The TIB guide to Men and Women

This is all true, but misses the point. Or at least does as far as I'm concerned.

It's not fear of rejection or nervousness with me. I have no trouble having the conversations, and absolutely no trouble talking to women.

It's more that I'm loathe to disrupt anyone's peace and quiet, or interrupt them as they try to go about their business. It just seems kind of rude, and doing so makes me uncomfortable.

 

Then keep not doing it? Seems like you've pretty much made your mind up on the matter, so I'm not sure how women saying that they do/don't mind it, whether there should be rules to the actual interaction (rules? huh?), etc would even effect your opinion.

 

I don't really know, it's hard to say. I'll just have to ask her about it and see what she says. This wouldn't be such a problem if her behavior wasn't a cock block in front of other women. I've been explicitly told that when other women see this kind of thing it makes it look like we are together, when we aren't. So the only real answer is to just ask her about it myself.

 

I guess what I'm asking is when don't they mind it.

 

Catcalls: The only time my friends and I ever do it are when we're drunk and in a group. It's along the lines of what Nett Data said, it's all about the male camaraderie.

 

Are you an introvert? Because when I'm out by myself, I enjoy talking to other people going about their business, just like what I'm doing. It breaks the monotony, and makes life more interesting. I obviously chat up more women than men when I'm out because like someone else said, it's just fishing, but I do talk to men too (every conversation I have is not with an agenda). If the conversations goes somewhere then I'll ask for the number. It has an astoundingly good success rate. The thing is, I'm not chatting them up to get a date to begin with, I engage them because I'm a social person and I'm just doing what I do. It's also really easy to be clever for 3 minutes at a time.

If you go up to a woman thinking you are interrupting her peace and quite, then that is exactly how it is going to feel to them too, because it's awkward. But if you are just asking how to pick out a decent cantaloupe because you're a guy and have no idea wtf you are doing, then that's not intrusive, that's getting a decent cantaloupe and a conversation at the same time. If you continue talking and "click", then take it further, and you will know, because it will be comfortable and not awkward. Besides most normal people worth talking to, will talk with strangers.

As far as Catcalling goes, I've done it, and never really had an success with it. I think it is more entertainment value than anything, it's kinda just like tossing big rocks in the river. Nothing ever really happens, but sometimes you get a big splash. (also, I know it feels good when a girl is checking me out, so I feel like it's returning the favor in kind, ain't nothin' wrong with a little whistle)

 

Re: Striking up a conversation with a girl in public

I know this isnt the greatest advice to give to guys, but its all about reading the girl. To me, its obvious if a girl is in a bad mood or doesnt want to be approached or make small talk with anyone. If they look pissed off or frazzled or frantic, then you probably wont get the best results approaching them. If they look like theyre just going about their day, or hanging out, then as long as youre polite and uncreepy and shes not a bitch then I dont think shed get offended or weirded out, at the least, or she d be happy. I know that since I don t know a lot of people in the city, I ll sometimes spend a day out at a coffee shop or bookstore or somewhere similar largely because I might meet someone. I think that what she s wearing is a good clue: if it looks like she just threw something on and her hair s all wild then maybe she s not too crazy about the idea of being interrupted, but if it looks like she took any time to get put together, I would go for it. (Of course, some girls dont give a shit about their appearance regardless, but its a start.)

Oh, and if shes on a laptop then I wouldnt bother. Reading is hard to judge, but I think its the easiest in to hitting on someone ever. "Hey, what are you reading?" "Is that a good book?" Etc.

 

Catcalling? Guys do that yelling shit from the car with ANYBODY, including other dudes. It's just a victimless way of blowing off steam, I guess. Just walk down any semi-busy street during the Desperation Hour and wait and see how long it takes before you get called "Fag" by seven guys all riding in the same car with house music playing.

 

But what if they have nothing more than chronic bitchface?

 

A question for the TiBettes. When a few close female friends are hanging out with no guys present, do you guys let yourself audibly fart? Or is that just a thing women do in private or with significant others only?

