The EPIC Turkey Day.. ZOMG & THE EPIC XMAS D.T BOOM ROASTED!

I must identify which of my family members was patient zero last night so that I can take them out at the knees next time I see them. This sore throat does not bode well for the rest of my holidays. Now accepting home remedies for the common cold.

 

Since when did venue become a prerequisite for you?

 

I have to jump into the guy-girl friend convo because no matter what women refuse to believe it. As it came up in the thread about someone fucking their step-sister, kids don't get the full "he/she is totally non sexual no matter what" unless they grew up together before a certain age.

Dcc, you do what a lot of women do. Think "I'm not attracted, so neither are they." On the flipside, men are wired to think women are more attracted to them than they actually are. They may not actively want to fuck you, but if you hit them up on a random day and said "Hey, I need to get laid, can we have no strings attached sex?" They'd ask 3 questions "are you sure? What's wrong? What's the catch?" And once after they were sure you were serious, they'd be all over you. They wouldn't be thinking "Oh no, I've known her for so long, we'll ruin the friendship." To single straight men anything + sex = better. If they already think you are cool and fun, they think sex with you is going to be cool and fun. End of story.

 

Not to sound like a typical male, but the only women I have zero desire to fuck are either gay or fucking hideous. Hell, there are girls that I don't find appealing whatsoever and I'd fuck them if the opportunity arose. There's several girls that are downright diseased and I'd love to fuck them, but won't. Make no mistake, if they cure herpes I'd hit that shit two times.



I'd love to think men and women could be friends, but the natural progression of intense chemistry is hot bangin' in my mom's minivan while Blind Melon plays. I do not see why this is such a bad thing to you gals. "My lover should be my best friend!... but not really my best friend I don't see him like that." This is how you sound. This has happened to me once because I didn't move in when I had the chance. Any feelings of that kind completely evaporated on her part. Which is hilarious because I was a son of a bitch at the time. Now I haul off and spank girls I just meet so there isn't any confusion.*


*Ok not really. Mostly.

 

Y'all need to go watch "When Harry Met Sally."

 

K. Hypothetical. What if fiance and his girlfriend were out of the picture?

What's so irritating about all these scenarios is that normal guy/girl hanging out is generally fucking FLIRTING. Exactly what you would do with someone you wanted to fuck save for a few eccentricities.

 

Yeah. It's reported that Sandra Bullock did the same upon biting into a smoked turkey sandwich at SaltLick BBQ in Austin, but she wasn't making a movie. I've had the food at SaltLick. I can only imagine what the brisket would have done to (for?) her.

 

I find most of these situations highly irritating. I can actually think of ONE friend, where I have zero interest in fucking her. My mind "went" there and it grossed me out. She's attractive, but I have no physical chemistry with her. There was never anything there in the first place, that's why I think our friendship works. I just wanted a friend. We never flirted or anything. She's my best friend, and she's happily taken, and her boyfriend is also one of my favorite people. This whole "Guys and Girls can't be friends" is 99% true; but I think there are some instances where it works. No everyone has a ridiculously high sex drive that would interfere with something that is JUST a friendship.

Save for that one example; the other girls I'm friends with, I'd probably stick 'em.

 

Apparently, this is more common than we think. I've heard of plenty a flamers hooking up with girls. They aren't even fag hags - these girls are quite attractive. I don't understand. Is it because of comfort on the girls part and curiosity on the gay guys part?

 

If you are a female and have male friends they want to stab your guts that is the whole truth.


On to Christmas follies.

My brother in law buys my nephews a bb gun for Christmas, he goes over safety stuff with the kids but in his engineer mind he wants to know worst case scenerio what would happen if one of the kids shot eachother. So he puts 2 pumps into the gun and shots himself in the arm, the bb penetrates the skin and buries itself about 2 inches into his arm. He decides that he will not tell his wife (my sister) who is a nurse and that he will just live with it. A few hours go by and his arm starts throbbing and turning red so my sister hauls him to the nearest urgent care, the doc digs around and decides it is to deep puts him on anitbiotics and tells him to go see a general surgeon.

Christmas is awesome.

 

Yeah, the girl I'm dating now told me how she "drunkenly" fucked a guy she swears up and down is gay. Apparently he was also good at eating pussy...so I'm thinking "How gay could this guy actually have been?" Then my other question "If he was gay, why did you fuck him?" And she just kept saying "I wanted to see if he'd do it because he's gay." Well when I break up with her, I have my next long con to pull off...

 

No, it's because gay guys are so much better looking and well-kept than us heterosexual ratfuckers. That's why they become gay in the first place. They examine themselves in the mirror one day and just say "Fuck this, I'm not wasting this shit on CHICKS" a few throw rugs, Madonna albums and decorative tissue boxes later and ol' Jed's a fabulous, jewel-encrusted millionaire! Gay guys engage because it's just probably a notch off their perverted sexual checklist, like how a straight guy would bang a blind chick, a foreigner or a farm animal.

 

You keep using the word "between." There is not a 'between' required. In that video that Blue Dog posted, the interviewer hit it right when he said, "So, it's a one-sided friendship?" Guys will absolutely suppress acting on sexual desire if they are married / in a committed relationship, or really good friends, or it's their cousin (but, then, it's marginal) if they would rather preserve the relationship than have sex. But, trust me, if they feel those barriers were removed, either for real or because of alcohol, they'll have sex with you.

 

We're probably going there later!

And I think most guys want to fuck their female friends. But then again, most females probably want to fuck their guy friends.

And when I say "want", I mean that it's not in the forefront of their minds, and they'd be happy without it, but there is a situation where it would probably happen.