There's a VAST difference between a 'nice guy' and a 'good man'. A nice guy will take you out to dinner, hold the door, know the good wine, and treat you well. There's no question of that. A nice guy knows what to say when you're sad, knows how to deflect the 'do I look fat in this?' question, and knows how to make you smile spontaneously. Those are all good things. But a good man? A good man knows how to do all of those things as well as be the guy you can count on, no matter what. He knows how to cup the back of your neck and pull you in for a kiss that leaves you weak in the knees. He knows how to roll over you in bed and give an impish smile and then proceed to go down on you so thoroughly and with such enthusiasm you can't imagine you'll ever be able to stand properly again. He knows how to let you have your fits of temper, but not let you walk all over him. A good man treats you well, and expects the same respect to be given him that he gives you. A good man leaves no question in your mind that even when shit hits the fan, he's going to be steadfast in working with you to make things better. Nice guys are great. Good men are so much better. edit: He could. There is a certain follow through and self confidence he'd have to develop first, but it could happen.
If you can't flirt, don't try, it'll come off cheesy and bad. A sincere compliment and introduction go a long way...then if she seems receptive, ask her to go to coffee or something sometime. Something casual. Goddammit. Nom's avatar is fucking with my brain.
Where are you meeting most of these girls? People are going to want to give you general advice, be yourself, simple simple simple, don't over think, etc and it's all true. Every bit of it, and you'll figure that out soon enough, but if you're wanting some practical advice on how to manage in the short term, you've got to give a little more info. Are you talking at bars? House parties? Supermarkets? In a classroom? Are you with friends? How does a normal conversation usually start with you? What are you worried about: embarrassment in front of friends? That girls will think you're creepy, download it into the Girl Database and every chick you ever talk to will know? Is it a closing thing, where you have polite conversation and just have no idea how to get a phone number, or make later plans, ie: how to ask a girl out? I'm being serious...let's talk about it.
I'll go ahead and share a lifetime's wisdom. Yes, they are generalizations, and feel free to target as the mood strikes you. Men play for today, Women play for tomorrow Men are concerned with the here and now. Am I getting laid RIGHT NOW? Am I hungry RIGHT NOW? Do I have to take a dump RIGHT NOW? Anything else? Well, it's all supposition, and I'll come to that later. Women are constantly playing for tomorrow. What's the next step in the relationship? What's the next thing I need to get done in order to be successful? How do I get from A to B? The difference is a temporal one. No more, no less. All men are assholes, all women are crazy Of course, this isn't strictly true, but since men are concerned with the here and now, many of our actions can be interpreted as self serving and selfish because we are seeking to fulfill a particular desire AT THIS MOMENT. Whereas women are seeking to fulfill some need THAT HAS NOT NECESSARILY ARISEN. Our actions strike women as fucking douchy, and women's actions strike us as pointless and non-responsive to the immediate moment. The truth is both viewpoints are exceedingly necessary in order for there to be successful outcomes. Like it or not, both sexes need each other for these viewpoints. Men crave substantive resolution, Women crave procedural resolution Get a bunch of men in the room discussing sports, there's a right or wrong answer. It doesn't matter how you get to it, but once it appears, all the guys nod their heads like 'yeah, the 2008 Phillies were one of the best teams in baseball.' For women? Nope, the answer is negligible, it's about respecting boundaries and hearing other people out. That matters more than the actual answer. And once again, you need both. One view doesn't get you there. Men are obsessed with sex, Women are obsessed with intimacy It's the same animal, just looked at from different ends. Men don't need intimacy to have sex, the act itself is the reward. For women, the act is the natural result of intimacy, which is really what they are seeking. Don't get me wrong, there are times when guys want to cuddle, and times when women want to fuck, but ultimately, one is a symptom and one is the disease to the other. I'm intimate with a women because we have sex. She has sex with me because we are intimate. I look forward to the day when both sexes fess up and say 'yeah, I don't get it, but somehow I know your viewpoint is necessary.' I guess we just become too entrenched in our own viewpoints sometimes to see the validity of differing ones.