 

We don't fart, we fluff.


Um, I don't let any squeaks fly around anyone (except for Mr.P, but even that is quite rare). That's just gross.

 

Chater, I didn't say I don't fart. I do, just not around others, if it can be helped. I burp, however, I am proud of those. Mr P. thinks they are gross, but I think he he just jealous of my timbre.

 

Not in this apartment. Here I just hold it all in til I explode in the bathroom at night, while everyone is asleep. Thank black jesus for Glade Apple Cinnamon.

 

Or, if you're not living with your sweetie, you just hold it in. Even if you end up shacking at his place for a week. My sphincter muscles could compete in a Strongman competition.

Eventually, though, your stomach gets really bloated and you feel mildly ill and then it's time to make up a lame excuse in order to take a walk/drive far, far away from your dude. And then you have one long, continuous fart for three blocks and life feels so much better.

 

After a while in a relationship, somewhere around the time you realize that you've been together long enough that your fingers, tongue, and penis have been in pretty much every crack, crevice, and orifice on her body there ain't no secrets left.

Just go ahead and fart.

 

I'll tell you why you think this is true. It's a cold read. Like what a horoscope might do. It's a cold read because virtually everyone does this, men and women.

I can count 6 times this past week alone when I was venting/ complaining, and a girl or woman proffered advice or "solutions" when I was just complaining. I would talk about a predicament, something I've been working to solve for some months, and they'd offer some immediate, surface-level 'advice,' as if it hadn't already been considered or done already. It's obvious when I'm just bitching, I don't need someone 4-5 years younger than me asking me if I tried X or Y.

This also happened when I was in a relationship. I'd bitch about this and that. Then I'd be offered solutions by my girlfriend. So yeah. Girls do it too. It's a natural response. You see someone with a problem that's negatively impacting them, you want to relieve them. You only offer condolences after you realize the problem is FUBAR.

Anyway, here's my question to women, something I don't fully understand.

Why are women so obsessed with public perception/ strangers/ all that shit?

In particular, like, girlfriends and love interests are super concerned about kissing in a public space, holding hands, who they are being seen with. Women are super concerned with public displays of intimacy, at least in my experience. Even with a boyfriend! Even if it's front of a bunch of passing strangers you'll never fucking see again in your life! Why the fuck do you care about the opinions of strangers who will cease to exist in your life in 10 minutes? Boggles the mind.

Also, on the flip side of the coin, sometimes girls turn this around on me, too. Happens all the time. They think that *I* am only kissing them/ dancing with them/ whatever with them so that I can be SEEN with them or that I'm showboating for the crowd. Like I'm a man who is "showing off" his girl or whatever the fuck. They hate that, and I can understand - that sucks if a guy is just doing that shit for ego and not because its his true desires. But it's a crock of shit! I don't give two fucks what the people around us are doing or thinking.

Now I got girls who are concerned both if the strangers in the vicinity think she's a slut AND if the dude she's making out with is just doing it to impress the crowds. Holy shit. I can't take girls in public anywhere these days.

There's a question in there somewhere. Answer it please.

 

I have to be honest here, I side with you. I have dated guys that were on both sides of the spectrum. My most recent ex hated any kind of display of affection in public. He got just about annoyed when I kissed him. Holding hands was out. However, when we were in private everything was cool. I will be honest, it fucked with my head pretty badly. It made me question myself. It wasn't like I was trying to dry hump him in public, or stick my tongue down his throat. At the same time, there is no reason for him to be ashamed of me either. It wasn't like our relationship was a secret. To this day I still don't understand. I have no problem showing affection in public, as long as it is PG.

Then of course there is the opposite. I dated a guy that could not keep his hands to himself to save his life. He wanted to be glued to my side. If he wasn't holding my hand, then his hand was either in my back pocket, or trying to grope inside my shirt. It didn't matter if my mother was standing right there or not. He didn't give a fuck. What the hell?