The EPIC Turkey Day.. ZOMG & THE EPIC XMAS D.T BOOM ROASTED!

For some reason, I remember you posting extended hates on SF and DC in the past, Frebis. The latter seems to be my faulty memory, though.

Glasgow is a real shithole.
Hamilton should fall off the map.
Quebec City is full of arrogrant, backwater fuck faces.
Buffalo, Hartford, Lowell and Worcester needs to realize that they've lost the fight: the Industrial Revolution isn't coming back.
Newport, RI is just a display of disgustingly ostentatious spectacle.
If Northern Virginia (Arlington, Alexandria, etc.) can be classified as a city, I would be OK with it falling into the sea. Hilton Head, S.C. can crawl up its own over-privileged asshole.
Orlando is a shitty place, but it barely qualifies as a city. More of an amusement-park-placeholder.

I feel like all of those are really obvious, though. I don't have any really surprising hates.

Yeah, but most of those people are shitheads. Even compared to the poor regard I hold for people in general.

You know the city is built on a grid system, right? I think this says more about your driver than the city.

I'm not a big fan of Washington D.C. Although in retrospect, that post is amusingly hyperbolic. DC frustrates me because it isn't uniformly shitty. It has a lot of awesome in it, but that gets overwhelmed with the annoying aspects.

 

With the lettered streets running east to west, and the numbered streets running north to south, I can see how that would be confusing to some.

 

Hamilton, "The Pittsburgh of Canada" should have a gigantic toilet seat placed over top of it. I can't believe they refer to that dump as our "twin city rival". Yeah, a city with grey-yellow skies wallowing in litter and loogans with ZERO good bars. All it is is a gateway to the better cities around it (except Burlington).

The worst city I have been to in America is naturally Detroit, but then again anybody that has been to Detroit would not pick any other city, period. However, since it's become so unavoidable then my pick for the States would be Atlanta. Yeah, they made Coca-Cola. That. City. SUCKS.

 

I'm used to grids. Like, streets running parallel to each other. They didn't where we lived.

 

Here's some observations I've made while I've been ill these past couple of days.

1. Your shits smell bad. Poop in general smells terrible, but if it's your own, it's at least manageable. While sitting in the bathroom at work this morning, I was reduced to suppressing my gag reflex and finding religion.

2. Medication never works like you think it will. Everybody's seen the Nyquil commercial with Drew Brees waking up refreshed and symptom free. I took a double shot of Nyquil last night and spent my night in the fetal position slipping in and out of consciousness.

3. As a fatty, the reason I eat is because stuff tastes good and not for its nutritional content. Having my sinuses clogged has completely robbed me of my sense of taste. I found this out when I accidentally put salt instead of sugar in my tea and didn't immediately realize it until I started gagging. I can guarantee you that if I had clogged sinuses all year round, I'd eat way better.

 

I've been to DC a couple times and everyone but me has a tough time navigating. I thought it was laid out splendidly. Then again I was walking around as a tourist. I can't help it if I'm better and sexier than Garmin.

Jacksonville, Fl. Now there's a real shithole. It's the Detroit of FL, but with a real population. Rotten crime, crowded, nothing you can't find anywhere else without getting stabbed for your effort.

Miami (beach, metropolitan, south beach, et. al). Fuck this place. You'll get stink eyed by everyone. Want to bitch about layout? Try getting around that city. Dead ends, roads shift and turn one way, everything is under perpetual construction, roads thinner than Tracy Gold on a triscuit binge. I cannot stand people that make a concerted effort to be seen or make a scene. This is 99% of the population that isn't Cuban. Horribly obnoxious. Amped up on purpose. The other 1% are holdover old farts that forgot to die before a transexual Cubano with blue eyeshadow, exaggerated lisp, and hot pants bought their condo. But it's ok because there's a topless beach nearby where Eurotrash and the rich elderly gather to sunbathe in an orgy of sagging, burnt, baked chicken skin awash in an aroma of hot garbage and coconut oil.

 

A girl I used to work with was born without the ability to taste things (seriously). She had certain food preferences based on texture*, but she mostly ate super-healthy things WITHOUT SEASONING because she didn't give a shit about what it tasted like.

Don't get me wrong-- I think a kale & quinoa salad can be delicious. But without lemon juice, olive oil, pepper, etc.? Fuck no. Disgusting. She was super-slim and possibly had the healthiest diet of anyone I've ever met, but...the trade-off is huge. I really, really enjoy food. Taste is the most pleasurable part of eating, for me at least. Some days I wish I had her "problem," and other days I'm thankful I don't.


*Oddly enough, she really liked a certain brand of organic ice cream (can't remember which brand at the moment) simply because it contained a large amount of frozen fruits mixed in with the ice cream. She said the texture variation was "amazing."

 

Craiova, Romania is awful. I thought Bucharest was bad, but the bar district was great and the cabbies were hilarious. Craiova was Bucharest minus anything remotely entertaining. I wasn't really a fan of Amsterdam, but I think it had more to do with trying to cram everything into 24 hours than there being anything wrong with the city itself.

Conversely, Yangzhou and Dublin are amazing. Both are easy to navigate, drinks are comparatively cheap, and everything I loved was within walking distance.

