Jan is ubiquitous on my television, appearing in roughly 1.5 of every 2 commercials I see, looking fairly attractive but not too much so, repeatedly saying "lets go places!" In an indeterminate accent, and I can't tell if she is a shitty actress or just lacks a soul. She's like the Wonder Bread of spokesmodels. Always there, gets the job done, looks clean and well crafted, but there is just nothing there.
I'd do bad, bad things to Flo. It also doesn't hurt that Progressive was the only insurance company that would cover me after my license was suspended. I saw this on a friend's newsfeed the other day, and it seems fitting. Spoiler In other news, one of my cousins called me today to tell me that he's planning on having his deceased little sister exhumed from a cemetery down here (where she happened to die), cremated, and then interred at his family mausoleum in the DFW area. That's not weird, is it?
Hmmm.... They say that the hair on a corpse continues to grow after death. Does that include pubes? Dixie?
Maybe he just wanted to smack it around a bit, make himself feel like a big man. Then take selfies for Instagram. "Back from tha dead yo ROFLcopters"
If I was to state in my will that I want my body auctioned off to the highest-bidding necrophiliac.... would they have to do it? I think its important to continue partying while dead. Maybe I'll get one of those proximity tombstones that will start playing "Go For Soda" when you get close to it.
Thanks Obama! You just KNOW everyone back at the station laughed their asses off as soon as they saw that.
Why is it whenever someone says they know their rights they almost immediately show that they're an inept fuckup?
He did the double-whammy... "I know my rights!"... followed immediately by "I pay your salary!" Defence rests.
Today, my coworker and I were discussing the Romphim Spoiler and she was looping her boyfriend into our conversation via Gchat. He was very mad about the Romphim because "NO MAN SHOULD WEAR CLOTHING THAT MAKES HIS BOOTY CLAP." And we said, "excuse me? How does anything, let alone a piece of clothing, make your booty clap for you?" And he said that the fabric was too thin and the fit was too loose that when you'd walk around your booty would clap. So I took his argument to a group chat of mostly male friends to laugh at him, but they immediately were like "no, no we know what he means. It's not exactly a booty CLAP and it's not like the clothing necessarily MAKES it clap, but it's more like a booty rumble and certain clothes allow for a booty rumble much more than others," and they cited a particular kind of cotton dress and rompers/jumpsuits as being ideal pieces of clothing for showcasing it. Now, my coworker and I still were not entirely sure what they meant by "booty rumble" so we were just kind of laughing it off the whole day. Then when we were walking to the train together, we realized that we both happened to be wearing jumpsuits today and oh no were our booties rumbling? And we got all self-conscious and were kind of, like, glancing back at the people walking behind us to see if we could get a read on our own booty rumbles through them, but they were too far behind us. So then we tried to train our eyes to see booty rumble when we came across some other girls wearing those kind of form-fitting cotton maxi dresses and OH MY GOD BOOTY RUMBLE IS SUCH A THING. It's not like you can just get a good idea of the butt or even see it jiggle a bit like with leggings, it's a distinct rumble. I know exactly what they mean and now I can't unsee it and I'm never going to not be thinking about it when I wear booty rumble clothing from now on.
I admit to just jumping in here. Apparently I haven't logged in in like a week?! I got stressed out enough from work/life the other day that I bought a pack of cigarettes. Other than the half of a cigarette I smoked a couple years ago before I felt like I was going to puke, I haven't smoked in 6ish years. I even bought a damn lighter because I don't always have an extra one (or even a single one) in my car anymore. I haven't opened them. I haven't smoked a single one. Somehow I've got this weird feeling of power because I have cigarettes in my car that I haven't even opened. It's only going to be a matter of time before it backfires on me and I open them, but right now I'm getting a weird high just from the fact that I own them but I haven't opened them.
I've struggled with this for many years. Here is how it normally goes- I get extremely frustrated with something at home or work. I go buy some smokes. The first one tastes like shit and makes me feel sick. The second one makes me wonder why in the fuck I ever found this fun. The third one... the third one is the fun one that sucks you back in and makes you feel the warm fuzzies. Throw yours away before you get to number three and have to go through withdrawals for a week again.