The EPIC Turkey Day.. ZOMG & THE EPIC XMAS D.T BOOM ROASTED!

My wife and I both have been sick since basically this time last Saturday. It fucking sucks. I haven't even felt like posting in this thread, it's been so bad.

 

There's this English bulldog at our get-together here that's absolutely scared shitless of me for some reason. reat me like Dr. Dolittle. It's weird, because dogs usually tWhenever it looks at me, it takes off barking. I must be giving off signals I'm unaware of or soemthing. The planet that dogs take their orders from has informed this thing that I am the most dangerous benig in the solr system.

That, good warm buzzy booze feeling in my tummy-tum is starting to go interstellar overdrive. I'm a-gonna be drunk soon.

In less interesting news, I broke my post record again for the xmas Drunk thread, more than 215. I have no life.

 

So I posted this in the "Help Me" thread and got nothing, so maybe this will get a better response:

 

Convinced the boyfriend to stay home. I'm going to be walking into church bowlegged tomorrow.

 

Doing something different this year for my celebration. Rather than hang out with all of my close friends (who are either married with kids or in a serious relationship with kids), I'm heading out to a party where I'll know almost no one other than the girl who invited me and maybe two other people. At the very least this should be interesting and I think it will be a great time. Time to start drinking my game face on.

 

I am staying in too. Making a fantastic dinner. Unfortunately I was also on call last night and was called and woken up about a million times (at least) so am exhausted and cranky. I had plans for a nap but I haven't been able to fall asleep. So I just took a benadryl and poured a glass of wine. Hopefully that will either knock me out or make me unaware that I am exhausted and cranky.

 

Made it home through the fog and dark in one piece which is more than I can say for my Dad. He crapped off the bike and took a heap of bark off his arm and leg.

The old fella is a whole lot tougher than I am though, wakes up and the first beer is out for the day. He can have that, I'm being good today.

 

My son got a fully automatic Nerf gun for Xmas. We already have four single shot and four 6 barrel revolvers.

Tonight it's been me vs. him. He has his auto with 4 clips and 60 darts, I have the other 8 guns.

And I am totally out fucking gunned. He peeks out behind a corner, and I can't even get a shot off against that goddamn thing. It's like when the British came into India with the first Gatling gun.

I'm getting fucking owned by a 7 year old.

 

Great. Since stomach flu is still contagious up to three days after the last showing of symptoms, guess who is staying home instead of going to Cinci and seeing his family tonight? Fuck.

 

The fiancee and I are staying in with the kid for New Years. Already started drinking whiskey and cokes. Additionally, the fiancee's dad was able to hook up some sort of antennae that looks like its from the 1950s on top of the television around Thanksgiving time, which allows us to get 4-7 basic cable channels. Normally it never gets used(although it was fun to watch my beloved Bulls beat the Lakers on ABC), but now it just occurred to me that we can actually watch the ball drop for the first time in years.

Happy New Years, idiots.

Edit: Am I the only one who thinks it's funny that my daughter calls my fiancee "bad ma" whenever she tries to put clothes on her?

 

The girls is just finishing getting ready for a new years party we were supposed to be at half an hour ago. Women confuse me.

 

Wouldn't it make more sense to either:

- not take fucking forever to get ready, or slightly more realistic:
- know that you're going to take fucking forever to get ready, and therefore plan ahead to start the getting ready thing early?

Or should I just shut up with the logic?

 

I always give them an early time to be there that way when they come fashionably late it's when they are actually supposed to be there. Nobody eats into my drinking time.

In other news tonight is looking like an utter fail. My lumberjack pal is the only one willing to go out; some aren't even getting back to me which is just fucking rude. Probably end up at another friend's place since the bars will be fucked. Halfway don't care since I'm hungover as fuck.

 

Logic is a lost cause when it comes to that topic.

My wife takes FOREVER to get ready. And you know what? The earlier she starts to get ready, the longer it takes. Give her an hour, she'll take an hour ten. Give her five hours, she'll take 5:10.

It's just something women do.

 

That sucks. I caught a stomach virus New Year's Eve 3 years ago. I left a house party at 10 pm because I felt the on-coming doom approaching. I spent NYE and New Year's Day with my head in the toilet for all the wrong reasons. At least 2012 has to get better from there, right?

Wrong, my dear $100T2. I had a boyfriend who took for-fucking-ever to get ready. He would run late for things that had definite "start" times like plays and concerts, and that drove me crazy because I'm not going to sneak in 20 minutes late. It got to where I just left without him. What a nancy.

 

What does a guy have to do to "get ready" that would result in being late? Re-attach the cock-n-balls he pulled out of storage?

Now if you'll excuse me, I have a party to be at in 30 minutes, and I have to get ready. I should have just enough time to wax my back hair before we leave.

 

I have friends that fret over what they're going to wear when they go out and a couple that need over an hour. When I used to hang out with Pakistani guys they were always the worst, and shopping with them? Fuck that.

Looks like I'm going to the bars tonight. This makes me bitter and I'm considering skipping the whole thing since I know it's going to be a cluster fuck out there. Besides it's not that much different than other nights out other than there being a fuck ton of people. I need to meet more people so I don't end up these situations. It's harder when you're out of school, but that shouldn't an excuse.

 

Sometimes I try to take a long time to get ready, like for events where getting ready is half the fun (New Year's Eve, for example), and it still takes me ten minutes, twenty minutes max. I wish I could explain it to you, guys, but I have no idea how ladies take so long to get ready.

 

He took his sweet-ass time shaving, and changed outfits 3 or 4 times. I was like, "Guy. The first one was fine. This isn't a fashion show."