 

I'm in dc right now. It's a really beautiful place but I think I'm biased because I'm a tourist and am staying at the Willard. Not sure I could live here though.

I live in Houston and I think it pretty much sucks. It's dirty and hot. They have an airborne strain of AIDS, I think. The people are largely uneducated and the city is so spread out. The littler towns like Sugarland and The Woodlands are pretty but are not indicative of the rest of the run-down crime ridden cesspool. We do have tons of good restaurants though. Which is why Texans are so fucking fat.

 

Actually, I'm pretty sure it was Jay in Lucifer.

But it was Kanye-produced, so that's something.

 

12 bottles of wine = 35.88.

I hope I never develop good taste.

 

Outside of your impeccable taste in female asses, I don't think you will be tilting at that particular windmill anytime soon.

 

35.88/12=2.99

Ok, you got wine for 3 bucks a bottle, so spill it. What kind of wine is this?

 

Having spent plenty of time in each, I'd probably put the DC Metro on par with the Boston T, London Tube, and NYC Subway. It's clean, quick, and (to me, at least) easily navigable. The downside is that it closes far too early at night, and that it has a few gaps (Georgetown, Adams Morgan).

I love that the NYC subway is open 24 hours a day, but it's also a pain in the ass in terms of transfers ("Sure, you can take the Subway to there! Get on the 6, transfer to the L, then transfer to the M..." or "You want to go crosstown? Good luck!") and can be a huge pain on the weekends when parts of it are often shut down. It's also run down as hell, but so old and complex that it has become essentially impossible to modernize.

Boston has the same faults as New York, more or less, but closes earlier.

London is clean and ultra-modern, but can be confusing and suffers from frequent maintenance closings. It also closes way too early.




As for nom's wine, I'm guessing Chuck Shaw from Trader Joes? Best value out there in wine. Sure, it's not great, but it's at least $6-$8 worth of good.

 

And circle gets the square! This is correct on all accounts.

Things I have good taste in: asses, messageboards, rap music, literature, clothes, porn

Things I have terrible taste in: wine, beer, rock music (John Mayer? Really?), hats (probably, I never wear them), desserts

 

After spending 6 days in DC/Bowie/Baltimore...fuck that place. Those people can't drive.

 

Since I will be staying awake for a while, and bewildered is most likely busy with wife duties, who's up for a G+ hangout? Drinking is optional but recommended for best results*.

If any of you feel like adding me on G+, Durbanite TiB is the profile I made especially for all you Idiots or you can find me on durbanite.tib@gmail.com .


*for everyone else

Oh, this video is for Dr. Rob:

 

Admit it. You bought it because it tastes like Kool Aid.

 

This, exactly. I love DC, the city. I love all of the free museums, and while it's still lagging behind NY in terms of options, there's still a good selection of events, things to do, places to eat, shopping etc. The people in it and how they skew the culture is awful. I keep thinking of having it open as a place to live if I ever want to leave NY, but then I remember how much I hate the people there. It's all politics all the time, and I just don't fit in. I somehow stood out more as a tourist there than in Latin America.

As for cities I hate, the main one off the top of my head is San Jose, Costa Rica. All of the travel tips said to spend as little time as possible there, but I thought those were all coming from the nature-lovers that tend to go to Costa Rica, and as a mostly city person I would be able to appreciate it. No. It was awful. There was absolutely nothing to do there and nothing interesting about it. It either felt like I was in the suburbs back home or in the dingiest, grossest, most hectic forgotten areas of Midtown. Ugh.

I'm going to argue with you about subway systems. The DC system doesn't take you anywhere you want to go, and it is mind-boggling how you have to make a transfer to get to places that I just felt should've been on the same line. I ended up walking everywhere anyway, which was fine for spending a week there at a time, but I would hate it if I lived there. It basically makes itself useless. Although the trains themselves are really nice.

The New York system can you bring you to a lot more places, especially on the same train. I don't know where you're going that you have to deal with more than one transfer so often. Although, the biggest flaws are how difficult it is to get crosstown, and that there should either be another North-South Brooklyn to Queens train, or to connect the G to more lines in Brooklyn (as in, just have it stop at Atlantic Avenue, I don't understand why it doesn't). It's so annoying when I want to go to Williamsburg, Bushwick, Greenpoint, or Astoria, that I have to go into Manhattan and then back out again, instead of just North. But I think being open 24/7 trumps all complaints.

The T fucking sucks. I think I would hate Boston a lot less after dealing with the stupid T for three years. It closes way too early, is totally unreliable, either stops way too frequently or way too infrequently depending on the line, has a lot of blackout neighborhoods, and the starburst pattern is so annoying. At least there are a few options to go crosstown in New York, if you want to go three neighborhoods over in Boston on any of the green lines, your trip is going to be 2-4 times longer than it should because you either have to walk or go all the way into the center of the city before going out again. Every time. At least there is the 66 bus. That is the one saving grace, but it only kind of helps. I always thought there should be one more line that goes around the whole map in a circle and never goes downtown. But no one ever listens to me.

Anyway.

There's a $10 all-you-can-drink event happening tonight, and I am very excited for it.