I'm in desperate need of this weekend. Didn't have a really good night's sleep last week. Plus the one day that I managed to be in bed early, my neighbours smoke detector went off. At 12 pm. And it kept going. Why the fuck do I have to ring you out of bed in the middle of the fucking night for a noise that's so loud I can literally hear it in any room of my appartment. Fuckers. Well, yesterday I had to help colleagues insert a urinary catheter in a morbidly obese woman. The smell emanating from this ladys crotch made me asexual for at least a month. So, you could always try that. Or not. Don't. Never saw one person make four other people dry heave before.
Last night after a skate me and some friends went out to a local dive and this huge, very unattractive and wasted woman was mercilessly hitting on my friend and informed us that we had a major sausage party going on. I've never seen a woman so obviously hunting for cock before in my life. I'm sure she'd love to show you her tits.
A coworker showed me her tits. Because apparently some "friends" kept grabbing them the night before and they were all bruised up. For a woman who gets so much attention for her bounciness and boobiness, she shouldn't give away her secrets so easily. I now know that her bra is suuuuuper padded. If you ask her nicely, she'd probably let you go for a quick peek.
Uh, the first part of your post sounds a lot like sexual assault. I'm assuming you told her how to register here at TiB.
It does, but she is an idiot and probably encouraged it. It was apparently happening all night. I just thought of 3 reasons I wouldn't want her posting on the same webspace as me, and then I realized....they are all things that would both entertain and annoy you idiots for at least a week before she got banned. Hmm....
Not owned, but work with a ton of devices at work. I've always hated the Edge phones, the curve feels like a gimmick and makes things at the edge of the screen look weird. Plus the fat part of your thumb always presses things you don't mean to be pressing.
I'm glad I'm old and wise enough to blow off a Saturday night text from a female co-worker. "Hey! What R U doing?" has never led to anything good.
Things I've done in the last 48 hours: 1.) Rescued an orphan raccoon. 2.) Fed a baby raccoon out of a baby bottle. 3.) Helped a baby raccoon to pee. It's less glamorous than it sounds. 4.) Snuck alcohol into a family function with my in-laws like a teenager,even though I'm 29 years old, because they don't drink. 5.) I used my (overpriced?!) Yeti Rambler to sneak in aforementioned Whisky Lemonade. I think that's it. Taking care of a baby raccoon is exhausting. I don't recommend it. And yes, it will be released as soon as it's old enough to survive without the milk replacer. We won't be keeping it as a pet.
That story would've been better if you had rescued a Yeti and snuck a racoon into a family function. Just sayin
In my humble opinion, the outro solo in Aerosmith's 'No More, No More' may be the closest thing to my vision of perfection ever. It starts at 2:52. I never got Joe Perry until I heard this, and I realized just how wrong I had been.
Early Aerosmith stuff is awesome. Hell, listen to Perry's licks during the verses of Walk this Way. That walking line is awesome, the opening riff gets all the credit, but his work during the verses are incredible. I learned tonight that after 30+ years of playing Van Halen's "Ain't Talking 'Bout Love", that I've been playing it wrong. I swapped a couple of notes, but no one ever noticed. It just annoys me that I was playing it wrong. Do you have any idea how much work it's going to take to relearn the song and override muscle memory of playing the song? Arrrgggghhh.
One of the few Van Halen songs I actually play correctly. As to 'Walk This Way' - it is incredible. Aerosmith had three great albums in a row - 'Get Your Wings,' 'Toys in the Attic,' and 'Rocks' - which is the best one in my opinion. If you can play those albums, in their entirety, you're a hell of a guitar player.
Who doesn't wish they could throw an insult like this on the fly? Sometimes at work I think this stuff, but I plaster a smile and say something PC instead. Grrrr
I'm just sitting here scratching my head wondering why the fuck an actor from Mr. Ed is considered famous enough for the dead pool. Or are we just seeing whatever the fuck is trending on Facebook and if it contains a TV show or band name, we throw that shit in? Jesus. Hello and welcome to my period.