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The EPIC Turkey Day.. ZOMG & THE EPIC XMAS D.T BOOM ROASTED!

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Frank, Nov 21, 2011.

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  1. ghettoastronaut

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    On the car ride home today, all of the god damned Christmas songs on the radio really drove home what Christopher Hitchens said about this time of year: it's like living in a one party state.

    Every time I see a "keep Christ in Christmas" display somewhere, I want to hurt something. The entire fucking world only celebrates your holiday for one fifth of the year, and that's not enough? You're no better than hipsters. You might as well say "I used to like Christmas before it sold out".

    In other news, looks like big mister "I use guns because I'm a big patriotic man!" doesn't know how to keep his fucking ejection port cover closed. Amateur.
     

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    #4701 ghettoastronaut, Dec 24, 2011
  2. Kubla Kahn

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    Did I just shit myself?

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    Ehh. My mom and her boyfriend are the hoytie toytie secularist and they get just as pushy, nose in the air annoying, and condescending as the god is great crowd does when the subject comes up. No matter what side you take the behavior is really what I don't like about it. I stopped burning calories arguing about it in high school.
     
    #4702 Kubla Kahn, Dec 24, 2011
  3. Bundy Bear

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    Figured now that my youngest brother is 18 the being woken up on CHristmas morning shit would be done with, nope. Guess I'm going to have a couple of days worth of pranks to pay the little fucker back. Almost drinking time agian.
     
    #4703 Bundy Bear, Dec 24, 2011
  4. dewercs

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    My amish neighbors are so progressive, check out the lights they put up for this Christmas.
     

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    #4704 dewercs, Dec 24, 2011
  5. Frank

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    I'm about to finish my second bottle of sake. It's not even six, this is going to be an interesting family dinner.
     
    #4705 Frank, Dec 24, 2011
  6. kuhjäger

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    Listen bitches
     
    #4706 kuhjäger, Dec 24, 2011
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 27, 2015
  7. PIMPTRESS

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    Sledding is so fun, aside from getting snow crammed down the back of my pants. On the flip side, my ass is so fresh and so clean now...
     
    #4707 PIMPTRESS, Dec 24, 2011
  8. jordan_paul

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    I bet that's the first time you're able to say that with a straight face since you were 12.
     
    #4708 jordan_paul, Dec 24, 2011
  9. Juice

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    How to Embarass Yourself And Your Family at Chrismas Mass - 101

    1. Go to a Christmas Mass which is absolutely packed.

    2. Right before the Communion procession, look down at the pew in front of you and notice the words "Shit Dildo" is carved into the wood.

    3. Begin laughing hysterically while drawing the ire of your mother and people around you.

    4. Excuse yourself from mass.
     
    #4709 Juice, Dec 24, 2011
  10. ghettoastronaut

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    Careful now, there's more than a few members on the board who are fans of rim jobs (in the Christmassy, giving sense) and you might get them excited.
     
    #4710 ghettoastronaut, Dec 24, 2011
  11. PIMPTRESS

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    It's even chilled to a refreshing temperature, my lips are almost numb...hahahaha



    edited to add: Rum is awesome.
     
    #4711 PIMPTRESS, Dec 24, 2011
  12. Blue Dog

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    Have I ever told yall that I love my wife? 'Cause I love my wife.

    We can't do anything with the family this year because of our sick buddy, including going to the big dinner that was planned for tonight. Our Christmas eve consist of us sitting at home taking care of the buddy, waiting for my mom to bring us a plate after they eat.

    So I ask The Wife what she wants to watch on TV, because she doesn't give a shit about Football unless its Rex Ryan, Mark Sanchez, or Jonathan Vilma (her favorites- Rex Ryan because of Hard Knocks, Sanchez because he's a cute Mexican, and Vilma because "He looook like a cheeepmunk! I love heeem!"). Her response?

    "'Tchu know, can we watch Lonesome Dove? Eeets so good and dee old men are so cute! And 'tchu need to dreeenk a beer and geeet drunk for beeeing a good daddy today."

    So yeah, I came. Feliz Navidad, mi esposa bella.
     
    #4712 Blue Dog, Dec 24, 2011
  13. TX.

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    Dreading midnight mass tonight. I predict my brother and I getting completely sauced before we leave.
     
    #4713 TX., Dec 24, 2011
  14. Kubla Kahn

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    Did I just shit myself?

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    I do enjoy not having to deal with these stupid things.
     
    #4714 Kubla Kahn, Dec 24, 2011
  15. $100T2

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    I'm trying to explain to my wife that Chinese take-out is a wonderful Christmas Eve tradition.

    Chinese delivery would be even better, but you know we jus' cant git that kinda stuff ways out here in the cuuuuuuuntry.
     
    #4715 $100T2, Dec 24, 2011
  16. JoeCanada

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    I'm going to enjoy not having to deal with hell.

    I go to mass once a year (tonight) and while I'm there, all I think about is how ridiculous Catholicism seems, and all the horrible things I would do to the beautiful women who are always there. Still counts!


    Oh, and PIMPTRESS, maybe on the eve of our saviour's birthday you could stop posting about your delicious chilled ass? Maybe show some respect? Just PM me about it instead? Mkay?
     
    #4716 JoeCanada, Dec 24, 2011
  17. PIMPTRESS

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    Oh! I didn't mean to offend you! I forget about the "real" reason for Chrismas. I thought it was all about sharing?
     
    #4717 PIMPTRESS, Dec 24, 2011
  18. Kubla Kahn

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    Is it really at midnight or is there generally a earlier time?
     
    #4718 Kubla Kahn, Dec 24, 2011
  19. JoeCanada

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    There's usually an earlier one, and there's one around midnight as well. The earlier one is for families, then the midnight one is "cosmic mass" with strobe lights and fog machines and stuff.
     
    #4719 JoeCanada, Dec 24, 2011
  20. john_b

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    It's really at midnight. I used to throw a party every Christmas eve. We'd all get drunk, go to midnight mass, and make fools of ourselves. Then we'd go for pizza. The dudes who owned the pizza parlor knew we were coming every year so they'd stay open til we got there and ate.
     
    #4720 john_b, Dec 24, 2011
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