The TIB guide to Men and Women

That might be it. Both of the women that I've hooked up with, I haven't been close to at all. I think they're great and like hanging out with them, but they aren't my friends at all - I don't really have any connection to them other than physically. And to be honest, I really was looking for that intimacy more than anything else. I'm not sure if this is a "feminine" trait, (not that I care) but I honestly enjoyed the cuddling and making out more than I enjoyed the sex.

It takes a while to finish, but I get hard relatively quickly.

I was completely on my own when it came to sex. My parents straight-up never talked about the subject; it was basically taboo in my household. My first exposure to sex? I was wondering why the hell I felt like rubbing myself and started reading my mom's college anatomy / physiology textbooks in the basement.

... I never thought that was weird until I actually typed that onto the screen. Now I feel like my childhood is going to end up as an episode of Criminal Minds.

 

The affect of your parents' avoidance of sex on you then? You looked to a textbook to explain a very visceral feeling. I don't think talking to someone about your ideas about would hurt. A better understanding of yourself is always a good thing.

 

You know that LOTS of girls have difficulty achieving orgasm right? And many girls find that they don't get sufficient lubrication without external sources? It happens to some guys - sex is just problematic. It's not a widely talked about thing - and it's not a super well understood thing - but it happens. A lot. A lot of gay guys who really enjoy sex don't easily achieve erections - they just bottom. Because it's such a fucked up thing for a hetero guy - most guys don't talk about it or struggle to work through it - but it still happens.

If you're on anti-depressants or other chronic condition medication - lots of them interfere with sexual function. Excessive drinking can interfere. Weight problems can interfere. Psychosomatic impairment (so headfucked about the whole thing that it becomes a 'thing' and you can't get there) and Stress can all cause problems.

For some guys it's fetish related. I absolutely know guys who cannot achieve an erection, much less an orgasm - unless women's underwear is involved in the sex somewhere.

Three of the guys I know with the most access to pussy (including the best looking guy I've ever seen in real life and two guys who have a constant line up of girls wanting to have sex with them), either are, or have been long term celibate. One is so headfucked about premature ejaculation that he just can't get it up most of the time. The other two have more involved stories but just made a decision to not go there.

It's difficult and shitty. But it happens. If you can't figure out a kink or a headspace thing you're not finding, and you don't think it's meds/drugs/alchohol/stress thing, your GP can probably run a general health check and refer you to a therapist or urologist for further investigation.

 

Honestly man, I know where you are comming from. A while back I went through a one year dry spell where I did nothing but jerk off. I seriously cranked it 7-10 times a week out of sheer boredom, so when I finally did bang a chick for the first time in a year I could barely keep it up and I couldn't finish. It went like this a few more times, I would take forever and the only way I finished was when I finished myself off on her. I asked around about why my body was doing this to me and I was told it was because my body was trained to orgasm with my rough vise-grip like hand jerking my dick to a blonde with fake tits getting fucked in the ass with two dicks at the same time.

Eventually though, I was able to finish in a girl's vagina without any other stimulation because I trained my body to orgasm when I was inside a nice warm wet tight hole opposed to a calloused hand.

And it is still a rare occasion when I orgasm when a woman is giving me a blow job, because there's little or no pressure on my dick at all, and I need that to bust.

Another big thing about being able to keep it up and orgasm is where you are at in your head. Especially if it's with some rando or your girlfriend and you're seeing each other naked for the first time, all I automatically think is am I grossing her out? Do my balls smell bad? Am I crushing her when I'm on top of her? Is she liking it? All that shit will really freak you out and throw you off your game so that's where you need to have incredable self-confidence.

Eventually you will be thinking that "I'm a fucking stallion, fuck what my balls smell like her pussy stinks anyways, I'm going to pound her until she can't walk and fuck her if she dosen't like it because I'm going to bust it all over her tits."

