The 2nd Annual Christmas & New Years Drunk Thread 2010! NSFW

I totally agree, sometimes the stereotypes are just stupid but sometimes people hit the mark dead on. When I was working at a sandwich place a while back, this black dude would come in every day and order the same thing, a chicken sandwich with purple fanta. First time he came in, he actually asked if we had any purple stuff to drink. A few years later he would be one-uped by a lady at another job I had. Large black lady comes to my counter at an auto parts store and places a big bag on the counter. Contents? Bucket of KFC, 2L of purple soda and a small watermelon.

I'll agree, all of that shit is delicious, but come the fuck on. How am I not supposed to laugh?

 

Today I got some looks at Wal-Mart when a friend and I bought the following:

Fried Chicken
3 Christmas sweaters
Tights
Two elf hats
A scarf
A 2 liter of rootbeer.

The cash register girl actually looked up at us and laughed when she saw the tights and the fried chicken. I was tempted to ask her where the condoms were in the store, but sadly refrained.

All of the Christmas stuff is for a party we are having on Saturday, tights are for my friends girlfriend who asked him to get some for her, and the fried chicken was dinner...if you guys were wondering.

 

And to make all that stereotyping even better, one of them had a comb stuck in his hair.

 

So, for the whiny bitch who thought this thread didn't have enough drunk in it:

Anyone ever been flown out somewhere for an interview? What's the protocol for this?

Dude who's interviewing me has said they're paying for it (duh), but is it the norm for them to buy tickets in your name (like when your parents want you to come home for Christmas), or is it more common that you pay for them and get reimbursed?

If it's the latter, I get to have an amusing conversation tomorrow about how I am bee-roke. In addition to having no money, a tire on my car cracked, and the others are old, so I need to replace all four.

He gave me a window for the meeting, and said to find something that wasn't "crazy expensive." The fuck does that mean? Crazy expensive to someone making good money is entirely different from someone who thinks anything more costly than a Skype conference call is overkill. Best I could find (from Alabama to California and back) is $800.

Hey, anyone who works in career services, how about teaching us about this shit instead of just telling us to "network." Fucking overpaid, worthless paper pushing assholes.

 

Just got back from the KU vs. UCLA game. Craziness. Sloppy, yet physical playing. Shitty officiating. Horrible call to keep it out of overtime with 0.7 seconds left in the game. Good times were had by all.

 

This is not attractive. Her ass is completely out of proportion to the rest of her body, and you can see her stomach pooch.

 

God dammit am I the only one into the colored wimmins?



(yes, I know that is Serena Williams and I know she has a man face but her tits and ass are still out of control)

 

I'm loving this whole new .gif trend going on.

NSFW

No boobs or ass, just money and funny 'naw mean?

Spoiler

I hope this isn't one of you.

 

My new roommates here are a black guy and girl. And I guess it really is true that black people like to keep the temperature high. Around this time of year, I'm used to keeping the central heating between 68-70, and then knocking it down to 65 or so at night. My roommates on the other hand constantly keep it at 75. During the day it's no big deal (especially since I'm rarely home anyway) but at night it is miserable. I have to keep my fan running at all times and crack a window to keep it comfortable otherwise the second I get under the covers I turn into a disgusting sweaty mess.

 

Come on over here. You'll see plenty of highly strung Asian people crying after exams / job interviews / meetings with professors / discussing their future career options in terms of what their parents will and won't permit them to do.

I have discovered the most wonderful bar ever. Have you ever been greeted by a waiter with the phrase, "Friends, may I get you inebriated?" and then you had a choice of over two dozen premium beers on tap to choose from, almost any one of which is rarely found in ordinary bars?

 

I want.

In other news, I accidentally got drunk. Yep.

 

i guess i'm kind of drunk now after I fucked off and drank half a six pack and a few rounds of whiskey with some buddies, but I wouldn't say it's more than buzzed, if anything. What happened to "I'm just gonna one beer tonight"? Guess i missed by one or two there.

