Steak and Blowjob Day

Halloween is bar none the family favourite in this house. After (Canadian) Thanksgiving weekend, I spend practically the rest of the month setting up the outside of the house-- it's tons of fun and a bonifide hobby, last year I had the #3 place for the best halloween hose in the city.

Spoiler

 

So you spend - by your own admission - weeks making your house more enticing in order to lure children to it?

I see.

 

I think the end game is to get them to hate pop music.

 

I'll bet you did.

 

Evertything at the house is frightening or gruesome. Most small kids won't approach from the sidewalk. It's a pedophile house like abstinence is a sex position.

So, N-yah. *mouth fart*

 

Well it was a convenient costume; there is this antique store I hit up every so often; it caters to both the local militaria collectors and this group of guys that like to reenact WW2 type battles. I was in there a little while before Halloween, and I saw the owner had put this reproduction of a Gestapo uniform out for sale. It was a little ill fitting, but it was still reasonably priced for what it was. I couldn't think of anything else to go as, so I plunked down some cash and decided to go as the poster boy for the 20th centuries best known horror show.

It wasn't the best portrayal, since I didn't have all the insignia, the correct boots, or the pistol belt/holster. But to my credit, I was able to pull it off.

 

This year my friends and I will be celebrating our 5th annual Seiso de Mayo (pronounced Say-so day may-o), also known as May 6th. The day starts with everyone gathering in the morning for mimosas, blood marys, and michiladas. Once everyone has arrived and is properly buzzed we make a trip to the nearest thrift shop where everyone puts together a ridiculous outfit for the day. Once back at the house we proceed to get as drunk as possible. There is also the traditional Seiso Speech, where a preselected person makes a speech commemorating the day. The holiday is celebrated from morning til night, generally with the help of some cocaine, and is under no circumstances to be celebrated without being poolside. Trips to the bar, liquor store, and live concerts are encouraged.

The day now holds extra significance as the sex anniversary of my (now married) best friends.

 

I'm still holding out for Harassment Day.

 

A group of us have started a tradition of taking off of work for the first Friday of the NCAA tournament each year to cook and drink the day away. This year we're doing a seafood boil, mixing in a steam pot here and there. It should be glorious.