Except the instant a girl does use slutty behavior to get attention from guys in front of other girls it's hatin' time! Explain why girl's get upset when this happens and at the same time why guys can't think this behavior is bad quality? As some people have pointed out it is more about decision making abilities. I'd say some of it was because she went from a middle class A-B student in high school to a complete fuck up in three years flat. Sure there are reasons behind everyone's bad behavior, doesn't make them any more attractive for their horrible decisions.
That's one of the strictest codes my friends have. Once they've dated, she's private parking for good. Opinions may vary, but I don't think you're much of a "friend" if you feel the need to sink that low, male or female. You're more like a snake.
The rules I've always gone by: 1) If he dumped her, she's fair game after an appropriate waiting period 2) If she dumped him, she's forever off limits unless he gives his blessing 3) No matter what, bros before hoes ya'll
See even then I have seen it where guys have dumped their girls or guys have given their blessing and it just blows up because the guys thinks he'll be cool with it, but it ends up not working out that way and he gets jealous or bitter and resents the person. You can make the argument that "he gave me his blessing!" but that isn't going to change how they now feel and that he isn't cool with it. Even if you break it off shit doesn't exactly just go back to normal. Like seriously, why bother? I've seen this shit destroy the best of friendships. I would never fuck with this kind of situation ever, not worth it to me. Bros before hoes always.
If you, as a guy, give your blessing, game on. Of course, I'd always have a conversation detailing the what have yous and give you plenty of chances to tell me to go fuck myself. If a friend of mine wants to date a girl that I dated and it would make me uncomfortable in any way shape or form, I'd tell my friend to find another hole to stick it in. If a guy gets bitchy about it after saying "go ahead", that is no longer my problem.
Heh. I'd need a flow chart to explain who's fucking who with my current circle of friends/fuck buddies. I have five close male friends and a female friend who I'm not fucking. Every one of them has fucked at least two of my current fuck buddies. Except for one of my current fuck buddies, every one of them has fucked at least two of my friends. The kind of weird thing is that a couple of those guys I was never close too, before we started sharing fuck buddies. Now, pretty good friends. I know my situation is weird. But in the past, I had three girlfriends in a row who had dated at least two of my friends. K had dated Rich, Mike and Brett before we got together. H had dated Rich, Dave and Brett before we got together and is now married to Rich. Dave went on to marry a girl who also did the rounds of our friends. K2 had dated Mike before we got together and went on to date Dave after we stopped seeing each other. I was the only active pervert from that group of friends, although H and Rich are now quite active perves. While one of those girls was someone you could reasonably describe as a slut - the others were kind of shy, conservative girls who really didn't know a lot of guys outside of the circle of friends. In the girlfriend's vanilla group of friends, there are a core group of guys who move in and out of being the 'main' friends and the girls around that core group have been friends with the guys since highschool for some of them. Over a decade of friendship with a group of guys and girls - some of you are going to fuck more than one member of the group. That's not slutty - that's just how it's going to be. If you're hanging out with a big group of people who all have a lot in common - chances are you'll gel with more than one member of the group - and if you're a group that drinks and likes to fuck - hookups will fucking happen. I really don't understand the way guys leap to label girls who like sex 'Sluts' like it's a bad thing. Wouldn't it be fucking awesome if more girls were sluts? If girls liked to fuck the same way guys do, and didn't feel like there was some social stigma where strangers would judge them based solely on the fact that two of the guys who they fucked knew each other? I mean how awesome would it be, as a straight guy, if women liked to fuck the way gay men liked to fuck? If you could walk into a sex on premises venue, talk to someone for five seconds, show them your dick and have them blow you? Or if they did opt to pass, know that inside of five minutes, there'd be a taker? Possibly two? And those takers would be awesome, because without the stigma concerns, girls would trade technique tips?
I thunk the whole Ross/Rachel/friends dating other friends and breaking/making/up is incredibly awkward. I'm not good at doing with social situations like that at all. I don't have a whole bunch of female friends anyway, for this to really ever crop up. If I did though, I'd probably be totally inept.
