Wait. Are we not supposed to be thinking with our lady-dicks? Because I approach sexual encounters like a hedonist. If it feels good, I do it. This approach has led to some great, meaningful relationships.
I just appreciated the fact that it was Jorma Taccone who is hilarious and usually plays the nerdiest characters.
The whole buildup of the last three episodes has been to show that she's completely dissatisfied with her relationship. He was the sweet college boyfriend, but it's gone on for four years now. She wants someone decisive and, well, a bit more brutish and her BF responds in the worst possible way; by getting even nicer. Imagine that she didn't have the boyfriend, if you want. That scene was great. Some guy read her cues (that she liked him), honoured her request (not to kiss her) and completely took charge.
That's kinda my point. It's a fantasy. In fact its the same fantasy from twilight. And if all you're after is fantasy that's fine, but the second you begin to think that that's who that, or any guy, is, or that that dynamic is sustainable or desirable over any significant length of time, you're either wrong or severely emotionally stunted. That guy is for women what strippers are for men: exciting and tittilating as long as you don't break the fourth wall or look too closely at their drug problem.
I'll disagree. I know quite a few guys that act that way all the time, and it is 100% not an act. And they aren't druggies or women beaters or whatever... they are just hyper-confident. And the ones I know earned that confidence, so nobody begrudges them for it. That said, the show is really, really stupid.
It's refreshing to see that kind of confidence, because most men are totally unsure if they should even make a move.
Yep, it's a learned response. Most men are afraid of getting rejected, because women reject most men 98.5% of the time when they make confident advances. Women are attracted to determination, rather than confidence. In my experience, very good looking guys who are also confident tend to turn off women ("gosh, he knows he's hot") and women would rather they be sort of shy ("he's hot, but he's SO cute too!"). Average looking guys who are confident are demonstrating sheer force of will or, more commonly, a lack of empathy towards women. Women interpret that as "he must do really well with OTHER women, so I should give him a chance."
Mmm, I think what attracts women (at least, in this context that we're talking about: pure sexual attraction) is the right combination of "charming," and "doesn't give a shit if I live or die." A guy who can talk slick and flirt and honestly doesn't care if you're interested or not is like catnip.
They all care if you are interested; otherwise, men wouldn't be talking to you. What they don't care about is what you think, say, or feel.
Do they, though? Probably a great example would have been Tucker Max in his heyday of whoring around. Imagine Max as the artist guy in that scene we're talking about. Now, tell me if he really gives a shit if she's interested, or if he doesn't even remember they spoke five minutes after he leaves. He knows there's about a million other women around and that he'll have his pick of who he wants.
They do, until you show that you aren't interested. Then, they don't. Your belief in the origins of a man's confidence only proves the validity of the social illusion. The number of guys who legitimately believe that talking to a pretty girl doesn't matter because he can just swoop in and grab another girl is very, very small. Most have just steeled themselves to rejection, generally by disassociating themselves with random women emotionally and intellectually. Max is a bad example because he's famous. And moderately sociopathic.
