The 2017 Thanksgiving WDT

Just start having Thanksgiving at your house. Invite as many or as few people as you want. Then you can cook your feast, eat somewhat early, kick everyone out of the house afterwards, then watch football and get drunk in your own living room without anyone bothering you. I've been doing it for years now, and it's the most pleasant holiday of the year.

 

Okay, so then travel by land or sea, due south. Ice wall found, right? Then keep going. There should be an edge of the wall, right? So when they go so far as to hit ocean again, that pretty much debunks their theory.

 

From what I remember of Thomas Dolby's theory (Mind you I read this like 30 years ago), if you keep traveling in any direction once you near the edge it disrupts the magnetic field and your compass will then steer you around the edge of the disk. Or something equally nut shit crazy.

I think the easiest way to dispute their bullshit would be to set up a powerful telescope on the beach in California and ask them why you can't see Japan through it. I'm sure they'd come up with some bullshit like....um....I got it. We're on the inside of the circle and they're on the outside, thus we're spinning faster and they're spinning slower which makes us in the future and them in the past, so that's why we can't see Japan with a telescope. Because time travel isn't possible.

 

There are certain catch-phrases that make me immediately lose all interest in somebody when they boast them. “I did my own research” is one of the top phrases.

If “I did my own research” means you read books in a library written by people with STEM phd’s for a course you’re studying for, well... okay. But these people you refer to never mean it like that. “I did my own research” usually translates to “I skipped around a few indie media sites and chose the opinion that best suits my current outrage and/or demographic trend.

 

I did my own research and tried to put a marble on a marble and it fell off. Then I put a marble on a Frisbee and it didn't.

Now I'm confused.

 

If gravity didn’t exist then all the galaxies would fall down. Duh.

 

That takes up one day. It would be fine if it was just one day. You have 4 days with shit spread on each day.

 

Did you lose your balls when you got married?

It's simple: "Hey y'all come over for Thanksgiving on Thursday. After that I'm going fishing/hunting/skiing/whatever."

 

Craziest couple who ever lived:



...it’s almost 1200 feet tall in case you wondered.

 

We used to come across shit up the mountains to climb, but nothing like that. I think the tallest we ever came across was a translator tower for TV signals that was about 600 feet tall. It was on top of a mountain and once we hit the top the wind was unreal, but the view was incredible.

We used to come across old fire watch stations every now and then too. They were about 250-300 feet tall on top of mountains and they always removed the last flight of stairs when they decommissioned them. Basically you had to straddle nothing to go the last 50 vertical feet. I hate heights, but rather than being called a pussy, i always climbed up. Looking a couple hundred feet straight down is not pleasant.

Once we got up to the fire watch cabin my buddies would get up on the hand rail and go up on the roof. I would simply stand there and say "Aw fuck no." And then they'd call me a pussy.

The worst part was going down. You had to look down because that's the direction you were headed and "Down" was a long ways away. I don't like being 10 feet off the ground, never have.

 

There’s up high, then there up high outside. You did some silly stuff.

Go up on a guyed transmission tower and you discover if you are truly not afraid of heights. Once the wind begins to ring the mast......there’s nothing like a death grip drenched in sweat. Safety lanyards or not, after that day I could stand on the edge of buildings.

 

I don't deal well with heights. Never have. I played along when I was scared to death, but I never liked it.

When I was 15 the head cheerleader at high school called out to me "Hey Too Tall (One of the many nicknames I had for being a foot taller then everyone else)...are you afraid of heights?"

I figured it was a ruse to make a crack about my height and immediately said I wasn't afraid of heights.

It wasn't a ruse. She wanted me to climb a 3X extension ladder and hang something from the top of the gym. No one else would do it. I hated every moment of my slow climb up that ladder and every moment of my climb back down. But I did it. And I hated heights just as much when I touched back on the ground as I did when I left.

I did have a new found hatred for cute little cheerleaders though.

 

I overheard a phone conversation between my wife and father-in-law. He stated that he was sick, a bad cold and sore throat. He asked if it was still OK to come for Thanksgiving. My wife told him yes. WTF? It shouldn't be OK with her and he should know better.

If our kid or myself get sick, ima *slap* her. If she gets sick, ima point and laugh.

*I probably won't because that would be wrong. Probably.*

 

When he shows up you should start coughing on him. Hold a little water in your mouth first so it’s a wet cough.

He should get the point.

 

What’s up with Joe Buck’s shitty stubble beard? He looks like he’s been eating dirty ass.

 

I think he just wanted to stop looking like the villain from every frat house comedy. Those snooty rich creeps over at Omega Prep who wanna ban partying on campus.

 

Sometimes you have to see things to believe them:



...I think he’s actually Ukrainian, but I pity the drunk guy who shoves him in a bar.