This post made me think of another question. I suppose it's directed mainly at the men, although it certainly applies to both genders. Obviously not everyone(anyone) is in scootah's situation, but most of us have had the experience of casual sex. Maybe "casual" sex is a bad phrase for it...I think I mean "uncommitted" sex. What I'm getting at is: does sex without commitment or emotional attachment ever stop being okay? Certainly most of us like our sexual partners; we want the best for them and wish them no harm and to a degree enjoy their company. There is a big difference, however, between liking/fucking someone and being committed to them. In a nutshell: do you ever wish for more than just sex?
Im starting to think you are an undercover troll as your post are dancing closer and closer to braggadocios. Anyway, I think we'd all love the hedonistic Sodom and Gomorra. Sure theyre wouldn't be any wars if dudes were getting 4 blowjobs a day. Even if girl did open up, it'd take a generation or two for it to be completely accepted. Still, like mentioned before it's more about poor decisions. If any of my guy buddies turned out to be fucking crack head prostitutes to get his nut off he'd be just as stigmatized.
Re: The TIB guide to en and Women Only as I started getting older and really started giving more of a shit about the type of people I hang around. I've done my fair share of sleeping around when I was younger so that comes secondary now to someones personality. Sex is still VERY important when it comes to a person, but I don't worry about that until after I've gotten to know someone. Sex to me is infinitely better when you actually like the person and don't want to kick them out of your bed when you're done. For the record I'm 28.
I'll refrain* from posting the network map I just made of my ongoing fuck buddy dynamics then. The model I described is how basically every gay man's sex life works if he wants it too. I'm sure there are gay men who have dignified and restrained sex lives. But for the most part, gay guys will at some point in their sex life frequent sex on premises venues like a bathhouse or something. And sexuality is completely chilled. You walk in, relax, talk to someone, fuck them, maybe fuck someone else, and when you're done you leave. There's no pressure. There's no arguments. It's all ludicrously laid back because everyone knows that they're getting laid. Everyone knows there's no pressure for them to fuck if they don't want too. But it's fun - so why not. In gay bars, you occasionally get someone who's drunk - but for the most part - hookups are completely low pressure events. Because hey, if by some weird fluke you don't hook up at the bar, you can swing by a bathhouse or a cruise on the way home. There's a bunch of reasons why heterosexual intercourse doesn't work like that. Historically the absence of contraceptives were an issue and there was a load of risk for women engaging in that kind of sex. But in a modern age of condoms and the pill? The reasons that are left are cultural. We're too uptight about women's sexuality for that sort of behavior to be OK. We all instinctively recoil at the thought of a woman having that kind of sexuality. We judge our friends for dating a woman like that. For being intimate with a woman like that. Cypress Hill remember that freak bitch, but they didn't kiss her. We call a woman a slut because she fucked 6 guys in 6 years and two of them knew each other. I've heard more than one guy list the fact that a girl has probably fucked lots of black guys as a reason not to pursue a relationship with her. I suspect that if someone told most of the guys reading this on the first date that she used to work as an escort but doesn't work in the industry any more, it'd never go past a first date. I suspect that former escort would be referred to as 'the time <X> went on a date with a whore' every time the story was retold in future. It's really no wonder that so many women are so uptight about their sexuality. There is stigma facing guys, especially guys who fuck other guys. But a straight guy needs to fuck crackhead prostitutes to face the same kind of stigma that a girl faces when she fucked two guys who know each other. A guy who fucks best friends at the same time, or a milf and her daughter (assuming she's of legal age, hot, and not at the same time) is a fucking folk hero. Spoiler * Refrain until the end of the post. Yes it's all honest. And I've only maped ongoing involvements. Several of the people on the map have hooked up with other people on the map, but are no longer involved with that person for whatever reason. Also, there's no way I could reasonably fit more casual involvements onto the map. I missed at least one indirect (I.E. not with me) relationship and I'm pretty sure I missed others, and I didn't include the relationships of indirect relationships, because again - too fucking many - but that's all of mine. And yes, I do see the resemblance to a infection cluster map.
