiting for an App similar to Angie's List that details the names and descriptions of people who are bad dates. So you could cross reference a guy, then vilify him, all without leaving your house. Since women are never weird or awkward on dates, they won't be listed*. We will call it Neckbeard List.

Alex McCheeseupperlip has halitosis.

Chris Doucheface of Brooklyn chews with his mouth open and tried to get it in past the second knuckle unlubed.

Etc, etc.

Patent pending. Nobody better steal that idea.




* Not trolling at all. Really. Would I lie?

 

I've never had to do this kind of dating, but does the person usually have your contact information? If you use an app as an excuse to bail rather than saying, "I don't think this is working out," then won't the other person feel compelled to contact you again? Won't they think, "Oh, well too bad she had to go check on her mom's surgery, otherwise things were going great. I'll just contact them again to go out next week."?

 

Are you a blonde diplomat's daughter living in Pakistan? Seriously, where the hell do the dudes act like this?

I've never really had a "bad" date, but I had one where it quickly became obvious we were not gonna happen. I met this girl in the line at Subway's, and we exchanged numbers. She had that hot-slutty look of a party girl who seamlessly combines a law degree with body glitter and pink cowboy hats, and after a few texts we agreed to meet up in a nightclub to "dance". Her suggestion. Sweet.

So next night I met up with her, she was in a miniskirt and had already danced up a sweat. We sit down to talk, I ask if she want a drink, she wants a Coke. No alcohol, because she doesn't drink.

Yeah. Turns out this girl was a committed Christian, went to church every Sunday, was a virgin, and when she had suggested going out to "dance", she really meant going out to dance.

It was pretty obvious to both of us we were never gonna hit it off in that way, but that wasn't really a drag. She turned out to be a really cool chick, very open-minded and non-judgemental when it came to the choices of others, and we kept in touch for years.

My theory is that when you realize this girl isn't really a romantic interest, at that moment it stops being a date and becomes just hanging out with a potential new friend. No need to turn that into a big old awkward thing.

 

I'm not saying they're illegitimate, I'm saying they're inaccurate. I keep seeing this conflation of "neckbeard" (by which we mean conventionally unattractive, probably socially inept guys) with guys who pose a legitimate threat. I've seen nothing that indicates there's any sort of positive correlation between the two, and I honestly suspect there may be a negative correlation. So yes, I recognize and agree with the fact that there is a risk out there for women, I just don't buy the notion that it's easily identified by traits that are totally coincidentally the traits of a guy you just think is a loser not worth your time.

 

Any mall in the US. Its very much a cultural thing.

Ive detailed my worst date experience on the board before. But I had a friend recently go on a date with a really cute girl he met doing something standard and mundane. They agree to meet for drinks on a Friday night. She gets up to go to the bathroom, never returns. No worries, he texts a buddy or two to meet him out as its already around 10. He sees her not 30 min later making out with some dude in a corner. He laughed it off. I likely would have said something pretty mean out of spite...*shrug*

 

The majority of my first dates have either been good, or bad but harmless. I only left that one time because I thought it was going to end badly. And then there have been a few cases where I didn't leave before it ended badly. When I'm on a first date, I spend most of my energy trying/hoping to make it one of those good dates, but there's always going to be some part of my brain that's alert and looking out for signs that shit's going to get weird. I've been thinking about what usually sets off red flags for me, and I can't come up with a consistent list. It more or less comes down to instinct. Despite everything I've said, I do try to be trusting and give guys the benefit of the doubt. And I do generally feel safer on dates because at least I've chosen to hang out with them and have already decided at some level that the risk was low if not nonexistent, unlike my experiences with strangers that have happened just because I was outside. But I've been wrong about thinking guys were safe, just as I've been wrong about thinking guys were a good match for me. If I'm getting a weird feeling that I can't ignore, I'd rather risk overreacting and hurting a guy's feelings than risking my safety, and if I used the app or whatever I'd rather risk being passive-aggressive than escaping someone who's being aggressive. It would just be a temporary solution to get me out of the situation, but it's better than nothing.

I can't think of anywhere I've been where dudes didn't act like this. A lot of people would say I've had a seemingly higher-than-normal rate of experiencing all this shit because I live in New York, but I haven't had anything particularly scary happen here. It's mostly just been upsetting or frustrating. I had more scary things happen when I was living in Boston, or when I was out of the country.

