The Female Perspective

Hmm...I'm guessing this is another situation like with Pinkcup, where the phrasing of the questions/answers gets interpreted in different ways.

When I started dating my husband a few years ago, I checked out every inch of his myspace page because I was curious about him - likes, dislikes, sense of humor, etc. I do that with most people when I first become acquainted with them. After awhile though, I know them well enough so I have no reason to visit their page.

In other words, when I read the question in that link, my answer was "entire profile" but that was because I was thinking in terms of when you first get to know someone. The thought of regularly checking someone's profile never even came into my head.

 

I agree with Dcc. How did people ever form opinions about others before the days of google? All of this technology really does change how people interact and gives us a bunch of one dimensional knowledge about others. I will use myself as an example. While I am basically true to myself on the internet, do I think my online persona (whether it be on facebook, message boards, IM, etc) is a true reflection of who I really am? I don't think so. As open as I will ever be on the internet, there is still much more to me that will only be shown from getting to know me IN PERSON. Besides, how many aspects of yourself are really going to make it onto a google search (granted, I am not really considering the predator lists as a true concern. I haven't dated in a while, is it really that bad out there?).

On the flipside, when I am bored, do I enjoy sifting through somebody's photos on their facebook account? Of course, isn't that what they are there for?

 

I think this whole Internet-stalking thing has been taken out of context. Using the word "stalking" probably doesn't help, though.

As I understand it, "Facebook stalking" isn't maniacally clicking refresh on his profile and re-reading every piece of information about his musical likes and dislikes every time. It refers to the fact that if you thoroughly read anyones profile--even just once--it feels like you've just trespassed into their life a little bit. This feeling intensifies if you don't have a lot of face to face interaction yet with the person you're Facebooking. It's simple...Facebook is an easily-accessible database of information about people. Pre-Facebook, the only way I'd find out that someone likes The Cure and watches Hoarders would be through A) Face time with that person B) Watching them through binoculars as I sit outside in their tree. But with Facebook, I can get all of that information with one click. That just seems creepy--and some people (alright, I mean ME) feel odd when they know something about someone without having put in the proper amount of face time to find that out. That must be how stalkers feel....right?

And Googling someone doesn't ever give you any kind of adequate information about their likes, hobbies, passions, etc. It's not meant to. Google is only used as a means for detecting a red flag before investing any significant amount of time. All of the good stuff--where he likes to eat, how he feels about the Obama administration, what kind of underwear he prefers--takes time and conversation.

 

See, I don't think that looking through somebody's facebook profile is stalking. Like you said, maybe it is the term "stalking" that is confusing. In my opinion, THEY put it out there, it is the image that THEY want to portray. Sort of like a companies website with carefully chosen slogans and PR pieces. To me, real stalking (like watching their windows through the binoculars) is when you are more likely to uncover things about somebody that they consider private or don't want you to see. I will say that I have seen people use other people's logins so that they have access to a profile that they don't personally have access to. That is probably considered crossing the line into more stalkerish type behavior.

I don't know, maybe I am contradicting myself from my earlier post, but I think the problem lies when you are making snap judgements on that person based on the fact that they DO watch Hoarders and enjoy The Cure. Or when you think that you know somebody and decide that they are dateable or not dateable because of what they put out there for you to read. It can't take the place of real interaction. On that it sounds like we are agreeing.

 

This is the sort of thing that fascinates me about people. The different perspectives about just these sorts of things. I totally understand about not wanting to be judged, and that's why I pick and choose what I reveal to the world. On the other hand, if a date wanted to read my profile, I would have no problem. If he makes some sort of snap judgment about something I like to read or watch or listen to, then piss off - I was married to a snob once and I'm done with that misery. I'm too old to put up with Seinfeldian nitpicking.

 

I think the term "stalking" or "creeping" when applied to Facebook is a lot less benign than a lot of dudes on here are thinking. It's there, so they look at it. And don't pretend like you haven't done it before either.

As for the whole looks thing, in my experience, it's been more of an...opener? I guess? It's more something that brings the guy to the girl's attention, not so much something that keeps her around. I mean, I'm a pretty average looking guy (I AM TOTALLY SEXY) and I've dated girls "out of my league," so to speak, so clearly it's not all about the looks.

 

Stalking on Facebook is not reading someone's profile and interests. Anybody can do that, and they're welcome to it. But when you're going through the profile of every "friend" they have for information and setting up dummy accounts to find every gory detail about what makes them tick, then not only are you pissing in somebody else's pool, but you're also incredibly stupid and need help.

...and that's what "Facebook Stalkers" actually do, and worse off they get their friends to help them. Facebook is the single biggest privacy crusher of our generation, and it is pure evil. It has been the hub of cold-blooded murders, destroying families and mercilessly embarassing people who didn't deserve it. Whether you may think someone is hiding something or not, maybe you ought to consider the nagging possibilty that some things are none of your goddamn business and you should be trying to fill in your own life-void instead of needlessly prying into others.

 

Um, who here said that they do that? I don't think I read anything remotely close to that. But then again, considering your extreme Facebook hatred, I'm guessing you're just spewing generalized rage towards the subject in its entirety.

Look, there are creepy people of both genders who do stupid shit in order to satiate their need for information. Whatever, fuck them. We aren't talking about those outliers. We're discussing why men read the aforementioned survey and crapped their pants over the fact that girls use your internet presence as a dating tool. I find the "Quelle horreur! Mon Dieu!" response to be a little hypocritical, though. Let's not pretend that men and their buddies don't check out the pictures of their female Facebook friends just to oogle the hotties in the pictures. Hell, I even got a rep from...someone....who swears that a lot of dudes jack off to Facebook pictures. That's waaaaay weirder than me clicking on our "Mutual Friends List" and wondering if you know that me and Amy hooked up once upon a time.

