If you felt a grand was a reasonable amount before you found this out, it's still a reasonable amount. I honestly don't know anyone who has actually followed the 3 month guideline, whether they could afford it or not. Who gives a fuck about some arbitrary rule that was probably initiated by the jewelry industry in the first place? Make up your own arbitrary rule. However much she spends on dirty dress up clothes and lingerie between now and then is what you'll spend on a ring.
I like the way you're thinking Chellie, I got her some stuff for Valentine's Day that has been too much fun. Makes it a win-win that way. I automatically bristle any time people try and pin down such arbirtary bullshit like that salary number on my relationship. The only one-size-fits-all stuff I'd allow is some lingerie for her. CJ she has co-workers like that and I'm pretty certain it's where she heard that number from. She works for a large accounting firm in downtown Minneapolis and more than a few of her co-workers have parents that have paid for their entire lives and are clueless about money. One at age 25 just set up a bank account of her own for the first time, previously she just asked daddy for money. I'm going to tell my girlfriend 3 months of my salary seems ridiculous to me, and I think we need to consider who the advice comes from as well. She is not a demanding, materialistic kind of person (hence why I'm dating her) and she isn't going to put some ring ultimatum on me, but I think some more research needs to be done. I made the suggestion on Saturday to look at some rings and see what is actually out there so we have a better idea of what costs could be, I doubt she has done that already.
Best way to have that conversation is to talk about what else that money can be spent on. Bigger/longer vacation, nicer car, nicer house, things that have more function than decoration. Also, from Adam Carolla, every $100 above $1000 she spends on a dress, is how many years she still needs to fit into it. $1500, she better fit into it for 5 years.
She is a CPA, she definitely understands the time value of money and what spending so much money differently today (or not spending to begin with) could mean down the road. We've made that point while discussing trips, etc. with each other before. I still don't even know what she thinks about that 3 months' salary thing, she hasn't given me her actual opinion on it yet. She could very well be thinking "just because it's common doesn't make it smart for us" too and it wouldn't surprise me either. She already said she thinks it's stupid how much people spend on weddings overall. Hey at least both of us were raised Catholic, have Catholic families, and go to Mass together so we've got the religion question taken care of.
I forget his reasoning though if they break their end of the bargain. Vetting the parents health is going to work for you longer in the long run that a deal like that.
Maybe she was being sarcastic? "Oh, sorry, according to my office mates I have been gravely mistaken and they are wondering whether I was raised in a third world country. OBVIOUSLY it is 3 months salary, so get that thousand dollar shit right out of your head."
I've now learned the advice was unsolicited and came from a college friend of hers who "should not be giving financial advice," in my girlfriends words. She agrees that is way too much to spend. Okay, we're cool.
Or so you think... Get what's reasonable. I don't know why the cost of the ring is such a factor. Its it a status symbol? It it for her to show off to her friends?
Discussion of rings and engagement was something that made me irate. "Ooo this ring I want costs 5k, that's not even close to three months salary" My response- "I love you and all, but if you want something that expensive you should probably buy it on your own". I'm still upset about it. The discussion was about what kind of ring I needed to buy for her. Was I getting an engagement present out of it? No. Was she contributing? No. That's on the man. I suggested at that price we take an engagement vacation, which was something we both enjoy. This made her rather irate. It was said that I was selfish. Which is funny, because the whole concept of this made me feel like she was the selfish one. You want to use my money on some sort of toy to show off to your friends. In the end we both compromised with an agreement that she would get a cheaper ring now, and when we were in a better place in life she could have a nicer ring, and we would both contribute. I've been married for nine months, and I love her bunches. But I still want my engagement vacation.
This is what I was going to say. Also, I've heard pawn shops are excellent places to get good deals on them.
That'd be a great way to piss a woman off. "Honey, I love you I got you this great ring!", "Where'd you get it from"..... If you want to seem cheap buying a ring from a pawn shop is a great route.
One would want to let her know prior to going and perhaps even take her with. Dude, sometimes you are the most Negative Nancy here.
Probably not unfair, I just think buying an engagement ring from a pawn shop may not be the best idea.
What if I just swapped "dollars" for "gallons of desperate laboring African blood" in these ring cost talks. Does it cost three thousand dollars, or three thousand gallons of desperate laboring African blood? Oh yeah, totally worth the look. Having a marketing degree, it just further infuriates me knowing very well all of this sentimental ring bullshit was made up by the industry itself for dollars. Nice job DeBeers, you assholes. Shegirl that is a pretty good idea, I'd definitely consider it if the pawn shop had something she really liked. No I would not surprise it on her, I'd make it loud and clear where it's coming from, because I could also see her going along with it. This is a girl that obsesses over coupons and above all loves a good deal, so knowing that I think the ring itself would probably matter more than where it came from especially if we could save a few hundred bucks or more. Right now the plan is for her to go do some in-person shopping soon and just find out what options exist and what styles she likes, and we'll go from there.
When my wife and I were looking at rings she picked out something reasonable but also pointed out something ridiculous that she'd really want if she wasn't extremely frugal and I was the kind of asshole willing to drop more than 10k on a ring. Sitting at home the following weekend I was trying to google up her dream ring to get a look at similar styles in a more reasonable price range and by happen chance found a craigslist posting for the exact ring, located just 10 minutes from my house, from a guy who had gotten divorced after like 6 months. I met him at a local jeweler's place who vetted the ring out as being the one that matched the paperwork with him etc and picked it up from him for 2500. I didn't have any qualms about telling my wife how I came into the ring and she didn't give a fuck. As far as she was concerned she got her dream ring and we didn't have to feel stupid for dropping an inexcusable amount of money on something that doesn't have any function.
I got lucky, my wife really doesn't like diamonds that much and works in an industrial place, so rings are off the table at work. But I got the diamond from my mom’s original engagement ring. Somehow the diamond fell out of her ring, she knew were, couldn't find it and got a replacement. Something like 4-5 years later someone that worked at the place where she lost it found it (outside gravel parking lot). So I just had to pay for the setting. Still cost me 1k, fucking price of gold, really simple setting too.
People are only going to assume that you're cheap if you TELL THEM. The main point to buying from a pawn shop is never bragging about it. Especially enemas. Take a ring. Put the word "engagement" in front of it and it quintuples in value. For no reason.