It helps if the woman you're with is confident enough with herself to say "fuck me cowboy, eeeh, I love it, give me more" etc. etc. because it will make you think you actually know what you're doing. Essentially your problem is all in your head, give it time and you'll get over it.

 

Ok, so, girl's perspective. I dated a guy just like this/had some medical things going on that meant sometimes it just wasn't going to happen, and (at least my two cents) there are a couple of things that I think can help. The first is, even if it's kind of just a random hookup, to talk about it.

I won't ever come from vaginal penetration, but I still enjoy it, so I tell anyone I'm hooking up with about that so that the guy isn't just thrusting away trying to get to some nonexistent finish line. Same goes for you--tell the girl "hey, sometimes it's hard for me to get hard/get off/I don't really find blowjobs enjoyable." Tell them that you'd love to engage in some heavy petting or whatever, and just see where it goes, but that no expectations should be involved on your end, and no matter what you'll do whatever you can to get them off.

With that conversation done, hopefully some of the pressure is off and you can just have some fun. In my experience, that has helped. The other thing you can do is decide just to focus on the girl--lots of foreplay, intent on fingering/going down on her and getting her off. Her pleasure will (most likely) turn you on a whole fucking lot, and even if you get nowhere, she'll have a great time.

My guess is that the more experience you have and the more connection you have with the person you're sleeping with the better this will get. This is also not that rare; I've slept with more than one person for whom this is true. Hopefully you're finding normal girls who understand that sex is not just an A to B kind of thing, and can be more complicated than our world generally makes it out to be.

(Hopefully this helps/is coherent. I'm kind of drunk.)

 

Do you find that guys then try "extra hard" to get you to orgasm? Like a total ego trip or to try and prove their manhood?

 

Ummm sometimes. And guys tend to do this thing where they say things like "Cum for me baby," repeatedly, but with no actual relation to when you are about to orgasm. Like, that might/would be hot if I were about to cum, but since I'm totally not, it's just fucking stressful.

Or, my least favorite, "No, baby, I won't cum until you do, so cum for me baby," which is just unfair, since I AM NOT GOING TO CUM LIKE THIS. Gentleman, do not do this to your ladies. We like having sex with you; we like turning you on, but don't put terrible pressure on us like that. There's nothing we can do about it. (I'm really easy to get off manually, but not via penetration, so I'll get mine whenever, and I'll just enjoy the fucking/make it as good for you as possible. But it ruins the fun for me if you put weird pressure on me--like, should I fake it? Do I have to say "Hon, that's just not going to happen" in the middle of sex? No fun.)

But in fairness, if you tell me that you've never orgasmed from a blowjob or whatever, I will try my hardest to change that, so I understand that impulse.

 

I read an article from a PUA in some forum once advocating the 'bird with a broken wing' approach. Approach a girl completely charming, confident, funny, and in the conversation let it slip that for some reason that you can get it up, but can't get off from some activity, like that you've never had an orgasm from a blowjob or whatever . I was always curious if it would work.

 

I suppose this is the same with when you are fucking for the first time with a new partner, I mean the effort a girl usually displays is nothing short of gold medal worthy and as the relationship develops it usually leads to missionary with lights out and her half asleep.

 

You know you can do both of those things at the same time, right? If the guy has the least bit of dexterity and even a rudimentary knowledge of female anatomy he can do it all himself. Just sayin'.

 

I'm not a PUA or anything, but I don't really like blowjobs that much. They're ok, but I'm more than fine without them.

Many women seem convinced they can prove differently. It really does work for me, only I don't really get any benefit out of it. I think that's irony.

Also, Omega, do you use a lot of pressure when you jerk off? That can definitely affect your ability to enjoy the more subtle sensations that come with a partner.

 

Wait. You mean telling girls you don't like blowjobs makes them want to give you blowjobs?!
<scribbles note to self>

 

Also contains a brief guide for women on men at the end.

 

This seems appropriate for this thread: Why do girls visit my profile (on okc), click like on it then never message me or respond to a message? It's perplexing.