Meh. If I punch it in the nose it'll go away. No wait, that's a shark. Maybe I should throw a shark at it? I'll bet no one's tried that before. It might just work. El tiburón comieron un tornado. Y entonces explotó. El tiburón, no el tornado. (The shark ate a tornado. And then it exploded. The shark, not the tornado.)
I know how you feel, I'm new to Nashville and not particularly excited about the tornado watches. FL just had hurricanes, they don't make movies about hurricanes killing people and throwing cows.
Could I have the best job ever? It's very possible, considering i am sitting on the couch enjoying Ruby Red Absolut courtesy of my boss' liquor cabinet and watching Illinois and Northwestern while getting paid. Fuck yes.
Well thank God I'm not in Tupelo. Plan B is my stock pond. Fuck. No sharks there. Fine. I'll throw bass and catfish at the storm while I scream like hell and blow off .12 gauge rounds at it. That usually scares off everything else. It would certainly scare me.
If I have learned anything from movies, it is that a sawed off shot gun, an old pick up truck, an unidentifiable bottle of booze, a dimwitted but kindhearted sidekick, and a trusty labrador retriever will get you through anything that comes your way. You'll be just fine. (but retreat to your basement ...or as you guys call them....your cellar...when the crazy winds start aswirling)
Sam Adam's light is not great by any means, but I wouldn't turn it down. Shiner Bock Light is the worst tasting beer I've ever tried (to include Natty). For my money, it's Coors Light. But that's an obvious choice. Heineken Light is actually really good. It tastes like Heineken, minus the skunk. You have to try it at least once. Damn that shit is tasty.
Last night was a friend's birthday so we started off with Jaeger shots. He was already drunk to while watching the final Conan we made a toast "to Conan and Joseph(the bday boy)", Joseph replies "to Joe Canon!", awesome. Went out to a bar and drank more then passed out at the girlfriend's. Tonight I'm just staying in and drinking with the roommate and a friend while making fun of whatever's on tv.
I was going to head over to a friend's place tonight but they ended up not getting a keg so I opted to stay in and work. I've got half a dozen 10/22 stocks in various stages of customization/completing, so there's always work to do. I just dusted off and am kicking back with some gin and juice... Not a bad night at all. Tomorrow, however, will be great. My sisters always keep their place stocked with quality beer and have tons of good food, and the game should be excellent. I requested that they stop by Trader Joe's and pick up some of the Stockyard Oatmeal Stout from Goose Island... last time I had it was on Independence Day and I loved it.
Just got home from work (pouring booze for others) and am now returning the favor to myself by making a tequila siphon into my self-made tracheotomy via pen hole. Highlights from the bar: - Beating some Navy fucks at arm wrestling - Kicking some dudes out for telling our fellow pregnant bartender that she'd be a horrible mother (Oh it's true. But it was the principle of the thing.) - Got to give my professional opinion on what patron's tit job felt more real - Witnessed a 'nastiest shot' competition. The winners? Apparently a 'gorilla fart' and a mix of jager, turkey and 151… because those are who threw up… Toytoy, stay away from the swirling vortex of doom.
My roommate's uncle has a vip box suite thing at the local mma fights tonight. Roommate and his younger brother went with. Roommate's brother had been drinking since noon. They went there at 6:30. At 8:30 I got a call from the roommate wondering if I could come pick up his brother. He was out of control drunk and yelling at little kids who were cheering for the wrong guy. The rest of my evening was spent baby sitting and not getting drunk like I planned to do. Everyone is either in bed or at the bar now. Time to pound the 7 beer I have left from last night so I can get tired enough to sleep tonight. On a similar note, I got hammered last night by myself. When people were here tonight, I didn't drink much. But now that they're all gone, I feel like drinking. I'm beginning to think that the gal who left me the message that is now my signature was on to something...
Who was it? Come on, fess up. And don't feel bad, if yo' personality was a mouth I'd totally jam my dick in it.
I just saw the greatest commercial ever. They turned this: into an actual company sponsored commercial with the "Your gonna love my nuts, love my nuts, love my nuts" intact. I would never change the channel with this commercial on.
I got drunk. Played some pool. Kicked some ass. Played some more pool. Got more drunk. Am fucked up now. Good times.
I've made out with an endless procession of beer cans, sitting at home watchin Alway's Sunny. So you're doing better than me. Make out though, what are you, in high school. Who cares about that shit, seal the deal yo!