The 2nd Annual Christmas & New Years Drunk Thread 2010! NSFW

Hey, you'd be amazed how much fat and calories muffins have these days. Coffee chains sell them only so that people can tell themselves that there might be at least some nutrition in there, when really, they're often just as bad or worse than donuts.

 

I just got off the road from Illinois and am ready for a cup of whiskey and some time not staring at a road. My girlfriend arrives here tomorrow and leaves almost the same time as me on the 2nd.

All I have to do until then is have fun with her and pack for the trip. Awesome.

 

Apple was at least 2x better with its synthetic apple slices and canned apple paste substitute. So good.

 

I just purchased $240 and 41 lbs of colorful high-explosives, also known as fireworks.

I walked into the store (there are actually TWO costco-style firework superstores a few miles away), grabbed a fucking SHOPPING CART (which I later filled), found the most redneck-looking employee, and and made my advance toward him. He asked "what are you looking for;" I responded "whatever goes well with beer."

That set the tone.

See down here, there's a burn ban going on in spite of recent rain, meaning no bottle rockets, roman candles, free-standing rockets, illegal rockets, or anything fun like that that you can shove down the open end of a shoulder-mounted pvc pipe and in the general direction of an unsuspecting victim. This meant I had to go big, and powerful, and purchase a plethora of different types, brands, and sizes. Fountains, saturn missiles, top-loaders, pre-packaged "finales," single explosives, black cats, double-shot loaders, and rocket sets. It was buy-1-get-1-free, so instead of simply getting one for half off (read: regular price) like a smart consumer would, I just took that as God's sign that he didn't like it the part of Earth from where I would be setting up my display and wanted me to see to it that I destroyed it.

Have you ever checked out at a firework superstore and all of the employees gathered around your cart and were talking bets on the final price? I had to decline requests from them to come to my house. Yes, you know you purchased the correct shit, and enough of it, when a store's own employees would rather watch your display than what the store complimentary puts on for them.

I may die this Friday..... fuck it, it'll be worth it.

 

Was that a proposition?

 

Computer's been down for 30 hours and I missed out on all this great shit. Why didn't anybody TELL me we were posting pictures of prolapsed rectums? Here:

Spoiler

Made you look. Sick fuck.

 

Sign you've been drinking too much lately: using some listerine, you have to stop mid-swallow because you just threw it back like a shot.

Fucking reflexes.

Now, if it was Scope, you just man up to the bar.

 

I have about $25 left on iTunes from the gift cards I received for Christmas. I'm in the market for some new music, as in new to me not Lady Gaga's newest pile of shit. Any suggestions?

Today was a sad day, I realized that I might have hipster glasses. I never wear them but my contacts are on their last leg and I have to have an exam before I can order more. I think I got these two years ago, which means I abuse the hell out of my contacts because I'm pretty sure I only bought two boxes and they've lasted me that long.

What do you guys think, should I get new frames when I have my next appointment?

Spoiler

 

Shit.

Just finished my first week of graveyard shifts at my job. I now have 3 days off in a row, one of which is paid, since my job considers New Years Eve a holiday. Time to get drunk right?

Well work just called, and like retards, they forgot to schedule anybody for the graveyard shift tonight, and they want me to come back in. I was literally minutes away from cracking open my first beer, and now I may have to come back in and work another night.

But the thing is, I didn't answer the call, they just left me a voicemail. So it's completely up to me whether or not I call them back. I definitely could use the money, but I also could definitely use about 20 beers tonight. It's one or the other.

What do you guys think?

 

Did you go to the 1960's to get those? I am sorry but those are really ugly.

 

If you're looking for any answer other than 'get wasted' you came to the wrong place.

They actually aren't too bad on, but I bought them in the era of Sarah fucking Palin if that explains anything.

 

Take a flask to work and get drunk there. You're welcome.

 

I suck at life.

 

Can't you see how thick those lenses are? I can see the north pole from my house!

You're googling Sarah Palin porn now aren't you?

 

I bet they look fine on. I think mine are pretty similar (minus the blue) and I think they make me look like a sexy librarian. I just need to practice the hair bun release with the top couple shirt buttons spontaneously popping open move.

 

Ummm...no.

Lisa Ann really was a poor choice for the lead in Nailin' Palin though. Not sure who could have done it, but I just can't see her being folksy enough.

I really might have to watch it to make an accurate assessment though.

 

The blue is on the inside so when I'm wearing them you can't see it. So they're not as technicolor as they look in that picture.

I have some sweet tea vodka and don't know what to do with it. It sounded like a good idea when I saw it at the liquor store but now I'm at a loss, I have no idea what to mix it with.

 

Lemonade.