The EPIC Turkey Day.. ZOMG & THE EPIC XMAS D.T BOOM ROASTED!

Not that any of you have been any help! I'm just wondering how to find a chick that I want to fuck with a strap-on. I have questions too: Is there a certain method to thrusting to avoid any discomfort? I can't feel a strap-on, so I want to make sure it's angled right.


haha, yeah. I just typed that. awesome.

 

It sounds like you want to do it and he definitely wants you do to it, so I think it is a no brainer.

Just don't stick your fake dick in crazy.

 

Don't ride her with spurs?

 

Tell her you'll divorce her if she doesn't. Tell her that you'll find another woman who will.
I once dated a woman who would only wear underwear when she was on the rag. Or maybe she lied and went commando whenever we had a date. I don't know, but I liked it. She had a really great smelling/tasting pussy with a golden brown bush. I really miss that woman.

EDIT: Also for ventilation. Many women I've known love it when air blows up their skirt (and by that, I mean blowing fresh air on the inner thighs/vagina/butt crack, not actually blowing the skirt up [ala Marilyn Monroe]). She'll be more comfortable! That was the reason miss-no-underwear gave.

Uh, because it would kick ass? Because it's not technically cheating (and even if it was, it was his idea.)? Because you seem to think it's a cool idea (you wouldn't even consider it and ask for advice if you didn't.).
If you do it, we want details.

Now here's an awesome music video for an even more awesome song (my favorite song off of "Contraband."):

 

Do strap-ons have something in them that makes them warm? If not, why would any woman like a cold rubber thing going in them? Just a thought...

Also, when someone is fucking with a strap-on, how do they decide when to stop? Some women are the kind that once they come, they are good, but others aren't; not to mention those women who don't typically come from penetration alone. Do they just look at each other after a while and say "ok I think that'll do"

On a related note, I've always found watching a woman fuck another woman with a strap-on to be kind of funny. They really don't know what to do with the appendage.

 

That might be forgivable in the heat of the moment.

 

That's what I want tips for!

 

<a class="postlink" href="http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/sex-toys/dildos/strap-on-dildos/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/sex-toys/dil ... on-dildos/</a>

That website seems to have an assortment of tips. Small, big, different shapes, colors.

You're welcome.

 

Merry Christmas you bunch of idiots!

 

Shit. What kind of strap on is most desirable??

 

Wouldn't that depend on the girl?

My advice is to take your date shopping.

 

Should we film it reality show style?

 

Sure.

And fyi I work for free, have a knack for lighting, and am quiet as a fucking church mouse.

And actually now that I think about it there was a reality show called The Real L Word (?) that did that exact thing.

Another video to consult for your research I guess.

 

Haha, yeah! Everyone interested in the job-post your resume/reasons why you should be entrusted with this task. haha

 

I have a ridiculously expensive camcorder that I never use...
It even has a tripod.

 

I will make my decision later, so I am sure I pick the best one...

 

Name the video Take One for The Team.

 

Growing up, my family had the worst of Christmas traditions.

My brother and I would wake up early, as kids do, rush into the den where there'd be a pile of presents under the tree ...and then go back to our rooms and find some way to pass the time. Then, our parents would eventually wake up, and the process would begin.

First thing that had to be done was fixing breakfast. Bacon, eggs, grits, all that. Not quite an Irish breakfast, but a bit more involved than cereal. Then, we would have to wash all the dishes from breakfast.

Breakfast completed, it was time to begin lunch. That is, typically, we'd have to get the turkey started so that it would be ready for Christmas dinner (dinner in this case being a lunch time meal). Then, clean any dishes we were done with.

Next comes the sorting of the presents. Everyone would have a spot around the den, and before anything was opened, we had to sort all the presents into piles for who they were for.

"Does anyone care where they sit?"
No response
"AHEM! Does anyone care where they sit?"
"Oh, just put me wherever."
"Are you going to come in after saying that and complain that you don't like your spot?"
No response.

Put everyone in the exact same spot they were in last year, and arrange the presents into neat little piles.

Then comes the making of the coffee. Brew brew brew. Add some cream, some sugar, and the adults head into the den.

"Oh, well I don't want to sit there."

FFFFFFffffff!!!!!!

...Switch two of the piles to make everyone happy, settle into new spot, and discover that uncle is wearing nothing under his robe. Guess that's why a seat change was requested.

Now, at long last, opening presents can ...seriously? You have to go to the bathroom? Fine, we can ...oh my god, he's taking the paper with him...

Pass the time comparing gifts with my brother, identifying which are identical in size and shape.

Finally, everyone is back and opening gifts can start. This is done one at a time, so that everyone is sure to see what everyone else got. The circle starts with the youngest, that would be me, and I open a gift, from the grandparents.

It's an amethyst, because apparently my grandparents think my brother and I play Rock-Paper-Scissors with serious style. And really, there's a good chance we'll also be getting paper and scissors. Brother picks out a box that looked like mine. Also amethyst. ...Stupid Bart, always picks rock.

Next up, grandma.

"Where's the knife?"

The what?

Yes, the knife. Anyone over the age of 15 in this family is foiled by wrapping paper, and has to resort to using a knife to cut the tape. We spend a few minutes looking for the knife, and then it's handed over, little bits of tape pop, a box is opened, and it's some ugly tchotchke. On to grandpa? Nope, he's busy looking at the little porcelain whatever. Then, he hands it over to aunt, she looks at it. Then mom, then dad, then uncle, and then it has to get passed back to grandma. Now, grandpa can open his gift.

"Where's the knife?"