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The 2nd Annual Christmas & New Years Drunk Thread 2010! NSFW

Discussion in 'Weekly Drunk Threads' started by Blue Dog, Dec 1, 2010.

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  1. kuhjäger

    kuhjäger
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    Emotionally Jaded

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    Fuck, home sick watching TV all day.

    Has anyone else noticed the HDTV chickstache effect? Where the lighting plus the hd quality make it look like the women have faint staches.
     
    #4621 kuhjäger, Jan 6, 2011
  2. Primer

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    I respectfully disagree. Olivia Wilde has a rocking body but she's quite the butterface.

    Especially in that picture.
     
    #4622 Primer, Jan 6, 2011
  3. bewildered

    bewildered
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    Deeply satisfied pooper

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    I heard that many Hollywood types weren't too crazy about the new high def TVs because all of their minor flaws would now be very noticeable. Makeup can cover a lot, but when you're in high def, you can actually SEE the makeup now. Who knew that actors and actresses are actually humans like the rest of us?
     
    #4623 bewildered, Jan 6, 2011
  4. Rush-O-Matic

    Rush-O-Matic
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    What are you going to do with the $16k?
     
    #4624 Rush-O-Matic, Jan 6, 2011
  5. Primer

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    Liquor and whores. Seeing as he's got the whore part already, he's got one option as I see it.
     
    #4625 Primer, Jan 6, 2011
  6. The Village Idiot

    The Village Idiot
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    Porn Worthy, Bitches

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    We have a winner! Liquor and whores it is!
     
    #4626 The Village Idiot, Jan 6, 2011
  7. Diablo

    Diablo
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    Good to see he finally got some action. Both you, and 16k dude.
    Have fun trying to wash off the shame.
     
    #4627 Diablo, Jan 6, 2011
  8. whatisinaname

    whatisinaname
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    Hoping to be even a fraction of the man Jim is.

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    Is it okay if they use the same soap and towel that you washed with?
     
    #4628 whatisinaname, Jan 6, 2011
  9. Gator

    Gator
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    I know. Why do they have to make things so complicated?

    The vagina is the answer to any question or problem.

    Don't believe me? Next time somebody asks you a question you cannot or do not want to answer, just show them your vagina.

    Solved.
     
    #4629 Gator, Jan 6, 2011
  10. Diablo

    Diablo
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    But of course. And I had to pay for both because the guy stiffed me (haha) and ran after everything went down. I'll never trust a New Orleans-ite again.
     
    #4630 Diablo, Jan 6, 2011
  11. Devils Advocate

    Devils Advocate
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    Disturbed

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    There are somedays that I really question my career choice. Maybe I just don't have the patience for gigantic morons, or maybe I am just burnt out at my job.

    I had a lady come in my office today, that wanted to file an auto claim. I should have just let my receptionist handle it, but she seemed a little bit frazzled so I handled it. Now I can go on and on about crazy, claim stories, but for some strange reason this lady really urked me.

    In the past 6 months, she and her husband have filed 4 claims.

    1. She backed into a post at a diner.

    2. She backed into a tree at one of her rental properties.

    3. Her husband, while trying to learn how to operate the ride-on lawnmower on the driveway, drove the lawnmower straight up the garage door, breaking the door, and had the lawnmower flip over backwards on him. (Also have their homeowner's policy.)

    4. Today's claim, she backed into a fucking fence.

    Me: "You hit a fence?"
    Her: "Yes, it was dark, I couldn't see it."

    I guess she couldn't see the tree....or the post..... and her husband couldn't see the "off" label either....

    I see alcohol in my near future. I'm on the final half hour countdown.
     
    #4631 Devils Advocate, Jan 6, 2011
  12. Diablo

    Diablo
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    So, do these people get money for being complete fucking retards? I really hope you take their file and shred it as soon as it's put on your desk.

    If not, then I'm going to drive my car off a bridge and just claim I didn't see the water down there.
     
    #4632 Diablo, Jan 6, 2011
  13. Devils Advocate

    Devils Advocate
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    Disturbed

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    Unfortunately, insurance does cover stupidity. Unless it is "intentional" stupidity. Really, if you happened to "lose control" which "made" your car go off a bridge, the company would pay out.
    I have had much more extreme stories come in to my office.

    I have already requested that their policies get non-renewed. My regional office will happily do that.
     
    #4633 Devils Advocate, Jan 6, 2011
  14. Diablo

    Diablo
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    Like, I could claim it was raining and I never knew that cars need new tires after 100k miles so I "spun out" and flew off a bridge? Luckily I'll have my trusty parachute in the passenger seat (because I was base jumping earlier, duh) and was able to save my own life.

    Oh, do tell these extreme stories!! (unless confidentiality) I'm bored and want to hear of incredibly stupid people doing incredibly stupid things!!
     
    #4634 Diablo, Jan 6, 2011
  15. Devils Advocate

    Devils Advocate
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    Disturbed

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    Hahaha. Better off saying you broke your window, and swam out through it, but the parachute alibi might work.

    I'm okay as long as I don't say names.

    Last week, I had an old, vietnamese lady hit a town historic landmark. She hit the gas instead of the brake. The building was an old house. The whole fucking thing crashed down.

    I have had a homeowner's house catch on fire, because a squirrel who's tail was on fire, decided to jump on the roof. The neighbor saw the whole thing happen. What I don't know is how the squirrel's tail caught on fire.
     
    #4635 Devils Advocate, Jan 6, 2011
  16. Rush-O-Matic

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    Oh hell yes - I'm sure SheGirl and DA would love to co-respond in the new "Ask An Insurance Person" thread.
     
    #4636 Rush-O-Matic, Jan 6, 2011
  17. shegirl

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    Redemption Seeking Whore

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    Oh insurance my favorite topic.

    Vandals wanted the guys tags so bad they cut them out of his license plate.

    Car stolen with kid in back, not so unusual until the thief ran into a wall. Kid was fine though.

    Parents out of town, they had just bought a new car. Bad kid in the house so they'd hidden the keys in their locked bedroom. He broke into the room, found the key, at this point stole the car, went out and got hammered and proceeded to run into a McDonalds. Yes, you read that right. All was covered except the kids stupidity. I hate kids.

    I had a young father of 4 that was killed. He worked nights and was on his way home sitting at a stop light. The police were in a highspeed chase, his car was hit and he was killed. After almost 15 years in the business this is still the worst and saddest claim. I will never forget it or the voicemail I picked up the following morning left by his widow. Terrible.

    That's just a few of the odd ones. Just yesterday a rep was here telling a story from when she was a former claim adjuster. A baby deer 2-3 days old dropped from the sky and landed on the clients parked car. Apparently an eagle lost it's dinner that day. How weird is that?
     
    #4637 shegirl, Jan 6, 2011
  18. JGold

    JGold
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    I love that nice warm feeling that fills your belly when you take your first sip of rum after five days of utter sobriety. Mmm, mmm, good.
     
    #4638 JGold, Jan 6, 2011
  19. Fernanthonies

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    I think I'm gonna pick up a six pack on the way home tonight. I mean, fuck, it's almost the weekend, right?
     
    #4639 Fernanthonies, Jan 6, 2011
  20. JGold

    JGold
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    Thursday's not the weekend? There's a new Jersey Shore on tonight.
     
    #4640 JGold, Jan 6, 2011
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