Work, the lounge, a couple parties, the E-club, etc. I don't really go places with the intention of picking up women; I just happen to go out and get in conversations. But it never turns into genuine interest from the other side. Generally it's a funny observation about something going on. I'm actually not that bad at starting conversations. I'm generally too shy to outright say "Hi, my name is," but I seem to have a good sense of humor. I'm scared of rejection. It's not a rational fear. I think it's because I've lived for such a long time telling myself that I wasn't worth anything, (had pretty bad depression through middle and high school) and that I'm scared of someone else affirming that. It's one thing to say "You're your own worst critic" and manage to ignore the little voice in your head that keeps nagging you; it's another thing entirely to go up, give a girl your best, and have her say "Nope, not interested." It hurts no matter who you are, but it's magnified for me because I don't have ANY positive experience, and I have nothing else to fall back on. A normal person can get rejected and say "Well I'm not a complete piece of garbage, I've gotten girls before, I'll just go find another one." I don't have that, so the little voice in my head says "Well, what did you expect?" It's not nervousness, it's not embarrassment, it's not anticipation. It's genuine fear, the kind that you get when you see someone walking toward you with a tire iron with murder in their eye. I'll decide I want to ask a girl out, and blood will rush to my face and cold sweat will start going down the back of my ear. The closest I can come to describe it is the fear of getting into a fight and getting completely fucked up, because that's what it is, except emotionally. I have no way to take it any way other than personally. I know rationally that girls aren't looking to tell me that I'm worthless; they have no idea what's going on in my head. They might be having a bad day, they might have a boyfriend, they might just not be looking for a relationship. But to me, "No" means "No, and why the fuck did you ask?"
You need more booze my friend. They don't call it liquid courage for nothing. It gives you boisterous confidence and an amazing ability to ignore all criticism and rejection. Even if she says no she really means yes. Booze is the answer.
I have to get completely staggering drunk before I stop caring about what other people think. I actually get even more self-conscious when I drink, because I know that I'll say stupid shit. People love drinking with me, though. They think it's hilarious that someone who is so standoffish will drink and get more and more quiet... and then suddenly fall off the cliff and say whatever the hell comes to mind. I know that they're laughing at me, but I guess I'll take what I can get.
You need to find something you love, learn to excel at it, and develop the awareness that you're not as bad as you could be.
If you're this fucked up, you need to go get some professional help. This isn't normal, so don't expect "normal" advice to work.
Yeah, so...not what I expected him to respond with. Think I'm going to bow out of this one, I've done enough harm. Maybe next time I can ask someone who was molested as a child how they feel about body oils and locked doors. Yeesh.
As for girls and "bad guys" what's the fucking logic behind "I could be the one to tame him"? My buddy used his bad boy/womanizer image to almost universal success, even bragging about his cheating ways if it fit the situation. To be fair he has about 99% of the things girls are interested in good looks, got his shit together with his life, can be one of the most loyal genuine friends to anyone, etc. Yet when it came to girls he has dated his high school sweet heart forever. Being as good with girls as he was he'd just conjure up some bullshit reason to break up with her for two weeks to bang a girl out or just straight up cheat on her. Basically dude had every angle covered. If the girls were too mature for the bad boy shit theyd still be enticed by his seemingly good nature but would still put up with the drama that arises when you are with a dude that will serial cheat on his long term girlfriend. I don't know how genuine how was when he was with these other girls and maybe he thought they could be long term things and the girls thought so too. But his cycle was so fucking clear and defined it be hard not to have in the back of your head if you were one of the girls that thought you could tame him. And none of them ever lasted more than a month at best. Ive only gotten two responses on why girls still would deal with the guy anyways, "I could be the one to tame him" or "Uggh well maybe did you ever think girls just like to fuck guys they are attracted to and don't care about a relationship?!?!" The latter being kind of a funny defensive answer sinse Id say half a dozen or so of the girls he's banged out are still in our groups of friends and EVERY SINGLE ONE still hoped for a relationship (and probably still do even though he is engaged to his high school sweetheart now).
