So this happened in Chicago Tuesday night: "About 2:40 a.m., an 18-year-old man accidentally shot himself in the buttocks in the 2700 block of South Dearborn Street in the Ickes Prairie Homes neighborhood, Gaines said. He was taken to Northwestern Memorial Hospital in good condition." How the hell do you shoot your own self in the ass?
Fun Fact: If your dog swims out in the water after a raccoon (or trash panda, as I like to call them), the coon will grab on to the dog's head and drown him. Fuck raccoons, and fuck canadian geese. Fuck possums too.
Like everyone says, trash pandas are cute and everything 'til you really meet them. I've seen a couple of adult pet raccoons around my parents hometown in rural west-central Illinois and they were calm, just hanging out, but just bizarre. It's always a little funny to me how the thought of hunting some animals can be very upsetting, but nobody cares about the sky carp. In the end they're just assholes, but at least geese can taste good and make for relatively big targets too so they have that going for them.
You must be lucky, down here some people seem to care plenty. Every spring the main quad at my university gets completely infested with the damn things. I know a guy who got charged by one once, and he hauled back and kicked it as hard as he could. He ended up having to go to several disciplinary hearings because a couple of girls saw him and were determined to get him expelled for it. At my first job, the last stretch of my commute was a five-lane road that always had heavy traffic. At least once or twice a week in the spring, everything would get super backed up because some geese decided that they needed to walk across the street, and people stopped and waited for them. Fuck them. They can fly. They were just being assholes.
We get sky carp in our soybeans every spring. The fuckers just walk along and pluck them out of the ground one by one. Luckily we can get permits to shoot them, and this is reason #1 why I own a tricked out AR-15. My neighbor had to replant 17 acres this year because of about 10-12 geese. 17 fucking acres.
It's because tomorrow is stat day for us (Canada day) so even though it's Thurs, it "identifies" as a Fri. I worked with a guy that did that all the time and refused to call Thurs before a stat day a Thurs and it got annoying as all hell. Always got the same "No, it's Friday" response. Or he's just high as fuck.
God bless airports, the only place aside from Vegas where it's normal to have a few beers before noon
I appreciate JPP's honesty and willingness to try and prevent others from making the same mistakes he did. But, if they're only going to have one tip in this video, learning from JPP, shouldn't that tip be: Don't hold a fucking explosive device in your hand when you light the fuse. ?
I went through my dad's things. Found a 40 year old M-80 with 2 ball barrings glued to each end of it. This thing sat on my desk for about a year just waiting for the right time. A week ago I looked into the liquor crystal ball and was like, "Yeah, this doesn't end well." Plucked the fuse, tossed it. If I have to perform the stranger, it's because I'm looking for novelty, not because my other hand is a thumb with a ruler strapped to the wrist.
Just explained to the wife how our future flock of ducks will make for some incredible food. Apparently she thought I was doing all this work building a duck house and everything just for some pets that shit everywhere and make noise and look tasty to our dogs. She is now depressed and very sad that we will be "eating our pets" as she puts it. I suggested not naming them. "But all animals need names!" "Ok how about 'Roasted, Breast, Mint, Jelly, Rosemary, Rendered, Fat' and 'Seared'?" Apparently we can try again for our second child next month. Jesus, we don't even have the damn livestock and they're already causing me problems. Jokes on her though I got a gut feeling (in my balls) that I already knocked her up last night.
Well, she was the one who taught my son that farting was funny. And his newest trick is saying "boobies!" and pointing to women's tits. I'm not saying I agree with it, just saying she taught him. *edit* Although I was the one who taught him that farting on mommy's face was funny.