This truly is one of the largest problems facing men. You should be out there chopping down California redwoods or hunting Nazis but instead, you're stuck inside posting on an internet forum. We're here to support you, brother. On a more serious note:
This is slightly off-topic, but is the suicide rate that much higher for men because on the whole more of them do it, or because men tend to choose more violent methods (i.e. guns), and are therefore more successful when they attempt?
Wikipedia says that suicide attempts are not statistically significantly different between genders, but men die from it more frequently. Statistics Canada says that women attempt more frequently, but men die from it more frequently. I'm not sure where the discrepancy comes from - it could be a statistical artefact (i.e. a single woman may attempt suicide multiple times and increase the overall number of female suicide attempts) . However, there are some specific situations where suicidality is much higher for men, most notably post-divorce.
Cutting a net-worth in half, paying alimony, and more often than not losing primary custody of kids is a tough pill to swallow for some guys.
Kind off topic, but am I the only guy here (33 yrs old) that learned how to sew in school? We had a mandatory class in the first year of high school that was meant to be a "practical skills" kind of course. It was divided into four parts: cooking, sewing, word working, and for some reason drafting. Everyone had to take it. In sewing we made hoodies.
I've read it comes down to method. Men use things like guns, which kill instantly, while women are more prone to things like pills, so if they're found in time they can be saved.
I suppose this goes back to what we've discussed prior about being vulnerable. You've reduced committing suicide after divorce to financial loss. I mean, I'm pretty sure you'd agree that losing your spouse and having your life torn apart is both devastating and risk enough to generate suicidal thoughts. But if we're going to talk about the idea that men can't be vulnerable - and that this is one of the biggest problems facing men - I think we should at least say that there is far more than just a financial component to what's going on. The discrepancy I was referring to was that one source said suicide attempts between genders were identical, while another source said that they were not.
My third reason wasnt financial related, but I'm sure its emotionally and mentally devastating for the man just as much as the woman. Pressing the reset button on life, especially the older you are when it occurs, has to be awful. But overall, men tend to get the shorter end of the stick in a divorce when the ink is dry, which just compounds the misery. Ballsack, if you're lurking, whats the dealio?
If I had to guess why divorce seems to have a heavier impact on men, it would be because: - Men are far more likely to define themselves based on their net worth financially. My sense is that women and their bodies/sexuality have the same degree of vulnerability as men do with their career/money. So any event that halves their net worth, claims their future income and makes their careers more difficult would have a profound adverse impact. - Men don't have the emotional outlets that women do, as a rule. If I'm really upset and hurt I turn to my friends - girls or guys - and I vent and eventually I calm down and gain perspective. Men tend to not expose their pain to anyone, unless there is a specific problem they need solved. So instead of venting all the hurt and anger from the divorce, they swallow it, or ignore it, or act out. This is a situation where I 100% agree it's harder to be a man, because we haven't really evolved a great culture that allows men to be upset and in pain.
My own pet theory is that when men lose an intimate partner, they lose one of the few people - if not the only person - that they are in any true sense intimate and vulnerable with. Losing that one person has a much bigger impact when you don't have other people you can share that side of you with. If this were true, you'd expect to see older women commit suicide because their aging bodies aren't as beautiful as they used to be.
Let me elaborate: when you talk to men about being approached and how it can be stressful or scary, quite a few just cannot empathize. Even if you paint a scenario like, "Imagine a 400lb women keeps touching your arm and offering you sex in front of everyone," there's still an element of, "Yeah she's gross, but it's kind of flattering and I can just tell her to fuck off." I have more luck when I explain it like this: Imagine every time you go out, the girl you're with makes an offhanded comment like, "Oh, so how much money is in your bank account?" And when you go to a club all the girls on the way to the bathroom grab your wallet. Not to steal from you, just to have a look at the contents. And the underlying assumption society tends to make that how much you have is equal to how much you're worth. THAT feeling is closer to what it feels like to be catcalled or have your ass grabbed by a stranger, and seems to illustrate the point better. Women are judged on their bodies and their appearance the way men are judged by their careers and their success. In general.
Indeed. Half of marriages end in divorce, men lose more than 80 percent of divorce and/or custody cases. What could be worse than losing your kids? Nothing.
And on top of that, women are more likely to bend the courts in their favour, so in addition to the stress of a family breaking up and finances being in upheaval, you are more likely to have false allegations leveled against you. A good friend got divorced last year, from a marriage that had never been happy. He had, however, been The Dad to his kids...coaching every game, traveling with them, etc. He's also badly dyslexic. As soon as they split, the ex started insisting that all communication occur via email, and then her messages started to imply that she was afraid to be alone with him. She was attempting to leave a paper trail of threats to gain favour in the court. I don't hear many stories of men exercising that kind of manipulation.
http://violentacres.com/archives/54/the-deadbeat-dad-myth/ As far as being a dad and relating to what's hard for guys, this paints the pretty bleakest picture possible for a guy.
http://violentacres.com/archives/129/it-takes-two-parents-to-raise-a-successful-functioning-child/ Another of VA's good posts on modern dads, highlighted for brevity for those who don't want to read it:
Yeeeeah, I'm a single father (who has full custody) who has worked in family law, and that whole article is almost completely full of shit. It seems like it was written by some bitter guy lashing out against everyone else for his own fuckups. "Maybe Scott Petersen was onto something" sounds like the pathetic whine of a keyboard warrior, to say nothing of the bullshit Judge-chasteizing. Courts don't want more cases coming to them(they are overflowing with cases as it is), that's why most jurisdictions have, among other programs, court-mandated mediation (which is (a) free, (b) is not managed by the court and (c) can becoming binding by the court if the parents can agree on what's best for the child) to specifically avoid mothers and fathers going to court over their children.