I had a pretty normal, albeit sheltered childhood (of my own doing. I didn't get out much). My parents are still together, and they never did anything bad. They're still wondering where they went wrong.
Reasons why horses are better than men: -Horses are faithful companions. -Horses don't worry about the size of your tits. -Horses enjoy swimming, and not for the chance to stare at girls in bikinis. - You can train a horse in obedience. - A horse will never call you a bitch. -A girl can live with more than one horse, without rumors starting. -Horses don't lie. -The only reason a horse wants to get into your pants is to see if there are carrots in your pockets. Sorry, had to put my horsey cents in.
Something I have noticed about the girl wanting to "tame" a bad boy is that they will generally be disappointed in their lack of success. Even if it doesn't apply to the bad boy thing. There was a girl I dated a few years ago when I lived in Florida. She was interested in me, but I was interested in sex. She knew this. She agreed to a FWB situation. I probably should never have agreed to it knowing how she really felt but she swore it was cool. After a couple months, she was noticeably trying to be more girlfriend-like than I was comfortable with and I decided to cut it off. Well holy shit. She accused me of using her for sex when that was what was previously agreed upon. She told me that she hoped I would come around and develop more serious feelings. Nope. She basically wanted me to change. She would never change me. She thought she could. Lots of women do this. If someone is going to change, they will do it when they feel they need to. My 2 cents.
I think they were asking why horses are awesome, not why horses are better than the guys you've dated. Project much, ladies? What's that? I should shut the fuck up? Okay!
Quit looking at it that way. You are spending way more time analyzing your past and trying to figure out WHY you are the way you are; concentrate on doing what you want to accomplish. What happens when I say "don't think of a pink elephant"? Right. You think of a pink elephant. Don't concentrate on NOT doing something, concentrate on what it is you want to do, and do it. The more you fixate on bad shit, or the past, the less likely you'll be successful in changing it. For example, we had a crew chief on my race team that would send the drivers out with a "Don't hit shit" message taped to the dash. All that did was make the drivers self-conscious about doing shit that might get them hit, or hit something, and took them out of the game. Since then, we've taped inspirational GOALS to the dash, like "qualify at a 1:15.4", and they focus on that, and succeed. In most cases, they excel past the goals. (Which is intentional on our part, as part of building them up as a driver). Same deal here with you. We're all wired the same way, for the most part... don't short circuit yourself. Go out with a REALISTIC goal, like that of talking to a girl. Just one girl, just to say hello, and strike up a conversation. No "I want to get laid" overtones, no phone numbers, just a simple congenial "hello". Then go do it again. And again. The more you do it, the easier it will become. It takes time and practice, but it'll get easier. Also go find something challenging to do, and accomplish, that will improve your self-esteem. Doesn't have to be rock climbing or anything; maybe take a welding class, or some other thing where you can build shit. Creating things is huge for self esteem; music, photography, woodworking, doesn't matter. Add to the world, and improve yourself at the same time. Combine the two, and you'll get better at it. And it's a whole lot of iteration before it really pays off.
Yeah, some girls go after bad boys, but what about all the guys out there who turn into Captain Save A Ho? I've watched several guy friends put up with the antics and drama of crazy bitches for months, and sometimes years, at a time. I don't think that's a girl thing. That's a "I'm a Person With Issues and I'm Loving the Co-Dependence of This Fucked Up Relationship" thing.
This isn't particular to women in the slightest. I know plenty of guys whose instinct to be the protector/provider have led them to getting a attched to women who were absolute train wrecks that needed to be supported financially/emotionally/domestically. It's the same thing as the women who think they can change the asshole.