The 2nd Annual Christmas & New Years Drunk Thread 2010! NSFW

Meatloaf was on the Johnny Dare morning show this morning but I missed it because I was at work.

I'm not sure why I like him, but I do. Probably has something to do with my mom rocking out to him when I was young and impressionable. Thankfully I didn't inherit her taste in Cher.

 

God, it must suck to be A-Ha nowadays. Can you imagine being immortalized in that piece of shit video? And we all loved it. Well, you all loved it, I was still kickin' it at the pool party in my daddy's balls. But yeah.

 

Gasp! So, tasting Cher is bad? But, without Cher at Christmas we wouldn't have had this gem:


I mean, where else would Captain Kangaroo, Cher and Bernadette Peters have come together in Joy and such to scar an infant for life?


Edit: The infant scarring happens about the 2 minute mark. (Don't know why the volume is so low.)

 

Yeah, OK, Cher is pretty awful, but this still remains one of my favorite songs for reasons I'm not sure I understand. Also that dress and the hair is awesome.

 

Lemme guess. You're either:
A) A dirty gypsy.
B) Gay.
C) All of the above.

Am I close?

 

Jesus Christ. I didn't realize it until now but Captain Kangaroo HAS to be a pedophile. Between the haircut and mustache, no other conclusion can possibly be drawn.

 

No, but I am a fan of slutty teenage girls with stripper moms.

 

I just want to go on record as saying that Remmington has some badass customer service. Got a new shotgun, firing pin was broken, didn't shoot out of the box and accordingly never shot it. Instead of fixing it, they just issued permission to return it and cut a check for a new one.

Yesterday I was out with my 20 gauge, I was feeling it for that day for whatever reason, and there was nothing that was tossed up I didn't hit on the first or second shot. So, I tried trick shooting:

- pulled the cord on the thrower, picked gun up off ground, nailed it (second try)
- left-handed (I'm right handed, and got it on the first try, but admittedly I do this shot a lot)
- hand throw left hand (third shot)
- one-handed (first shot)
- over-the-shoulder (either 2nd or 3rd, I forget)
- turn around and shoot it (first)
- track it until it almost hits the ground (first)
- hit it, follow the biggest piece, hit that (first)

The only thing I wasn't able to get was shooting from the hip, wild-west style. My favorite was the one-handed.

God I love guns. Beer, boobs, and boxes of shells.

 

Yeah we aren't very prepared, generally speaking. But I bet you drive something manly and adequate for driving in such conditions too. Like a Miata. Do you stomp your foot when you get mad too?

Seriously, you city folk get all ruffled up but us rural folk have 4WD and we know how to use it.

Anyway...

One of my friends on facebook just posted this. I have no idea if it's his Christmas tree or if he found it somewhere but it's hilarious.

 

He's working the pedo-smile like he made it up.

 

*Depending your political views of course

 

You got how much in NC? This is what I got to tear around in on Saturday.

First two are on I-35 just outside St Paul at about 7:30 am on the way to the bait shop.




This is I-94 on the way home about 1:00 pm. Believe it or not, there were idiots stopping in the middle of the interstate-not pulling over to the side but stopping in the middle of the one available lane-to clean off their windshields. That's no bueno when you can barely see past your bumper.



This is my teammate. This is in the middle of the St Croix River. Visibility was less than 50 yards. It's hard to tell, but in whiteout conditions like this you can't determine distance and you don't have any depth perception.

 

All that snow was making things shrink up. And now, back to ass:

I like how in this one, the grass in the background curves to follow, sort of nature saying that, yes, that is a nice rear end.


Then, I like how in this one - ah, screw it, I think you can tell why I like this one.

 

So they haven't plowed my street in four days so after they deciced to it last night the right winger plowed a diamond-hard wall of snow, slush and ice four feet high and three feet wide into the entire end of my laneway, then freezing rain poured over all night, then the temperature dropped 17 degrees, turning into a shimmering monument that can deflect small arms fire. I had to hack it to pieces wih a spade Anthony Perkins-style to even but a dent in this gigantic frozen parasite. I was completely exausted and I hadn't even driven to work yet.

We still doin' the 80's shit? If so....

She has the greatest voice ever, but MAN this gets cornier and cornier:

 

Today's the birthday (according to Facebook) of a guy who was somewhere connected to my circle of friends. He was a big fat nerd in high school, and apparently he is now the assistant manager at a Gamestop somewhere, not to mention "In a Relationship" with what looks (from his profile picture) like a big fat chick who has whale blubber for triceps. There truly is somebody for everybody.

By the way, here's a little nugget of wisdom I gleaned from 4chan about a year ago: you know those nasty yellow things you occasionally cough up in the shower? Ain't just you.


*Original post was literally: "Post in this thread if you've ever coughed up one of these and didn't know what it was." Dude was doing a fucking public service.

 

it's like the good kind of train wreck where you are caught staring and staring, but then it isn't a train wreck at all?


either way i finished my last exam, and the government gave me a tax check for some reason!? So i am going out tonight to make some bad decisions, and then back to work tomorrow so I gotta get up at 6. This wont end well

 

Jesus I hate that song. It's Almost as bad as the Christmas Shoes song. That one makes me want to plow my car into the nearest immovable object when it comes on the radio.

Anyway, 104 pages and we are still just under two weeks away from Christmas, color me impressed. I have a feeling though that this thread is going to turn into a shit-show over the Christmas weekend and the page count is going to go through the fucking roof.

Not enough asses though, I'll make sure to post some once I get home...come on 5 o'clock.

 

Cheesy 80s + Christmas = Win!

 

I bet she can crack walnuts with this ass.

Wait, I bet she could crack golf balls with it.