The TIB guide to Men and Women

The aroma of a female's shampoo after 8 months is enough to make it move.

 

Not that I'm exactly out of the loop when it comes to hanging around with wimmenfolk on a regular basis, but the smell of sunscreen lotion will ALWAYS be correlated in my head with tube tops, short shorts, and tanned legs that just don't quit.

You're damn right. Just thinking about that smell...ah crap. Good thing I don't have any meetings scheduled for the next few minutes, because standing up probably isn't a good idea at the moment.

 

Ugh, I knew someone would ask this eventually.

There is no real down pat answer either.

Men think from point A to point B, women then try to cram point A to point B into the big life picture and see the "end result." This end result is often shaded by her particular mood, it can make a pretty sunset look bleak. Hooray hormones, environment and past occurances.

Hmm, it somewhat makes sense to me...

 

That's what you get for making Adam eat the forbidden fruit.

Just kidding. Please don't hurt me.

 

Thanks for the rib.

 

When I was ten I had no problem jacking off to a swimsuit picture. Today I can't even get hard unless it's a hardcore video of a slut with a dick in her ass, vagina and choking on another in her mouth. And I'm only kind of kidding.

 

Inner Monologue:

"Oh, I need to stop and get milk for breakfast tomorrow. I wonder if I have enough cereal? Oh yeah, I should grab some Froot Loops, little Jossy will like that. Hmm, thinking of kids, I wonder how baby D is doing? I can't believe Jackey actually used the phrase 'practice sitting techniques' while describing their daily routine. I gotta call Paige and tell her that, she'll get a giggle. Oh maybe not, I should probably give her another day or two to get over that snarky comment I let slip before I extend the olive branch. Oooh olives, I should get some of those too!

... what else was I here for again?"

This is not an exaggeration for me. I will go off on ridiculous tangents because when I think of something, I get distracted down the path of something else that is ever so slightly connected.

 

I want to expand on my dick pictures comment. It's not that I hate dick pictures.

I don't mind looking at your junk if I have fantasies about you fucking the ever-living shit out of me.

However, your dick at multiple different angles, with multiple different backgrounds... is still just your dick. So, fine. Send one. Send two. Maybe even send three!

But if you're not going to be sticking it in me at some point, I don't need or want a slideshow of pictures of your little guy.

 

I'm pretty sure the first, or one of the first, things I ever fired one out to was Denise Austin's workout shows. And she was usually pretty well clothed in those.

What can I say? She's hot, in incredible shape, and has a lovely voice that's always saying such confidence building/supportive things.

"That's it! Keep going!"
"You can do it! Just a little longer!"
"Feel the burn! You're doing great!"

No regrets.

 

This topic deserves its own thread. Heading to the suggestion board...

 

So we agree then, dick pics are stupid. Very well then.

Not sure if this has been covered, and I'm not going back to look, but it seems like we haven't discussed anal play extensively.

I know full out anal sex is a delicate subject for most girls, aside from the small percentage who actually crave it (any Tibettes fall into this category/care to explain why?), and I've found that all girls love their asses being grabbed and squeezed as much as I/the theoretical guy wants. But what about the stuff in between grabbing and anal sex? This idea was sparked from someone mentioning butt plugs in the night drawer thread. I've never used one on a girl, though I totally would, but I enjoy rubbing a finger up and down her crack during doggy, or even inserting a finger or two if she's down. I've also been known to get adventurous with my tongue during/immediately after a shower. I've never put a finger in without permission, but I've taken the initiative with rubbing/licking and have always had good results.

Tibettes (or Tibers, I guess): where do you fall on the anal play spectrum? Ever try/consider trying butt plugs? Do you demand ATM on the regular, or do you get nervous the minute your cheeks get spread even a little?

 

Frankly this is a fair question for both men & women, since both men & women have assholes. Personally I think that any guy who expects his female (or male) partners to enjoy taking it up the ass while he trembles at the thought of anything coming near his asshole is a hypocrite.

 

This thread has been running for awhile but I don't recall this being asked....

How does one deal with or behave around women who get very moody around their periods? The type that will just be extremely emotional for a few days and will try to take everything you say and try to get offended by it.

I try to be logical (I know...) about it and demonstrate to the girl that she is letting her "mood" get the best of her. At best, she will recognize that it is happening but fail to change it. At worst, I will be called a fucking ass hole who doesn't understand and doesn't care and so on.

I personally don't put up with it and I'm not sure that is the best. The long term gain of letting people know you will never put up with their shit seems to be offset by the short term devastation of a woman hating your guts for not giving her a free pass to be a bitch for 3-5 days.

 

Happy wife, happy life.

 

Think of it this way...it's like a hangover. When you're hungover, your body is reacting to a stimulus/situation, right? Some hangovers are headaches, some body aches, some lethargy, some puking, some runs, some a combo of all of the above. You can take aspirin, drink Gatorade, sleep, eat grease, but all those things may not remedy what your body is doing. You just have to deal with whatever your body decides to do and deal the best way you know how. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't and you just have to ride it out. It's the same way with PMS except you haven't done anything to set off the reaction. It's not in your control.

Before I was on the pill, I had an entire week of terrible mood swings that I simply couldn't control. I'd have a rational side that would talk to me like an air bubble over my head saying, "Chirpy, seriously? What the fuck are you doing/saying???" Then I'd look at the calendar and it would all make sense. I fixed it by going to the ob/gyn and simply asking for help.

