I can't help but think there may also be a fair amount chest beating in the situation. I know that in metaphysical sense, yes there is enough of my girlfriend's love to go around. Her fucking somebody else doesn't mean she loves me less and I've never been one to get jealous when it comes to "emotional affairs". Really, it's more "Fuck you, that's my woman!! Hulk Smash!!!" More of a primal, territorial sense. I don't expect her to be my property by any means, but when it comes to fucking I can't help but to feel that way.
Honestly I don't think what ever starvation economy you describe is even close to a factor of what we are talking about here. I'd have to say that again it seems like these swingers you know are outliers. During the summer of love years in the late sixties a lot of communes had open free love and eventually all fell into a state of disarray through infighting and jealousy because in the end the people still had their natural inclination towards these instincts (I'd probably look at this as a better representation then what some Tundra Penguin does with multiple bird partners or what ever state of nature example you use that isn't human beings). As much as I might have used some hyperbole with the aids/hooker comment I think you are also over simplifying this 6 partners in six year example. Also, the double standard swings both ways. My biggest lady's man friend used the fact that he cheated on his girlfriend and was known as a home wrecker to his advantage. These two things go past the simple "bad boy" image as they are both extremely negative attributes in my mind. Yet, without fail, each new girl that came along saw this as a guy as more desirable because he had coaxed other girls into particularly drama filled situations just to be with him. This guy would move friend to friend, he even hooked up with sisters a few months apart which cause huge amounts of jealousy between the two.
Scootah's comparison of sexual jealousy vs. having lots of familial or platonic love is a great example I think. Yes, a father can love multiple kids, you can love multiple siblings, parents, etc, and no one quite cares too much. But what if your father treated any random kid at the school yard like his son? Took him to baseball games, went to some father-son even, etc? Just random kids he met. Yeah, he might be considered a saint, or a creeper, but you might have some resentment or a bruised ego. It's not about "amount of love and time going around." If that were the case, men would prefer a woman that would quickly and efficiently cheat on them to a faithful spouse that worked 80 hours a week. It's all about ego and apish impulses (ev. psych, anyone?). Yes, these jealousy/ territorial impulses, you might argue, might cause you more harm than help in this day and age, especially if no one is actually trying to get your SO pregnant. But that's like trying to convince yourself, logically, that you should just start liking broccoli over ice cream or start liking to fuck men over women, as "logical decisions." It ain't happening. It's also about ego. You want to feel special and like you are a unique snowflake. Not just some portable dildo or a "dildo who is also a great friend." You want to be THE fucking guy. Now, some swingers like Scootah and his friends may have solved this problem by feeling like the #1 guy to their SO in ways other than being "the sole guy fucking her." To some of us apes, we have no desire or capacity to make ourselves free of that need, among other needs. I've seen many guys who either never had the need for monogamy or did some mental ju-jitsu on themselves so they don't care about monogamy anymore. But I've noticed they all still have that need to be #1 to their primary, even if she is fucking other guys. We are animals, and some impulses you just fuckin can't turn off. Some people are obsessed with money, or power, or looks, or alcohol, or heroin, to the point of self-destruction and beyond all rational thought. In similar ways, most people in this modern age need monogamy at certain times. I'm one of those people, and I am what I am. Not saying I don't want to fuck other people when I'm in a relationship. That's the hypocritical truth as well. I don't act on it, though, mostly because, well, it would be hypocritical. We both fuck around or we both don't, that's the typical deal isn't it?
Apologies if this post is random, and a bit late, I've just been on holidays and feel left out. Devils Advocate, obviously it's your body and you can do what you want, but please, don't do what you want. When fake boobs were first a thing, I assumed they were the greatest invention ever. The older I get, the more silly they seem. Don't think I've ever met a guy who honestly prefers fake, and that includes the demented perverts on here. It kinda seems like you wanna do it more for yourself than for your guy, and that's great, but I really think you're being selfish. Just think of all the girls who would love to have your C's, and how they would feel if...wait, what was I talking about? Regarding swinging, I think I'd try it with a booty call, but that probably wouldn't make it proper swinging, since the emotional connection is weaker. I vaguely understand the idea of enjoying the sight of your girlfriend fucking another dude and enjoying herself, and I've certainly fantasized about the opposite (her watching me bang another girl, to prevent any "you wanna fuck a dude!" comments), but I just can't shake the caveman mentality of wanting her all to myself, while simultaneously wanting all the other girls too. As for slut or not, I think it's more about why you're sleeping around than how many you've slept with. I forget where I'm quoting this from, but if a girl is taking lots of dick to fill the hole between her legs, she's cool (assuming she's being safe). If she's taking lots of dick to fill the hole in her soul, she's a slut. There's also the whole age/number of partners ratio, but that gets tricky. A 17 year old who's slept with 25 guys seems like a bit much, but a 22 year old who's done the same, even though it's only 5 years, doesn't strike me as bad. Other than that, well said, captainjackass. Only thing I'll add is this general notion I get that we (western culture, anyways) are heading towards a more open mindset, similar to Scootah's community. Not just gay marriage and general LGBT rights, but women not being so fucking self conscious about sex/their bodies, babies and marriage. There's a fine line between being open minded individuals and being complete hedonists, but I think we're heading the right direction, though obviously I'm biased. What intrests me lately, is how/when we shifted from 'animalistic', where we wouldn't think to care about two cavemen touching tips (like animals today don't seem to hate on each other for being gay), to 'human', where we have a bunch of mostly made up do's and dont's, and now, slowly but surely, back to not caring what our private parts touch, provided it's all consensual. To keep the questions rolling: Don't think it's been covered explicitly, but how long do you all think booty call relationships can last? I've had a few over the years, the longest being about a year and half, and that seemed to be pushing it for her. She was easily the most openly sexual girl I've met, but even she couldn't help developing feelings and whatnot. I could have kept going for...ever, it seems.
