In the continuing series 'How To by VI,' today's installment is: "How to not be able to go to a coffee shop ever again." A guy comes in while I"m getting coffee, and he has roses. I turn to him and say the following: "Oh man, it's guys like you who make the rest of us look bad." He smiles and says "But you're married, you're lucky." VI: "If by 'lucky' you mean living with a boss 24/7 and exploring the bounds of celibacy, then yes, I'm lucky." Every guy in the place couldn't have been more focused on their paper, their coffee, or that area on the wall where the paint doesn't quite match. The ladies looked pissed. I left, and now need to find a new coffee shop. This message was brought to you by 'How Retards Get Through Life.'
Apparently the latest Instagram/twitter trend is spoiled teens taking selfies with unsuspecting homeless people and then bragging about it like its cool . And to think they have the nerve to get butthurt about being called the "Me Generation". What's next, cancer ward selfies? They're also doing funerals too if you can digest that.
This is why The Knockout Game was invented. Tell me you don't fantasize about a running falcon punch during a public selfie. These kids are absolute failures at life. I can't wait to see the jobs surplus in 10 years because 90% of these fucks are completely unfit for hire. The folks having trouble now will finally get to pick and choose not only the job but their fee. "Well, it's me or this faggot with the helicopter mom taking pictures of himself in the bathroom for Instagram." "Hired." Oh, and here's a VD feel good story. Remember I linked tot hat article about the guy fucking his pug? Here's another kid that fucked his Staffordshire bull terrier. Isn't that a pit bull variety? Fortune favors the bold, my friend.
That line up is horseshit. There's no way Mariah Carey can cover enough ground to play left field. She's your stereotypical power hitting first baseman if I've ever seen one.
You're not giving her enough credit. She does the elliptical in heels, put some real shoes on her, who knows what she can do.
He's spent his entire career in the AL, she's clearly a DH. No way she can be bothered to stretch out for errant throws to first.
There is a very attractive girl I'm friends with on Facebook who isn't too bright. Not like "talkin lyke diss" or endless duckfaces, but just not the sharpest knife in the drawer. Now she posts alot of motivational/inspirational quotes about taking control of your life, working out, etc.. and normally its pretty good and I don't entirely hate it. But today, in a V-Day selection, she dropped the following... "There are too many haters who say negative things and have such a 'whoa is me' attitude about Valentine's Day" and all I could think of is...
I got aggravated with el husband a few days ago so he gave me a box of (exceedingly delicious) chocolates. They are long gone. I bought one of these Spoiler A coworker of mine has one and we were playing with it at work the other day. Best $15 ever. His hands always get sore but we can watch TV and I can get a back rub with little to no effort. I don't really do Valentine's day, but it is nice that he thinks about it ahead of time and tries to make it special. I had a boyfriend in highschool who was sort of rotten on Valentine's day and el husband makes sure that there isn't a repeat of that. Also he got a beejay, but that is unrelated to V Day. VeeDay. BeeDay. BEEJAY.
I'm by no means a germaphobe, but is it really that hard to wipe off a machine after you sweat all over it? I really don't want to be sitting in your ass sweat without getting something in return. Edit: Seriously how hard is it to find a damn car wash in this town? And why am I the only with salt shit all over her car anyway? My head's going to explode.
People who (don't) do that should have a 45 plate dropped on their face. So gross. Even if you aren't sweating its still a simple courtesy.
I have a heart on But you got the Valentine's Day special pricing, though, right? Or, wait. Is that a euphemism?
Know what gets my germaphobe anxiety going? The little baskets at the grocery store. You have no idea whos touched them before, you don't know if the person who had it was coughing and sneezing in their hands then grabbing the handle. So gross.
I think the carts may be worse, in addition to adults you have the unruly tots sneezing and drooling all over the push handle. Purell that shit or your flesh might end up looking like downtown Baghdad.
If its cold enough I wear gloves in the store, if its not, I grab the hand sanitizer as soon as I get back to my truck. I swear those things spread more viruses/bacteria than door handles/bathrooms. Btw, day cares are the laboratories for all the worst colds imaginable. My mom worked at a day care for a while when I was in high school and we were constantly getting sick because she brought back all that stuff. Day cares are really disgusting. You have all the kids grabbing everything after they sneezed/used the bathroom. Coughing and sneezing without a tissue. Its like where viruses go to get stronger/better.
I always use a paper towel to open the doors in public bathrooms. If the door doesn't have a trash can near it, the paper towel usually remains on the handle, sometimes the floor.
I'm about as non-germophobic as you can get. I wash my hands with soap after I shit and I carry hand sanitizer with me for after I ride the bus during cold/flu season (that I usually forget to use), and that's about it. I can see what you're saying about how god-knows-how-many people have used that shopping basket, but the fact remains that I get sick maybe once or twice a year living like I do. I don't understand why I should be scared of/grossed out by microscopic things I can't see that don't seem to affect me at all. On a semi-related note: Why in the fuck haven't sinks/soap/paper towel just been replaced with hand sanitizer in all public bathrooms? Is there any logical answer to that? The air hand dryer things make the entire hand washing process pointless, and opening the door with damp hands probably does too. Dispense sanitizer into one hand, open door with the other, use sanitizer. How is that not way better?