St Patty's Day Drunk Thread NSFW

I don't understand the trend of nerds wearing fedoras. I went to a school that had a video game design program, and there were many of these people; fat dudes with scraggly facial hair wearing New Balance sneakers, $8 jeans, anime shirts, and, yes, a fedora to top it all off.

The fedora is the only part of that that puzzles me. If you're a nerd, that's fine, embrace it; wear your comfortable sneakers, save money on jeans, whatever. Do your thing! But the fedora has no practical use... which implies that they think it looks good. They spend no time on their entire appearance, except their hat. When it comes to that, they decide they want to look like Don Draper.

Further more, that demographic is probably the most internet active group there is... do they just not notice everyone on the internet ridiculing nerdy dudes wearing fedoras? Do each of them think they're the exception, and are actually pulling it off? So many questions.

 

Never cared for fedoras. They are for the likes of say my grandfather or Indiana Jones. Everybody else looks like an asshole, especially when Lord Of The Club wears one with his dragon shirt and fang necklace.

The worst ones are the super-short brimmed ones that looks like they should be wearing lederhosen with it.

 

I love a fedora when I'm laying in the pool. Either a fedora or a baseball cap.


But I fucking loathe neck beards.

 

In the end it's just mange and failure slapped over a calcium-deficient skeleton.

 

Whatever happened to Frank?

I imagine him playing Magic The Gathering in a basement lit only by a single overhead bulb while some guy in a black suit and glasses with one darkened lens holds the most valuable card over his head screaming, "MAU, DIDI MAU!"

 

Magic players yell some really amusing shit, so do acid around them. Imagine already barely containing laughter from a full-on LSD buzz and somebody suddenly screams "YOU DON'T HAVE ENOUGH LANDS TO UNLEASH THE LORD OF THE PIT!!!!" (actual quote)

 

My Magic cards were stolen out of a rental car way back in 1998. I don't know if I'd still be playing to this day, but I do know that my collection would be worth around $20,000-$30,000. Damn it all.

 

Things like this make me glad to be part of the MtG community.

<a class="postlink" href="http://www.buzzfeed.com/mrloganrhoades/man-goes-to-magic-the-gathering-tournament-poses-next-to-but" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://www.buzzfeed.com/mrloganrhoades/ ... ext-to-but</a>

The amount of nerds seriously pissed about this was staggering.

 

I've never seen so many hot chicks in one place. The guy's serious and sophisticated expression is what makes it so funny.

I never got how somebody can sit with their ass crack out like. It's not like its undetectable to the owner of said asscrack, they HAVE to know its out. Fat, greasy and no dignity. There's something admirable about it.

 

The best part of Facebook is watching the mating rituals of the fuck-ups back home that I went to high school with. Right now they seem pretty invested in a metaphor where girls are chickens. To the point where the ones who already have kids are calling themselves hens. The rest of it seems to be unintelligible gibberish.

Here's a taste

It's killing me that I might have to move back to that cesspool.

 

I went to a demon cock of a high school in the blue collar area of town. You either escape that mass of future Wal-Mart regulars or forever be a part of it. The ones who peaked while in high school and every once in a while I see a mass of them while at the bar. Still single teenagers, still reliving glory days like they were last week. And by last week, I mean the year Die Hard with a Vengeance was in the theatres.

Fucking losers. One picked a fight with me at a bar a few months back because he thought it was still 1995 and I would shy away. I ignored him. This incensed him twice as much, and he shoves me. The "tough guy" half-shove stating he wants to fight. I do not fight anymore, not for a long time and it stays that way. However I was half-bombed and he had murdered my buzz with pure drunken sociopathy and being I only get out a few times a year, I'd had it. I shoved him as hard as I could, having forty pounds on him and I know how to shove hard. My god did he fly, way more than I thought landing hard and skidding on his ass, he nearly cried which was amazing and caused my friend to point and laugh out loud at him. I was super-pissed at myself for losing my temper, but everyone has a line and pushed and pushed and pushed at me. And if you're in your mid-30's and still picking fights for the sake of picking fights, kill yourself.

 

Was someone talking about neck beards earlier?

Spoiler

 

If he picked a fight you could just grab him by the neck beards.

Edit: Which reminds me, I once watched a fight outside a bar where one of the guys had a really long goatee. The other guy grabbed his goatee, ripped it off and delivered a knockout punch with a fistfull of his beard hair. It's still one of the most awesome things I've ever seen in real life.

 

I can relate to some of that, I grew up in a very small blue collar town and while I had a hell of a time partying throughout high school and college, the vast majority of the guys I grew up with and called close friends have never left the county we grew up in.

I haven't been back home in almost 5 years but the last time I did it was the same group of guys at the same bar talking the same shit about high school glory, we are all around 30 years old now and it was just depressing as hell.

I have exactly one buddy that I still talk to, he moved down here with his wife last year, I told him his buddies back home would fall off the map as soon as he moved and so far it's held true.

I wouldn't go as far to call the guys I know losers but the fear of the unknown seems to have frozen them from branching out and realizing the world is a bigger place than the 30 square miles of my hometown.

 

I personally knew and got along with pretty much everyone I went to high school with. I don't think very many of them are still living in their high school days, but their lives have definitely gotten a lot more depressing since then.

I almost felt bad about posting those quotes earlier because they're both just two 26-year-olds doing their best. It just happens that their best is pretty terrible. Also, they have 4 kids between them.

 

I went to high school with some pretty awesome people and some pretty shitty people. I guess you'll get both ends of the spectrum in a class of 300. Regardless I can easily say moving to Minneapolis for school has been one of the best decisions I've made in my life.

Now I'm getting the "you are up past your bedtime, put the tools down" look.

Spoiler

 

Again man, you need some cabinets built let me know, that is art there.

 

So, I just heard of this thing in Orlando called "Playlist Live" and it says "Come see all you favourite YouTube celebrities perform live!!"

...please tell me this is just a joke. It isn't real, right? Right?!?!

 

I speak to 3 people I went to high school with, one of whom I married. And I live in my home town, but I flat refuse to go to any bars here, because the one time I went, it was like a class reunion of all the dipshits I didn't want to see again. The kind that absolutely peaked in high school.

Now I'm a high school teacher, and I see the kids who are destined to become those kids. I try to warn them. I tell them, point blank, "if you look back in 10 years and say high school was the best time of you're life, you're doing it wrong."

I had another kid tell me two students were cheating on my test. I'm vigilant during tests, but it is impossible to stop everything, and because I didn't personally see it, I can't punish them. They both ended up with Ds (yes, even after cheating), but I decided to address the entire class with this:

"Look, I am hearing rumors of cheating going on. I have one opinion on this. I'm not even mad, and I won't punish them."

I got a look of confusion from a few of the better students, so, I clarified.

"I see no point in punishing them, because if you can't make it through high school, a place that 95% of your peers can pass easily, without cheating? Then I'm sure life will punish you FAR more than I ever could. Just be sure to write me in 10 years to let me know which Walmart you're working at so I can avoid it."

Then I get some chuckles, so fuck it.

"Just kidding. I know you won't even be able to keep a Walmart job."

Apparently, I am too much of a sarcastic asshole for teaching. But someone has to say the shit I WISH my teachers or some adult had said to these assholes when I was in school.