I've been alive for some pretty remarkable advances in science and technology, world changing events, and medical advancements. However none of them compare to the Doritos Locos taco. This is the beginning of a new era of taco. Progress, man's distinctive mark alone...
It's a great day to commit a crime. All the cops are either marching in the parade or already drunk off their asses in one of the 1000 McCann's.
If traveling in Tennessee taught me anything, the 'mericans don't understand vinegar on fries, mayo on fries or hot tea. But sweet Jesus, do they understand "chicken fried" meats.
Behold the most romantic scene ever created: "I want the pig to die while you're fucking it. And then you have to go behind and I want to smell the dying farts of the pig. You going to do all of that for me?" Real life is never this charming.
I don't know what the deal with that movie was. I think Netflix censored out a certain sex scene, which is funny, because that scene simply contained bouncing breasts and therefore verboten, but other scenes like the one mentioned above, or Marlon Brando anally raping Maria Schneider using butter as lube were totally kosher. That or I just wasn't paying much attention.
You should show that butter scene to the girls at your dinner party. While he's lubing her up, you look over, nod, and say "This is you." Anyone remember when Madd TV was funny? Me neither, but this is awesome:
I told you, dude, the party is off because my friend who was inviting the guests is (I am speculating) shitting / vomiting his guts out. So really, it's you. In happier news, I'm spending the next six weeks in Barrie. Which means, weekends in Toronto. And I just bought some tickets to see these guys: The longer I go on, the more I question why I didn't have my smart ideas sooner. Like, why didn't I go see more concerts (and so forth) when I actually lived in Toronto? Why didn't I stay in hostels for the weekends when I was spending my summers near Montreal instead of stuffing myself into over-crowded hotel rooms with up to a dozen of my drama-laden, er, colleagues?
Woah, woah, woah. 'Merica is a big place, a lot of us have been enlightened with vinegar on fries, one of my favorite places serves fries and has vinegar in spray bottles at each table. Also, some of us are smart enough to know that pepperoni pizza is bullshit and that bacon should be the default meat on pizza.
Is cheese on a cheeseburger also bullshit? Yeesh. What is this, food heresy night? And Angel, mayo is good on NOTHING. It's skunk cum designed by the Antichrist to smell horrible in heat and make people fat.
Heh. One of my good friends used to enjoy a bit of the mayonnaise. By "a bit" I mean he went to Costco and bought one of those gallon drums of mayo, sat there and literally ate it right out of the fucking jar. His drenched everything in that shit. Thinking about it makes me want to gag. One of those jars lasted him about 2 weeks. There's a half empty jar in my fridge that I bought 6 months ago. But homemade mayo tastes nothing like store bought. They are two separate items to me.
I'm with you on the mayo, but seriously, people are DEFENDING pepperoni pizza? What kind of horseshit is this? I thought the enlightened ones were past this kind of nonsense.
A spicy sausage made from undetermined pig parts and aged in it's own grease? What the fuck is the matter with YOU, sir?
Newark airport needs to go fist itself. I've flown in and out of there who knows how many times and I'd be willing to bet the frequency that a flight arrives/departs on time is well below 50%.
My preferred condiment as of late for fries is a mix of dijon mustard and mayonnaise. I have to ask staff at restaurants to bring them for me and then I combine them. It's tangy and smooth and avoids none of that over-the-top sweetness and stickiness of ketchup. Plus it's kinda European, so. And bear in mind that I'm that guy who reads douchey French novels and pronounces his rs at the back of his throat like a real frog, so.