I am in no way answering for any other guy. I'm a fucking weirdo. Girlfriends are not therapists. Some things eat a person up. That burden might not be something you want to take on your shoulders. When you learn your guy is hung up on something truly troubling it can queer your perception of him. Nobody wants to be looked at differently, or as someone that needs coddling, or even to be given a wide berth because he opened up. I flat out don't believe my feelings will be accepted by a woman. Comes down to trust, if a gal has proved her worth I guess. I do not trust a person to not judge me, so I keep my mouth shut. When I do peel back the onion layers, it's only in broad strokes said absolutely flippantly like it means nothing. That's the best way to diffuse it and get someone off my back so I can continue brooding for a day or two. Then I'll get a nod and an "oooohhh" kind of thing. They still don't quite get it, but it satisfies their questions just enough to make them feel important.
Question for women Ladies, what is it about seeing another lady in the same outfit that drives you guys up the wall? I've seen circles of friends swap outfits, saying how cute they look in them but God forbid someone has the same blouse as another at the bar (friend or stranger). Answer to this question:Why are guys so guarded with feelings? Same disclaimer as CharlesJohnson. As for me, the theme revolves around finding answers to my issues, like a vision quest. No one smokes peyote so that he can be told by the Great Spirit Fox that his boss was a bitch and that everything will be okay. The GSF gives answers, like, walk a thousand yards and pick the off-color flower from the 4 limbed-cactus. As far as why girls have a hard time getting me to open up, it goes back to the Girls Vs. Guys: Talk debate. Girls have a tendency to vent. This is fine, but like McBain's Goggles, venting does nothing for me. If I'm coming to someone to discuss an issue, I need a solution. "Solution" can range from being told to grow a pair or applying a torque wrench to something. "Solution" does not encompass talking about feelings and leaving them on the table. That just feels like wasted time. However, I'm usually pretty decent at listening to my girl vent since that is her desired solution to a problem. Twisted huh? In sum, it comes down to me needing some kind of direction. Note: Being Asian, my default facial features look "angry" to white people anyway. I've zoned out for a bit after a long day and be asked if everything is okay. Anyone else have this problem?
Yet again, same disclaimer. Like people have said, guys need a solution to problems when they talk about them. If a guy is complaining about something that can't be solved, the first thing that comes to mind is "Well, that's the way it is. Bitching about it isn't going to do anything. Deal with it." The same things ends up happening with feelings. Everyone's had days where everything was just shitty... and yet there's nothing actually wrong. Girls are able to vent and say "I'm ANGRY and I don't know why" and feel better. Guys will say that and go "Well I can't solve that problem because there's nothing actually wrong. But I still feel like punching a wall." This leads to feelings of helplessness, which is even worse. So we just don't talk about it.
I think it is funny. A friend had a pool party at her club a week or two ago, and I showed up in the same suit as another gal. Instead of just giving her the stink eye, we immediately gravitated together and had a quick laugh. Then we just went about our day. Unless she looks better than me in it, then she is a total bitch of course.
"Diva" is a red flag word. Any woman that uses the term with respect to herself should be given a wide berth.
This used to be me, id only ever had contact with fakes once and they were badly done (rippling around the edges and hard as a rock) so id been a real tits man since then. However my girlfriend decided to get hers done about a year ago, it was something she had always wanted to do and it was her money to spend so i didn't really have that much of a say. My input was to keep the perfect A's she had, but in the end she went for it and got a real nice pair of D's (under the muscle, inserted through the armpit). She loves them... and I'm a converted man. Well done fake titties all the way for me now. I think the under the muscle insertion is key to this though. They feel nothing like the horrible set id felt before and feel like real boob for the most part (a bit firmer than real ones obviously and if i really concentrate i can find the spot where the implant starts but my mind is generally on other things when im that close to her naked tits).
For me, it's because I don't have many things I can control. If I tell you what I feel then I have absolutely no secrets. This is especially true if I rely on you in any way. Since that's 98% of people in my life, it results in being really guarded. Another reason for it is because I truly believe that I'm fucked up in some fundamental way and can hardly identify with most of my family, I just don't think they'd like the real me. I think there's only one person in the world that I completely open up to, and even with him I'm very selective about where and how.