Fuck. So I'm in a predicament here, this was gonna be a rant/rave but what the fuck, this girl is obviously really into me, she is highly responsive whenever I say anything, she gives me a sort of hungry look sometimes, and she gets all nervous around me and babbles and gets all insecure.

Downside to this apparent easy lay? I think she may actually be borderline retarded, and I don't mean that as an insult, I think she may legitimately be borderline retarded. She misses fairly obvious things, she fails to understand things that are said frequently, she uses the wrong words all the time, she gave me a 6 pack of string cheese as a romantic parting gift (a la the lock of hair) I mean the list goes on. But this makes it even more obvious that she wants me.

Fuck.

The problem isn't that I feel guilty, the problem is that I DON'T feel guilty when I feel like I should.

Fuck.

I seem to really know how to pick em.

On the upside I got fucking awesome gloves that switch between fingerless and mittens, so I can alternate between being hobo Joe and a teletubbie at will. It's freakin sweet.

The other upside is say what you will about the retarded, but string cheese is fucking delicious and I just ate 6 of them for free. Fuck. Yes. Motherfucker.

Edit: Although, honest to god the funniest part of my night was her spending 10 minutes telling us all about how much she hated carrying napkin-covered rice crispy treats in her pockets because she can never get all the little bits of paper that get stuck off. Someone immediately pointed out she could use a ziploc to solve this problem, but she just didn't seem to understand what he meant. The rest of us then made a series of jokes that eventually ended with me saying she should wear rice crispy pants so she can put the treat in directly, and then that she should put a napkin in her rice crispy pants pocket in case she needs it later, but then how she'd never be able to get the rice crispies off her napkin. Later she was getting upset and I said "her rice crispy pants are riding up on her...but I don't really want to think about the places she'll never be able to get all the rice crispies out of now."

 

DOn't remember if i've posted about it, but one night after a long night of partying I came home to find my ENTIRE apartment complex full of black people. I was confused, but intrigued. It turned out they had:

• blaring rap music
• a couple of trash cans loaded to the brim with purple drank
• chicken barbecuing on the grill
• chicken frying on the stove
• chicken baking in the oven

It was fucking awesome. I wound up eating a drumstick and drinking purple drank while explaining to two black girls why the codeine in the purple drank would likely kill me in my sleep since it had a proclivity for stopping your breathing when combined with alcohol. I then directed one guy to buy weed from my housemate, and told a fat black guy how I was more african than him since I was from South Africa and went into a discussion of the Apartheid and how American segregation didn't hold a candle. He showed me porn on his phone and told me it was girls he knew. I also kept mistaking some random guy for the owner of the place, and kept telling him how awesome his party was despite him telling me multiple times he wasn't from around here in a southern accent. Then the owner of the apartment threw me out on my ass because I was making a drunken mess and generally being an ass.

Oh, and the next Halloween they all came back and the fat guy high fived me on sight.

Good times.

 

All this talk about black people, maybe whathasbeenseen should chime in since he is an actual Real McCoy black person.

That is, unless he's busy shouting things at a movie theatre screen.

 

My nurse is sound asleep against my wall. His name is Mufta, I call him Muffasa. Hopefully I don't die.

 

Former roommate and I were downtown a few years ago during the summer. We were walking down Queen or King or wherever and there were 2 black guys in front of us. They were both wearing crooked baseballs caps on top of do-rags, winter jackets (Again... Summer.), baggy jeans and tan Lugz boots.

The matching outfits weren't the best part. They were walking side by side and they were both doing the stereotypical homeboy strut. You know the one. And they were PERFECTLY IN SYNC. When one made a completely overexaggerated motion, the other made a completely overexaggerated motion.

I wanna know how long did they practiced that shit before taking it public.

 

She's not retarded, she's a fucking genius. Why give you a lock of her hair when she can hook you on the cheese? It's love at first infarction.