It depends on a lot of variables, like the amount of sex each person is having outside the booty-call, sexual preferences, etc. The longest I've kept up a what I think of as the normal booty-call type relationship, before the girl started asking the "is this going anywhere?" questions, was around 8 months. On the other hand, I live 1000 miles away from another girl that I used to hook up with, and if we were to be in the same town again we'd definitely still hook up, and that would make it more than 2 years. The thing is, we never hooked up all that regularly, and it was a bit outside-of-the-box in that she had a boyfriend (who consented to her messing around on the side). But to me, that's totally different than the "I seem to have struck out tonight but I'm drunk and horny, *speed dial 7*" booty-call. So yeah, I think there's no answer and it depends on the people, just like every other question in this thread. Except the sex on the first date question. Ladies, any guy that doesn't like a girl that puts out probably isn't worth putting out for.
I don't know exactly what aspect you're asking about, but I'll roll with it... If you're talking about the actual vagina, obviously tighter is better, but depth is an oftentimes overlooked issue. I'm pretty well endowed and once dated a girl who was so shallow that I would hit her cervix without really even getting into it. Legs over my shoulders or doggy style? Completely out of the question, not even on the menu, couldn't even think of doing it or she would wince. Until we figured out a game plan it was just awful. If you're talking about labia, I mean...I don't think it's THAT big of a deal. It certainly doesn't affect sexual performance (although I've seen those clips of those British chicks with pussy lips so big they were folding inward while they were getting banged and the friction hurt, or they hang out of the sides of their underwear, etc and they had surgery to fix it). With that being said, I think it's pretty much common sense that most men would rather take this vagina over this one. Vaginas are kind of like cars. If you've gotten to drive a new one, you get to enjoy all the perks of being it's first owner, the new car smell, it handles better, it's never been in the shop, brand new tires, etc and it's awesome. If you're buying used, which most of us are, you obviously want something that's passed an inspection by a certified vagina mechanic, doesn't have any dings in the door panels and the engine still roars when you stomp the gas. Also, you don't really give a shit if you weren't the first owner of that Porsche, because holy shit...it's a Porsche. As long as you're not trying to make us drive a two tone Geo Metro that's dragging a muffler, we don't really care. They all get you from point A to be point B at the end of the day, just don't be offended if your guy admits that sometimes he likes to imagine he's driving a Lexus instead instead of an Accord.
I've had an on and off friends with benefits thing for going on 2 years now with breaks in between when one of got into a relationship or wasn't around. Both of us know we are not The One for each other, but we have great sexual chemistry so it has really been very ideal. Of course, neither of us tell the other about other people we may or may not have fooled around with. It is a mutual understanding. As far I can see, there is no reason to envision an upper bound on the relationship, so I say they can last as long as you both want it to last.
For the women, why is it that many women seem to have some innate need to EVERYTHING that is going through their mans head? My girl seems to have a basic inability to accept "nothing" as an answer to "what are you thinking/doing?" Though to be fair it could have more to do with my girls upbringing. Because both she and her mother have virtually NO ability to internalize. Every thought that comes to my girl is going to be expressed. The fact that I often go off into my own little world bugs the ever loving shit out of her. As does my tendency to want to work through a majority of my issues mental/emotional issues internally. It just seems that it is not to much to ask that I be allowed to have some of my thoughts completely to myself.
Mine was a friends with benefits situation rather than a straight booty call, it lasted through 8 years and 4 other relationships (stopped when those relationships started, but resumed shortly after they ended). We talked about it every so often, and agreed that it was just sex, blah blah. Then one of her friends got drunk and told me that the girl in question had said she would feel guilty if she hooked up with anyone else (thanks, 'slut' shaming!), so I ended it. Personally, I would have been happy to continue it indefinitely, but it weighs heavily on you if you think that you might be responsible for depriving someone else of the proper relationship you aren't willing to give her.