the typical guy is raised from school onwards to not display emotion unless it's in the suitable manlyness range. You can be sad if your dog or your wife died, but you're supposed to be brave and strong not show emotion through your parents/grandparents dying. You're allowed to be angry but Depression is stigmatized, and anger towards a woman isn't cool. You're allowed to be happy, but only if something dirty or sports related happened - being delighted because a kitten is adorable isn't cool - but a football team winning you can laugh untill your balls hurt. Etc. We're geared to guard our emotions and our feelings untill we've evaluated if they're suitably masculine. And god help the kid who learns that lesson a little slowly. Prostitution is legal here. But sex workers have to get a pretty comprehensive quarterly STI panel to be able to work. Almost everyone I'm invovled with gets the same battery of testing. We all have pretty huge issues with kids - so we're all contraception focused. And the motivation to be safe in terms of condoms is huge - it's bad enough to imagine telling one partner that she might have to get checked for Chlamydia. Imagine telling half a dozen of your best friends, a dozen girls and having every one of your friends know? It's too fucking mortifying to dwell on. There are also some plumbing elements of risk management. You can contract a lot of things a lot of ways - but if you're religious about visual inspections for infection characteristics, avoiding risk elevation activities (brushing your teeth within half an hour of oral sex, oral sex with mouth ulcers, etc) and if you're the person who fucks other people, rather than the person who gets fucked? you lower that risk a fair bit. Bottoms (catchers) and IV drug users who share needles or get too fucked up to follow good hygeine practices push their risk through the roof.
I think "angry and horny" is more commonly displayed in youth (teens and early adulthood) due to hormonal factors (testosterone plays a significant role in both) and the next stage of ego/identity development. The physical and psychological maturation processes aren't always in sync. Also, as others have mentioned here, our culture has reinforced the notion that displaying any other emotion is for women (it was even labeled, "your feminine side.") and "men don't do that," so if one does, he's at best teased for it and at worst, labeled as weak, less-than-man, etc., which is especially critical during youth, and not just among their male peers. Guys want to project that manly-man image to women, too, not for fear of teasing etc., but more so to be seen as fitting into the cultural stereotype, because to "not fit" makes him different (and in this case, in a negatively perceived way). Or maybe it's because when we do open up, some bitch rips our heart out, eats for breakfast, and then shits it back down our throats.
There's plenty of good answers about gendered expectations, so I'll go in a slightly different direction. I know Aetius meant this at least partially as a joke, but it's somewhat valid. In my experience, many women overestimate their ability to be a sympathetic, nonjudgmental ear. They say "You can tell me anything, I promise I won't look at you differently or get angry or turn into a ball of tears." And maybe we fall for it once or twice before we realize no, you can't, you're a human being just like anyone else. Because the emotional stakes are higher in a relationship (you care about each other more, and because you're more invested, you're also easier to hurt), we're more reluctant than we might be outside of the confines of the relationship. My guess is that you would find that close male friends are much more willing to give you a view of what's going on inside their head, because they're not as worried about the consequences. Possibly even more so than with their male friends, as they may feel less need to be macho when the other person isn't a guy. I speak with some authority, since my last relationship ended, or at least ended in an uglier fashion, because I didn't discuss my feelings with her. Specifically regarding how unhappy I was with our long-distance relationship. At the same time, though, the person in my life that I'm most likely to look to for advice or emotional discussions is of the opposite gender.
This is a non-issue for me. Here in Texas, a lot of women tend to start looking the same though - highlights, tan, french tip nails, pink lips, minimal makeup (because of the heat), so if you've got three girls in the same dress, it's basically a female Multiple Man running around. Especially if they all three have the same personality. I don't fit into that mold so it doesn't bother me.
Why must you take so long to be ready to go? I've been ready for an hour now and just waiting for you to feel pretty? Grr.
