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The EPIC Turkey Day.. ZOMG & THE EPIC XMAS D.T BOOM ROASTED!

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Frank, Nov 21, 2011.

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  1. bewildered

    bewildered
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    Deeply satisfied pooper

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    I'm about to shank a bitch.

    So, I got legally married in December. We did this for a number of reasons, but most of them were paperwork reasons so that when the real church wedding came along, I would be able to move to Hawaii without a hitch.

    Apparently someone nosey and gossipy (probably my cousin) read this on my facebook. It got through to my aunt, who is old, a nun, and....well, she's old, and she's a nun. She calls me up, irate, and berates me for doing this. She insinuates that I'm pregnant, she tells me that it looks bad to others, she basically tells me that I'm a heathen. All this shit. I manage to explain to her why I did it and why it wasn't a big deal, but still. I am so fucking pissed. It's none of her or anyone else's goddamn business! Just because she is my aunt, that does not give her the right to know every stinking detail about my life. Now I'm wondering who else is gossiping about me, and if I should call and preemptively tell people what's going on or carry on.

    Oh, and fuck that cat outside my window. It sounds like the devil is trying to get in here and my skin is crawling.
     
    #6801 bewildered, Jan 7, 2012
  2. bewildered

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    Jesus Christ I am still shaking and that happened an hour ago. I feel simultaneously angry and sick to my stomach. Guess who's taking shots instead of exercising? Fuck everyone, fuck everything, I'm going to go live in a cave with no electricity or telephones. Fuck!
     
    #6802 bewildered, Jan 7, 2012
  3. Flat_Rate

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    Somebody better have invited Fontz, I still think the Lions should hire Cocaine Wayne back.

    Now I have to suffer through Rex Ryan and his shitty Pepsi commercials all night? Fuck
     
    #6803 Flat_Rate, Jan 7, 2012
  4. TX.

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    The Mad Pooper

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    Wicked Game x1000. Sexiest song and vid of all time.
     
    #6804 TX., Jan 7, 2012
  5. bewildered

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    In other news, this drink has like 4 shots of pure alcohol in it and I can't taste a bit of it. Bottoms up!
     
    #6805 bewildered, Jan 7, 2012
  6. ghettoastronaut

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    I wonder if, when Chompsky was telling me that he didn't care for hummus, he was really trying to egg me on to make a batch myself just to get him to try it and declare my hummus the best ever.

    Because if so, I have a batch of fresh, hand-made, creamy, protein-rich paste for him to put in his mouth.
     
    #6806 ghettoastronaut, Jan 7, 2012
  7. Juice

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    I must say, this Lions-Saints game is pretty good so far.

    And Brady is the fucking man.
     
    #6807 Juice, Jan 7, 2012
  8. Kratos

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    You look at Matthew Stafford right now, and you think to yourself, "Jesus, that guy is an NFL quarterback"? Then you see this and lose all hope.

    [​IMG]
     
    #6808 Kratos, Jan 7, 2012
  9. StayFrosty

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    Hummus is a vegetarian dish. What you're offering is arguably not.

    Not that that would stop him.
     
    #6809 StayFrosty, Jan 7, 2012
  10. bewildered

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    Well that's all gone, maybe I'll make another.
     
    #6810 bewildered, Jan 7, 2012
  11. $100T2

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    Every time I watch this, it makes me smile.
     
    #6811 $100T2, Jan 7, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 27, 2015
  12. audreymonroe

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    The most powerful cervix... in the world...

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    I just watched my friend do the most stupid thing after a whole series of stupid things involving a guy. I made my opinion known both subtly and not-so-subtly, though, but it's her decision in the end. It just sucks. I hope it resolves itself in the least upsetting way.
     
    #6812 audreymonroe, Jan 7, 2012
  13. Juice

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    [​IMG]
     
    #6813 Juice, Jan 7, 2012
  14. FreeCorps

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    Everyone that ever bitches about the tuck rule game can quite frankly go get fucked with a refrigerator. Nobody ever mentions the fact that Woodson clubbed Brady upside the head with his forearm, which would've been roughing the passer and offsetting penalties at best, so the Pats would've still kept the ball.
    This guy won a Super Bowl with Troy Brown and David Patten as his primary receivers. He made Deion Branch look like he was worth a first round pick. Love him or hate him, he's got to be in the running for best QB of all time.
     
    #6814 FreeCorps, Jan 7, 2012
  15. Kampf Trinker

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    I realize this was posted awhile back, but as I was catching up on the drunk thread and surfing the web I came across this:

    Meet Cat Man.



    For any of you struggling to get laid, this will rub it in.

     

    Attached Files:

    #6815 Kampf Trinker, Jan 7, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 27, 2015
  16. Dcc001

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    New Bitch On Top

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    To be fair, I don't know if anyone really 'struggles to get laid.' You could be fucking right now, if you brought your standards down low enough. Just imagine what the women who 'date' this 'man' must look like, and I think everyone will be less inclined to compare themselves unfavourably.
     
    #6816 Dcc001, Jan 7, 2012
  17. bewildered

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    That's a male? I thought that was a woman with a hormone problem. Lordy.
     
    #6817 bewildered, Jan 7, 2012
  18. $100T2

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    I thought it was Tammy Faye Baker for a minute.
     
    #6818 $100T2, Jan 7, 2012
  19. bewildered

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    I'm makin' brownies!
     
    #6819 bewildered, Jan 7, 2012
  20. Kampf Trinker

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    Fair point, and along those lines there's truth to the reverse as well. I think a lot of guys don't get laid because their standards are so high. I work with a 300 pound Jehovah's witness who has told me, in elaborate detail, how he has never seen a 10 in his life because a woman like that has to surpass imagination and create love at first site. That's what he's willing to settle for. I think he wants to fuck the Virgin Mary herself.
     
    #6820 Kampf Trinker, Jan 7, 2012
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