The EPIC Turkey Day.. ZOMG & THE EPIC XMAS D.T BOOM ROASTED!

I don't mind flats OR pubic hair, so...that would be ok with me.

 

That particular post brought out the bitch in me.

If you have to describe yourself with the euphemisms "Curvy" "bootylicious" "Voluptuous" "fluffy" etc., No. Stop right there. You're overweight and chances are you're unhealthy. On top of that, you're making excuses so you'll feel better about buying a one piece bathing suit with a goddamn skirt around the hips instead of buying a bikini and rocking it on the fucking beach. Your belly should not fold over when you're standing up, and it certainly shouldn't be in your lap when you sit down.
Yes, bodies come in all shapes and sizes, but EVERY body can and should be healthy. Every body should be able to move and bend and jump and go. You don't have to be uber lean to be healthy, and yes, you can legitimately carry 5 or 10 extra pounds and not be too off base from where you should be, but be honest with yourself when you're staring at the mirror and looking at a body with doughy flesh around the midsection, dimples in your ass, and only the basic muscle underneath to move your skeleton.
Don't make euphemisms and expect me to embrace them.
Don't bitch about companies like Lululemon not making their clothes larger. Fucking lose the weight. They've got a product, if you want to use it, fit your ass into it. It's that simple.

Don't tell me you can't. I've seen too many people DO it. You're just too fucking lazy to get off your ass, look at your pantry, throw out the goddamn bread, pasta, and sweets, and make a real change in your life by getting your fat ass to the gym and moving some weight and getting some muscle on your frame.

Don't tell me you can't. If you don't know how, find some resources and fucking read. Mainstream media DOES NOT COUNT. Find a personal trainer who's got testimonials and credentials who can put a plan together for you that will get results. Not all trainers are the same, not all gyms are the same.
Don't tell me it's too expensive. Moving your ass is free, squatting, doing pushups, jumping up and down, they're free. Burpees don't cost you a goddamn thing...they just suck. Well, suck it up cupcake. The benefits outweigh anything else.

Have an injury? Get it treated, go through your rehab, and get back to work. You'd be surprised what can be fixed by actually USING the body. If it ain't cured by fish oil and squats, you're probably going to die anyway. Ok, not really, but the point stands. Moving your body actually makes it feel better.

Guess what you get, if you make the change you've been, up to now, too cowardly to attack?

A sense of pride. A sense of accomplishment. Your body will move better. You'll sleep better. You'll breath better. You'll want to eat better. Your outlook will change to something more positive...on every thing. Your brain and mind will be sharper. You'll WANT to go to the park with your kids and actually PLAY.

And, telling me "I run every day" and "I spend 30 minutes every day on the elliptical and the weight just won't come off" while noshing a diet coke and candy bar will make the vein in my temple throb. First of all, stop eating processed food. That simple. Second of all, find something heavy, pick it up and put it down, repeat several times. PUT SOME MUSCLE ON YOUR FRAME. Women who avoid weights because of fear of being too bulky are generally already bulky.


Gah.

 

A thick, throbbing one. Insistently dripping with pre-cum at the expert manipulation of my dancing tongue.

Is that what you meant?

 

At that point, who really cares?

If you're willing to overlook the first 2, I can't imagine penis to be a dealbreaker.

 

Red dot me all you want, but the youtube video of the girl in the bikini talking about how she loved all her body, even her stretch marks, which were grotesque on her prodigious gut made me want to scream. Clouding a perfectly reasonable and admirable outlook (loving yourself even if you don't look like a VS model) with a clearly unhealthy body type is infuriating.

 

hi guys

 

Probably NOT the most professional thing to post on my blog, but whatever.

 

Are your readers really gonna be offended?

 

Some, but the ones who know me won't.

 

Well, at least you can't question whether you're passionate or not about what you do.

 

That picture was taken just moments before kitty went absolutely apeshit and ripped puppies face to shreds.

On another note, yay off to work see you idiots in 12 hours.

 

I thought that was another cat.

What is the point of a dog the same size as a cat?

 

Do you guys get the flu shot?

 

I am not a sickly old woman.

 

Yes I did. But I felt sick for a couple days after. And then I got autism.

 

Yes, this can be an issue with some women: I have a female friend who is 35*, and she has said that she won't date a man over 40 because "Their balls are too wrinkly."

I pointed out to her that all mens' ball are wrinkly to accomodate movement of the testicles, but she wouldn't hear it.

No woman has ever complained about MY balls.

*She's smokin' hot, about 5'4" and 130 pounds. And she thinks she's fat.