I haven't reread the thread before responding to this, so maybe I missed something, but I don't remember any girls talking about how they didn't feel safe because of how a guy looked. This tends to be an argument guys tend to throw around: "Yeah, well, if you thought he was hot you wouldn't feel threatened/it wouldn't count as harassment etc." As if only ugly guys can be dangerous or do bad things. Hot guys, a guy the girl is interested, boyfriends, and husbands, can still be dangerous. Yeah, if a girl was just not interested in a guy but pretends that it's because she felt threatened, then she's a twat. But, generally, I have faith that girls can differentiate between the feelings of not liking a guy and not feeling safe in his presence. I can imagine thinking a girl's reasonings for not feeling safe being a bit of a stretch, but if she genuinely felt threatened I'd never blame her for them.

Well, that's just classless. She should have at least gone to a different bar.

 

In keeping with what audrey has said, I've dealt with bad dates. In part due to female stupidity and drama, I've found that many guys think I'm playing coy when I resist their advances. That in and of itself is fine, but some guys have gotten aggressive when I don't cave. I've been pinned up against a car, groped, and had my face forcibly turned so the jerk could shove his tongue down my throat. Maybe the guys on this board are paragons of decency, but that attitude isn't universal. I'd rather, as previously mentioned, have a neutral excuse for my exit than risk that nastiness.

 

This.

"Bitch I came out with you you OWE ME."

Newp. I do not.

I don't like anyone buying me drinks for this very reason. It was months - almost a year - before I was comfortable letting The Guy pay for things for me. I wasn't okay with it.
In my experience, that sense of entitlement is very real, and I do NOT want to deal with it. Same goes for the situation in question - it's just easier to have a reason to bounce than to put myself in an idiotic situation.

 

I've read the posts from the women on this thread and it's completely horrifying that any of you have had one, let alone numerous occasions where you felt threatened by a date.
Perhaps it's just me being naive, but I can't imagine any situation where I would want to verbally, or worse, physically harm someone because a date went poorly.
I might joke or complain after the fact to friends about having a shitty night, but that would be the extent of it.

This has to be a joke? Right?

 

Everyone mocks me for my "sexcurity deposit" idea, but it's totally gonna be a thing.

 

For the sake of argument, assumi.g that guys everywhere are sociopaths and there is a legitimate need to fear for your life at all times when you're with one... Wouldn't pepper spray be a better idea than an app?

 

Wow, I date some winners, to be sure, yet have never felt threatened or like I was expected to "pay."

 

Why go for the aggressive option when a simple lie will also work?

Most people will shy away from doing physical harm to another person, but a lie is relatively harmless so it's oftentimes the more utilized tool for extricating yourself from a potentially dangerous situation that hasn't yet escalated to the point of date rape/assault/murder.

I still recommend carrying pepper spray, though. When I was pinned between a car and a really large dude busily shoving his fingers into my panties, nothing else would've worked to make him understand that I was dead fucking serious when I said "Leave me alone--not interested in you at all." I still wish I had carried some back then...he richly deserved to get a face full of pepper spray.

 

I'm with you on this one. It's blows me away you all have dealt with this shit on a regular basis.

It also makes me a little bit sad I'm not (and never will be again) single, because if this is representative of my potential competition, I could clean up.

 

I carry pepper spray and the one time that I really should have used it, I just froze up. Couldn't move, couldn't scream, just stood there like an idiot while a guy called me a cunt and told me he'd smash my face into the brick wall next to us if I didn't go home with him. To be fair, this wasn't on a date, he was just a friend of a friend who walked outside with me after a bunch of us went to a concert. I'm not a small woman and I'm not a shy woman, but when a guy is in your face and threatening you, your reaction isn't always what you think it would be.

Date wise, I haven't had a whole lot of awful experiences. There was the one guy who was obsessed with Jimmy Buffett, and another who insisted on our first date that I needed to convert to Catholicism so our children wouldn't burn in hell.

I did walk out on a date once though. He was a nice enough guy, but while we were having dinner, he would not stay off his fucking phone. I'm not talking an unexpected phone call he had to take, the dude was literally texting with one hand and eating with the other. I'd already made a joke about how interested he was in in the phone, but he didn't get it. He'd glance at me every so often and grunt or hmmm, but I could tell he wasn't paying attention. I excused myself to the restroom, paid the tab, tipped the waitress, and left. I amused myself by sending him a text from the parking lot that things weren't going to work out. It might have been extreme, but I just fucking hate when someone pays more attention to their phone than me.