Glad to see the thread is going strong after a couple days out of commission. Boobs - I agree the fascination probably comes mostly from them being covered up, yet also visible, in public. As in, you can see their general size/shape, but you can't see...them. And we wanna. Along with a bunch of Freud crap, I also think the fascination comes from the general beauty of the female form. I've used the comparison before, about how the mathematical design of a woman's body is similar to that of a super sleek car. I don't give a shit about cars in general, but there are certain designs where I can't help but look and think, "god-fucking-damn". I think it's similar to when a straight girl/gay guy looks at a legitimately hot girl and just needs to give her props. Real/fake - Real all the way. Only encountered a couple fakes. Don't see them as anything more than a novelty. I won't ever turn them down, but I feel it's unlikely I'd ever date a girl long term if she had fakes. Feelings - I don't wanna talk about it. Only kinda joking. In general, I have a pretty simple life and I'm a laid back guy, but when I do get feelings or something like them, I don't like talking about them. Not because I feel that's unmanly (though subconcsiously I likely do), but because I don't feel it will work for me. The very few times in my life when things have gotten heavy, I think, write, drink, do something physical or, if possible, get laid. Not necessarily in that order. Anytime I have talked things out with a close friend, it's always when I have it at least mostly sorted out and I'm more updating them than looking for advice. So far, this approach has worked for me, though again, pretty easy life so far. This is unless of course the issue is my relationship, in which case I try to be as open as possible without hurting the theoretical girl I'm dating. Question for girls: Do any of you/your friends refuse to give oral? Seems like a dying breed, but I know there are a few out there. It seems like a horrible thing to do, but I would imagine that at times girls crave it just like I crave going down girls. Through my buddie's awesome wife I've learned her best friend refuses to with the guy she's been dating super-long distance for 5 freakin years! Apaprently it just grosses her out, and that puzzles me because, in many ways, all sex is gross. She's a nice girl, and hot, but holy fuck would that be a deal breaker. Actually, not even a deal breaker. If a girl ever said that to me I think I'd just stare blankly until she left.
Yes. I have a couple of friends who refuse to give head to their boyfriends. And they're a couple of my hotter friends and used to hook up a LOT. I never understood this. I would look at them like they had two heads whenever they wrinkled their noses and shook their heads in disgust. Like how can you not like giving head? It's awesome. I'm in my 30s and I find that it's kind of generational. Most of my friends who won't do it say that giving head is more intimate than fucking...something that was a special act and that's why they would never do it with randoms. Makes sense. Other reasons? One of my friends said she felt like she was subservient and that made her feel awkward and used. Another admitted that when she was with boyfriends it was more of a power-trip thing--like using it as a weapon to get what they wanted (or "for special occasions" as they'd put it). Personally, I just thought they were prudes. Sex is dirty and a pretty gross animalistic act--why not just go with it? I think there was a switch that flipped with the girls of the generation behind me. They're just more open and more out there sexually. I went to Syracuse when it was named the #3 party school so I definitely saw some serious partying and shit but I was actually shocked when I went to a college bar around my hometown years later and it was normal to see two girls making out. Therefore, I'd think that if you're not a lesbian and accepting another girl's tongue in your mouth, you'd be down for a dick in there as well.
My personal answer: Men and women are night and day with the subject of "feelings". Why? Because talking about feelings is boring and unecessary to the majority of us. We don't talk about our feelings because we don't care about them. Why bore others with it as well? If it's that rare occasion when it's something important, we'll talk about it. If it isn't then we're not going to, so deal with it. That shit is hard-wired into our DNA in the same way that women can't STOP talking about their feelings. You want to talk about them, we don't. Circle of life. You'll watch a three-hour costume drama about romance with no nudity or violence whatsoever in it and we find that boring, we'll argue with our own best friend for three straight months about a blown pass interference call and you find that boring.
Okay, I have a few questions. -Anecdata: Myself and several other women I've known have all been told (by men ONLY) that we're "...cute/sexy/hot when we're angry/pissed/peeved." What the fuck is going on with that? Is that really a thing? Angry people are scary. I am very scary. This makes no sense. Or are y'all trying to distract me from my rage with compliments? Strange beasts, men. -Honest thoughts, please: Other than the dudes who have a strong preference for women in glasses, how does the average man feel about women wearing glasses? Less attractive? More attractive? No change in attractiveness? Why? I have a feeling that this is going to be like the long hair v. short hair thing, but I want to hear the reasoning behind it. -Why does it weird y'all out so much if a girl likes cats? Not a crazy cat lady who collects cats and basically rolls around in cat shit all day trying to get from room to room- not that. But expressing a healthy love for cats will earn women open derision from a lot of men, which is bullshit. If I said the same thing about dogs, no one would blink an eye. What gives? Cats are awesome. -Pick the grossest option: Your lady doesn't shave her legs. Your lady doesn't shave her armpits. Your lady doesn't shave her pubic area. She sharts in your vicinity. She talks to you about her yeast infection. She leaves a bloody menstruation item in your wastebasket, in plain sight. One answer only. I seriously want to know how many of you will pick a body hair option because you've all been brainwashed into thinking that body hair is, like, the grossest thing ever. Other than DixieBandit, of course.
Am I detecting a correlation? I have no problem with cats, however there is no fucking reason for me to ever know you have one unless I'm visiting you and see you have one. If you're taliking about Mr Bitey and you think I'm interested you're misenterperating my body language.