Now that I'm on the pill, I literally have one day (maybe two) where I am just a mess. I'm irritable and grumpy or I cry for no reason at all. I try to warn whomever and apologize in advance or even just remove myself from stressful--hell, all--situations. In my job, those days are "working days" for the kids so that I just assess them and limit my interaction with them. I recognize the symptoms and control what I can, knowing that my mind and body aren't necessarily going to cooperate with me.

The problem is that PMS is not always just an excuse for bad behavior. It's literally hormones taking over your body which causes these kinds of reactions. Believe me, I don't like to be a mega bitch, or be impatient, or teary-eyed over missing the green light. It's awful. I put in bold the sentence with which I take issue because that "failure to change it" is often something that is simply not in our ability to change.

So, are you giving a "pass"? No. But my advice is just to stay away or limit your interaction during that time if your girl's PMS is that bothersome to you. Let her know, gently, when she's crossed the line, gotten out of control, become too emotional and maybe that will help her remove herself or keep herself in check. But do understand that it's not always the intention of the girl to be a cunt, sometimes it's just simple biology. There is no logic to it. Maybe if you put it in those terms, you'll be a little more forgiving.

 

This is a complicated answer.

I've had successful anal sex before; that is, my ex & I put his dick in my ass, I liked it, and I would've had an orgasm if he weren't a premature ejaculator who couldn't handle the exquisite tightness of my butt and came in < 2 minutes. I would've probably become more familiar with the process, thereby easing myself into regular buttsex, if he weren't a massive tool who ignorantly insisted that regular anal would make my asshole all loose and gross and stuff. So I've probably taken it in the ass 5-9 times successfully.

Intellectually, I know I can like buttsex. I've liked it once, I can like it again. But I went for 5+ years without getting it regularly, and it's not the sort of thing I'd want to do with a casual sex partner. I need to be able to control the rate of insertion, the thrusting, etc. for a while in the beginning in order for things to work smoothly.

I've tried it twice with The Dude. Both times were raging failures. He wanted to go too fast, I was too tense, I had to poop...it was not even close to fun for me. So we stopped. Now, whenever we try, I have this weird mental block thing going on and I can't do it. Before we'd tried unsuccessfully, I was allll about him rubbing my asshole, inserting a finger if he wanted to, whatever. Now? If he rubs my crack, I cringe. If he mentions it during dirty talk, I tune out or get turned off.

If I could get past the black, I'd try butt plugs. ATM is never okay, though.

/Your daily TMI overshare from Pinkcup



EDIT: Hey, why not add a whole bunch of PMS stuff to this post also? Sharing is caring.

There are myraid articles on the Internet about men who've had to take a fair amount of estrogen for one reason or another. I'm too lazy to look them up- you do the work. But-to a man- they've all marveled at the sudden lack of control they had over their emotions. Crying, easily hurt feelings, etc. were par for course. They walked away from the experience with a deeper empathy and understanding for what women go through every month. Do some reading...it might help.

It's biology. I have suicidal thoughts about 3 days per month. I cry a lot and I look 4 months pregnant and my fingers and ankles swell to ridiculous little phalanges-sausages. I eat everything and cry while I eat everything. I snarl at my cat for being an asshole, even though the other 27 days of the month I adore him for being that very same asshole. I come up with elaborate murder scenarios for people who use the "wrong tone" with me at the grocery store. I seriously contemplate going Chris McCandless, because no one loves me and I'm all alone and I hate my life and I hate my face and I hate my fingers and I hate everything about everyone and everything. And then.............I bleed. And everything is right in the world again. Seriously, everything is all better within minutes, it seems. I look forward to the painful cramps, because I know that the physical pain is very, very welcome subsitute for the emotional pain I've been experiencing.

I can't help the feelings. I'm 90% positive I'm allergic to manufactured hormones, so I deal with the crazy. All I can do is isolate myself from other people while I'm going through these things. If you insist on hanging out with me during this time, you accept the consequences of your choice. Choose wisely.

 

I send the GF dick shots all the time when she asks for them, which has been a few times. I'll send anyone I'm in a relationship with a shot of the ol' pecker, not like it does me any harm and I don't care if it gets out because it won't have my face in it.

 

For me at least the attraction is threefold:

1) The idea of unexplored territory. Most girls have sex, less girls have anal. Even though I know it's stupid on some level, I like the idea of being the first to the top of the mountain, so to speak. Even if I know I'm not the first, I can content myself with the thought that I'm probably one of the few to make the summit.
2) The idea that it's something unique you only do with special people. The times I've done it have either been with long term girlfriends, where there was trust and intimacy and all that, or long term fuck buddies, where we had a great deal of familiarity with each others bodies and wanted to experiment a little.
3) It's tight and warm, yet tangibly different from a vagina. Feels good and it's a nice change of pace every once in a while.

 

Yeah, I've never been way into it. Not sure I've ever initiated it the times it has happened, actually. I do see it as pretty high up there in terms of dominance play though (outside of really fucked up things, like, I don't know, putting someone in a cage and leaving them there for a while or something). I mean, getting penetrated vaginally seems like a pretty dominant thing even on its own. Getting penetrated in the ass has got to be a step up, no?

Funny, a female friend is telling me she'd rather have a penis in her butt than fingers, and for some reason is more grossed out by recently-assholed fingers touching her anywhere than she is by ATM, which "happens from time to time when it's really intense/passionate sex". This is...kinda weird, right?