Touche. To be fair, as long as the behavior in general remains consistent I don't care too much When there's "nothing" rattling around up there. It's when everything rolls together to create a chasm that I spazz. So nyah.
Regarding expectations, why is it that some women create expectations of their own based on assumptions instead of facts? A perfect example happened last night. I went out with co-workers for some food and a few drinks. I called my girlfriend early on and let her know what was going on and that I'd call when I was on my way home. To her, this meant that I'd be home before 8, because she assumed that's how long it would take for food and drinks to be received and consumed. When she called me at 10, she was pissed that I didn't tell her I was going to be so late. Maybe it's just me, but isn't saying, "I'll call you when I'm on my way home later" an indication that I haven't put a time limit on my night? I made it clear that I was coming home, but that was it. She never asked me what time I thought I was going to be home, and I never gave an estimate (to create an expectation) because I didn't know. I suppose the solution lies in better communication, but on what side? Are both at fault for this? This is something that has happened to me a lot with many different women in various situations, from girlfriends to my mother.
It looks to me that you've answered your own question. You're the only common denominator. Maybe it's my age, but when someone says they're going out for drinks and dinner at 5 PM, it seems completely reasonable to me that your girlfriend thought it wouldn't take you as long as you did.
I agree that I would think around 8 as well, but I think the real issue is why the hell would she care whether he was home by 8 or 11? They don't have kids. Unless he had something he needed to do or she's afraid of him cheating on her, why would it matter? And if she was surprised he wasn't home by 8, why not text him and ask if he had an ETA?
It was a problem on both sides. You both had an internal expectation that you didn't verbalize. Hers was that you'd be home early. Yours was that you'd be home whenever you felt like the night was over. You should know pretty soon into a relationship whether your girlfriend is going to react well to nebulous plans that turn into late nights. If you've had this problem multiple times, I fail to see why you haven't started saying, "...and it may be late." Simply setting expectations would probably correct the whole issue, so why aren't you doing that?
I agree, dump the bitch. And for the booty call duration responses, I agree that sporadic-ness is key. Drunk texting at 3AM every other week is fun, but it seems to take a toll on the girl's emotions, and that's bad. There's a girl now who I have a 'just sex' relationship with, but I wouldn't call it a booty call, since we've only hooked up 4 times over 7 months. I like it better because it doesn't seem like it will bother her down the road (she's dated two guys in between our hook ups), and we sorta make it a multi-round event over a Saturday evening-Sunday morning, instead of super late night drunk humps. Good times. Think I've mentioned this in another sex-themed thread, but I've only ever encountered one noticeably loose girl, and one insanely tight girl. I didn't like either. The tight girl had crazy kegel control, and it was off-putting, because I couldn't thrust properly. It was like one of those Chinese finger traps where thrusting only made it worse. I came in a couple minutes, and that was awesome, but it was almost like she was fucking me. The loose girl encounter was kinda funny (and slightly gross), because I'm pretty sure she thought I was small. Not saying I'm huge, but I've been too much for some girls, and I coulda fit another one of my dicks in that cavern between her legs. Other than those two, differently shaped vaginas are just another great part about sex! For the ladies, be honest: have you ever in your life been visually attracted to any penis, anytime, anywhere? I understand a straight girl being excited by an erect penis because the idea of it inside them feels good or whatever, but aside from when you're about to do the deed, are they anything BUT funny or gross?
In hindsight, that would've made things much better. I guess I went the "I won't create any expectations for any arrival time" route, thinking that would be fine if things went later than expected. Next time I'll just tell her I'm never coming home...ever. That way, when I show up, I will have exceeded her expectations.
Here is how you handle this. Be aware that what makes sense to YOU may not make sense to her, being individual, unique snowflakes. When you are calm and she is calm, aplogize for the misunderstanding (not the "crime") and ask her how she would like to clarify these sorts of things in the future. It's as easy as that. Just stick to whatever you have agreed upon as far as communication and move on. I've been through this with Mr. P, there have been times that I assume he is thinking what I am thinking and that is a slippery slope to conflict. If I am attracted to the owner, then yes, they are attractive. If it's just a random penis picture, then not really. Which leads me to a question... Why do guys feel the need to take picture of their penis and send it via text or whatever? It's one thing if I have requested it, it is quite another to just send it. This was something I experienced a few times when I was single, from people I had not even met yet.
I've never done it, but I would assume it's about validation or attention seeking, and maybe a little shock value mixed in. Is this a common occurrence for women? Do many guys send you pics of their penises? Shit I wouldn't even do if my girlfriend asked me.
I base this on nothing but hearsay and conjecture, but guys are generally way more visual than women and project that on the women they'd like to put their penis into. Their thought process is "Well, I like looking at pussy, so conversely, my penis must look amazing. I should send a picture."