Ok, the one I don't get is in the lower right. A little above that you have Scootah engaging with a guy and a girl who engage with each other. Swell, couples like to get their freak on as well. But a little below that there's a second couple where only the guy is involved with you, and they're not involved with anyone else. Is he on the downlow? Does the wife/girlfriend ok it but doesn't want any part of it? Does she just watch and you don't count that as being involved?
I'm not disagreeing with you on these points per se, but I don't know if that is the sole reason heterosexual sex is unlike homosexual sex. Personally, as a female, I take it as a given that I could go out and get laid this moment if I wanted to. No strings attached, no impact on my life. Not because I'm exceptionally pretty or smart or interesting, only because I possess a functioning vagina and that's the way the world works. The reason I don't is not because I'm afraid of being labeled a slut or a whore. Nor is it because I fear disease or assault, although I suppose those things do happen. It's because I'm starting to become disillusioned. Surely to god there has to be more to sex than a casual encounter and getting off. I'd like it to actually mean something and not have it be totally compartmentalized in my life. Am I in a minority in the way that I feel?
Girlfriend is fine with it, but we're not into each other. She's not into the whole kink thing, and doesn't like it when I slap her boyfriend around (which is basically what he wants when he comes over) and I'm not particularly into her so no motivation to pursue anything. The boyfriend wants to watch us hook up - but I don't think it will ever happen. One of the people on that map is my girlfriend. There's emotional investment and a lot more than sex. And lots of those relationship maps one layer out from mine are long term relationships. There's a couple of people who've been together for years and two of those couples are raising kids together. There's an engagement in there as well. But regardless of my relationships, it's not that I think in a world where sex had no stigma, all sex would be like a gay bathhouse. I'm sure that in this magical fantasy world where lots of casual sex has no negative social implications, there would still be people who were monogamous and blissfully happy in a Lilly and Marshall from How I Met Your Mother sort of way. I just think there'd be a lot more predominantly hetero oriented women exploring the alternatives. I don't think there's anything inherent to homosexuality, BDSM or Masculinity that makes the casual group sex thing seem like a good idea. I think it's just that you need some kind of safety net to explore those ideas. And if you're gay - who gives a fuck if people think you're a slut? If you're into BDSM, everyone assumes you're a slut anyway. And if you're a guy? Being a successful slut makes you fucking awesome. Especially if you can tell a funny story about it.
I could be miles off here, and if so apologies, but the phrasing 'does uncommitted sex ever stop being ok' suggests that uncommitted sex lacks something you value, whether it's intimacy, or respect, or love. In my experience, if my need for intimacy is being met elsewhere (via close friends, or bourbon, or what have you) then it is irrelevant whether the sex also provides these things*. However, the corollary is that if I'm lonely to begin with, emotionless sex can just exacerbate it. So, to answer your question: damn straight I wish for more than just sex, but not necessarily from the person I'm having sex with. Having said that, I'm a much better friend than I am a boyfriend, so that might skew my answer. *Do I need to hand in my man card somewhere for writing about a need for intimacy? How about that local sports team, fellas? Blowjobs.
Intimacy and sex are both good things that work well separately and together. If a person never had and never wanted to experience the two in conjunction, i would suspect that he/she is a sociopath.
Yeah, but if they've never wanted to experience one without the other, I would suspect that they have really boring sex anyway. I don't think those things are ever going away. But I wish we didn't have this idea that any woman who enjoys sex without intimacy (and a Enya soundtrack, candles, rose petals and a diamond ring on her finger) is a whore or somehow unclean and lesser. I really like intimacy and and the kind of sex you have in a relationship, with someone who means more to you than the sum of their physicality. But sport fucking a friend, or a couple of friends, because they're hot and really fucking fun in bed? It's a good time. And nobody should feel like a bad person for enjoying it.
But how will we ensure that women stay home and raise the kids, while their husbands provide an appropriate labour force to drive the economy, unless we shame them into it? Frogs will rain from the heavens, male dogs will mate with male cats, and society will collapse. Heathen. (And in my more cynical moments: how else can we ensure that those who have chosen to 'forsake all others' don't resent and regret that decision?)