 

Nobody on here said that. I did, because I've seen it. I've seen people set up fake accounts using real people in order to get information. This one idiot girl I knew set a fake acount in the name of a real woman (who wasn't on Facebook) she suspected her boyfriend was fucking. When she was proved wrong, her only smarmy fucking excuse was "I had to do it. I had to find out for sure, and anybody would have done the same thing."

...that kind of mistrust boggles the mind. You either trust somebody and you get on with your lives and most importantly be happy, or you don't and shouldn't be with them. It's not Facebook that I hate, it's the idiots that it has brought out of the woodwork (kind of like the "Guns don't kill people..." line).

My point is, technology should have NOTHING to do with effecting your feelings towards somebody.

Back on subject (finally), another thing people shouldn't be affected by are stupid polls from stupid magazines like this. We're humans, we're a complicated beast, and we are all different. Sure, the poll says that most girls like stubble on a man, but what if your date was once raped by Don Johnson? She'll be terrified of you with your five o'clock shadow, crisp white suit with the sleeves rolled up and deck shoes, and then who's the asshole? You are, Sonny boy.

 

Here's a pro tip: If a girlfriend wants to know every girl you have ever slept with from the time you lost your v-card in high school to the time the both of you started dating, make sure you stop with her. And you should probably leave out that little stint you did in Thailand...

Here's a poll I would like to see: What percentage of women lie about their sexual history?

 

In that scenario I kind of feel like Don Johnson is the asshole. But I doubt that dumbass slut will understand that. In which case you'll have to rape her. Then she'll realllllyyy be scared of stubble...

 

I think if you want to instill stubble phobia you have to rape her specifically with something covered in stubble. Speaking of which, where is Ballsack?

 

<a class="postlink" href="http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn3936" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn3936</a>

Hueske posted this 5 years ago. It is illuminating.

 

I'm in the very small minority (re: I'm the only girl I know) who hates looking at Facebook profiles. I can't even look at the pictures because it is off-putting and weird to me.

With that said, I think Facebook stalking does not have to go to the extremes Pinkcup is suggesting. I had a friend who would routinely check the Facebook of guys she thought were cute, despite only sort of knowing them. This means every day she was updated in what was going on in his life, every day she had seen his new pictures and knew where he'd been over the weekend, etc. That sounds like stalking to me. I can't imagine what sorts of conversations she would have with these guys when she finally talked to them in person. "Oh, how was your family trip to Aruba? Your mom sure made a funny face in that one picture at the restaurant!"

Just...too weird to me. I don't even know if I like being that informed about acquaintances face-to-face.

As far as the number of women lying about sexual partners, I've always been curious about this. Men always say they prefer you to be honest, but then if you like a girl enough to marry her, would you prefer she lied to you to set your mind at ease? Or do you really want to know you're the 37th dick she's sucked?

 

Nope, feel free to lie to me. If I hear that she sucked 37 dicks, all I can picture is her on her knees with a line of guys in front of her stretched out around the block. I'm well aware of how irrational this is of me, but, well, thats just how it is. I'd prefer to think you learned how to suck cock THAT WELL from a video or book or something...not practice.

 

Maybe it's just because I'm a guy, but I pretty much expect this from any guy and I thought it was common knowledge for girls to know this. Men, supposedly, don't even have to like the girl to get aroused. I'm pretty sure this isn't the same with females.

As for the rest of the survey, most of it is about as good as the "wait three days to call" "rule". It's stupid to follow it like protocol, but it's actually possible that she thinks lower of you because you don't follow prescribed trends.

 

I never even thought about this before this topic came up, it just seems downright weird and a bit creepy. Should I just assume that the guys doing this never get laid or see actual women? Or do they have even bigger cameras sluts than I do as Facebook friends?

 

PinkCup, I agree with most of the points that you've made. I understand why a woman would want to look up a guy on the Net if she's afraid of being sexually assaulted, or in your case, to avoid getting hurt in the future. I don't take that stuff personally - I'm also a bit emotionally guarded when I initially meet a woman, although I quickly loosen up after a little while.

While I get that you would find it weird (to say the least) that a guy would jerk off to a girl's facebook pictures, I think you need to put this in context. As a guy, I've masturbated tons of times to girls that I've randomly checked out on the bus on the way to school or just walking around. Women truly don't realize how much they can turn a guy on while obliviously going about their day. With Facebook, well, it's public, and sometimes girls put some really scandalous photos on the net. Sometimes the intent is to get attention. Which is cool, nothing wrong with that either.

What I'm trying to say is - if I'm turned on enough by a random girl I've seen while going about my day who doesn't even know that I exist to have vivid sexual fantasies about her, of course I'm going to do the same thing if I see some hot pictures of a girl that I DO know.

 

I'll do ya one better. Sometimes when I'm on the bus or something, I'll sit in the back and put my bookbag in my lap and jerk off blatanly staring at a hot girl a few rows up. I try to be discreet though.

And sometimes, if I can, I'll snag a few hairs from said girl and run home and add it to my collection of hairs, that I'm weaving into a glove. When it's done it'll be glorious, I'll be able to jerk off with a hair glove of hundreds of hot random girls I've seen around town.

Now don't try to tell me that's weird.