The 2nd Annual Christmas & New Years Drunk Thread 2010! NSFW

One of the last girls I hooked up was a squirter. Contrary to it looking kind of cool in porn, it fucking sucks in real life.




And I'm technically not drinking alone if some of you schmucks are drinking also, right?

 

I knew she was a cougar, but I didn't think she was of age to be incontinent.

 

Yes ladies and gentleman, I am hammrered. Thank Jebus for spell check otherwise is be and screwed as ms jenn a few pages back...HApyt new yeae!!

 

I have a lovely little Wednesday night wine buzz going (just got home - it's my Monday at work), but I'm hesitating going for the vodka because that leads to me guzzling Absolut/rocks, chain smoking and playing Wii bowling until 6:30 am. Nothing wrong with that, but I try to save that for Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights. What to do, what to do?

 

Had morning sex, she left and I went back to sleep. I woke up late for class and work so I ran out of my place. All day I kept wondering what the hell that effin smell was everywhere.

Until it dawned on me.

 

For the record we need more titties in the boobie thread. I know yall have girls at least as cool as mine, sheesh. I can only stand jerkin off to taste_my_rainbow's udders for so long..

 

Over 1000 posts already in here? JESUS we'll cure cancer in here before this ends.

I hate this. It's 3:45 in the morning, my daughter woke me and now I can't sleep.

Man, I would love to have this guy as a lawyer. A poet of Poets:

 

Macho Man Randy Savage FTW!



Skip to 1:43 if you're in a hurry...

 

Hurrah, tonight one of my finest friends is back in town. I only have £17 in the bank, but if I use it very carefully I will be able to get drunk tonight.

Also, I just discovered the old band "The Grass Roots". They're really good and creed from the Office used to play for them you know.

Edit: I'm currently studying the globalisation of Christmas and came across this Gem describing Xmas in Germany:

"Knecht Rupert is a very different kind of visitor from Santa Claus: whereas Santa’s visit is invariably a happy one, leaving behind him presents for all the children of the house, Rupert’s visits can be happy or unhappy, depending on how the child in question has been behaving. For the badly behaved child, Christmas might well be a time of punishment rather than reward. "

 

Ah, the life of being a night shifter.

Sitting down with an old fashioned glass, sipping some Basil Hayden with a benadryl chaser. Almost bedtime.

 

I don't know how I forgot to share this-

I have been hitting the elliptical at my gym as I am getting old and running is starting to make me think I need a new knee. It is generally empty when I go, a sad testament to the obesity epidemic at my apartments. Well, yesterday I was not alone. A hispanic lady was there with her kid, looked to be about 3 or so. The mother was sort of working on the other elliptical while watching a Drs. show about ingrown toenails with subtitles.

I hold down a bit of nausea and put in my headphones. They are cutting some woman's foul ass toe onscreen. I set my stride and focus on the pool outside, covered and depressed. Soon I am pouring sweat, pushing myself, about 10 minutes in. I have forgotten about the tv show, the child, etc.

And then I feel the impact of something come into contact with my right foot, enought to jarr my momentum severely.

I look back, I have nailed this little furry girl in the face! The mom leaps off of her perch, swearing in spanish and takes off.

I don't know if I actually injured her or not. But, I did get 5.4 miles in 20 minutes.

Legs today, goddamned squats...

 

Sorry, but when you say "furry girl," I picture this:

which makes your story even funnier.

 

Kicking plushies and pals in the face is ALWAYS funny!

 

A Texas music salute to the TiB midday dopers and drunks. Missed a chance to see this dude last week. Good sound. Enjoy.

 

Since I'm a free man, I'm going to make myself a caesar. The only shame I feel in the situation is that I didn't think to do this before it was noon.

And while I'm on it, this:

 

........and one for the girls.

 

Moreover, why are we posting pictures of high school sophomores with butterflies on their nipples? Is this going to get me on some sort of watchlist?

 

Speaking of terrible parenting, I witnessed an incident the other day. I brought my puppy to my parents' house so my mom could see it and she could bond with their pug(who instead tried to molest my puppy all night). We went to the grocery store to get some cilantro for our tacos, so I waited outside with the dog. This one and a half legged black dude approached me and my little Siberian Husky with, "that dog got wolf in it?". Anyways he turned out to be pretty cool and we were bullshitting when about ten feet away an altercation starts to take place. The owner of the smoke shop near the grocery store who looks like your typical smoke shop owner(think Persian) is being towered over by a lanky tweaker who's wife and young daughter are standing a few feet away waiting for him. The lanky tweaker proceeds to yell at the smoke shop owner about how he was running his mouth the other day to the cops when said tweaker was in handcuffs. The tweaker then spits in the guy's face. SPITS IN THE GUY'S FACE. And he does nothing. Meanwhile his wife and daughter are trying to catch the bus and the wife yells "I'm going to fucking kill you, hurry up." Without missing a beat my cool 1.5 legged buddy says, "on that note, y'all have a good day."

A few points to the story:
1) How doomed is the tweakers daughter? You don't spit in a guy's face and threaten him while your daughter watches you act like that. And then the mother proves she can be just as malignant to the development of this little girl by yelling obscenities at the father.
2) If somebody spits in your face, regardless of size difference, how can you possibly react by just standing there? In front of people, none the less. I understand that tweakers will fight to the death, but I can't imagine somebody spitting in my face and me just taking it while the crowd watches.