I don't know why I think of this as a particularly Tibbette Thread-y problem, but I'm putting it here anyway. There's this annoyance that I've been internalizing for about a month now, and I just want to get an outside opinion on it. My roommate has been primarily dating this one guy for a while now, but they aren't officially "in a relationship." He comes over pretty often, but about a month ago she started letting him stay at the apartment when she needed to go out for a little bit (which didn't bother me) and then started asking us to let him in when he was going to be getting to our place hours before she was going to be getting home. It has been making me pretty uncomfortable ever since, but I can't exactly put my finger on why. I mean, I know some reasons. One, I don't really understand why it's necessary - why can't he just plan to get here when she's actually here? Why does he need to be here without her? Two, because there's a part of me that's bothered by thinking that this guy is just taking advantage of my friend. She told me at some point half-jokingly that she thinks he's using her for her internet because he doesn't have any, and it confirmed this suspicion that I had that part of the reason he's into their whole thing is to use our apartment and be fed by her. It's frustrating because I just watched her giving spirit (couldn't think of a less nauseating term, sorry) get taken advantage of by another guy, who asked her to loan him $100 because he was kicked out of this weird squatting-esque situation he was living in (at 30 years old) and she readily gave it to him even though he had been hiding the fact that he had children and could've been in a relationship with their mother (i.e giving her no reason to trust him), and then was so surprised when he completely disappeared afterwards. But I know this is primarily selfishly motivated, I just can't figure out why. It's not the classic situation of having a roommate's boyfriend basically move in but not help pay for anything, since he's not here often enough for that (yet). It's not like having him here makes me feel unsafe, even though from what I know of the guy I'm not a huge fan of him and I don't exactly trust her judgment in men - see above story. We've had long-term guests before where I didn't mind them being around without whichever one of us was their host. It's just being bothered by this principle of the matter that this guy doesn't get to use our apartment whenever he feels like it, but since I can't exactly explain why that annoys me it makes me doubt that it's worth being annoyed over in the first place. I brought it up with my other roommate, and he says he understands and agrees that it's weird but he doesn't think there's really anything we can do about it. And I don't want to bring it up with her when I don't have a more refined argument than "Because I said so!" which will just start an issue between us that can't be solved. I also feel it should be noted that with the guy who asked for the $100, she brought him up to our hometown and let him stay in her mom's house while she went to work. When her mom came home to him in it without being warned, she was really pissed and they got into a huge fight over it. This happened right before my friend moved into my apartment, and when she told me the story with the point of view that she was so shocked at her mom's reaction, I said that I actually understood where her mom was coming from and "for the record, I wouldn't be okay with something like that happening with the apartment." So it wouldn't be a surprise that I'm not a fan of situations like these. (This isn't to say that I think she's doing this despite knowing I'm uncomfortable with it. I'm sure she's oblivious to it potentially being an issue.) So, what I'm asking is: Is this something I should/can be annoyed about, or am I overreacting to a nonissue? If it is a legitimate problem, what if anything can be done about it?
My take, and I'm an old housewife that hasn't lived with roommates in 20+ years: yes, you should be annoyed/bothered/unhappy about this...without really being asked, you're having to place trust with someone that hasn't earned your trust. Sounds like you and your roommates don't have a shared understanding on your policy towards chaperone-less guests...time to have one. House meeting with roommates on the issue based on your discomfort with the BF and the issue that this type of situation will likely come up again in the future...come out of it with a very clear understanding of what the policy is, and then you can either live w/ the policy or find another living situation. Trust your gut. In my experience, any time I've left bothersome things unaddressed, it's bitten me in the ass somehow, at some later point.
AM, I don't trust ANYONE that hasn't been properly vetted to even enter my house, let alone stay there. Your roommate is seriously violating your trust by her actions.
Is this the same guy she fucked on the roof at the last meetup? It really doesn't matter: Unless he has a really shitty living situation that prevents him from feeling safe/secure at home, he has no reason to be chilling at your place sans his ladyfriend (your roommate). I was just curious, that's all.
Agreed. Don't we have a Pop Culture board to talk about tv shows? Can we toss the tv talk and get back to the chick stuff now? That said, AudreyMonroe, I had a sorta similar situation in college. We have those butterfly, uneasy feeling for a reason and they're almost 100% correct. When my roommate was bringing over a girl (sigh), I was pissed. Same sort of thing--the girl was using my roommate for certain amenities and was just a leech. I didn't feel it was really my place to say anything until I started to find the girl in our room when neither I nor my roommate were there. The final straw was when I realized that my roommate was leaving our dorm room door unlocked all day so this chick could come and go as she pleased. No fucking way was I going to let my giant Bob Marley poster and Billy Joel's Greatest Hits CD get stolen because this nimrod didn't feel like walking cross campus to her home. Fuck that. Turns out, the random chick did end up stealing from my roommate and it ended very very badly. I was glad I stuck up for myself and trusted my instincts. That's not to say your roommate's man is going to steal from you. But there's definitely something wrong and you should certainly express your uncomfortable feelings. Those butterflies might simply be because you don't want to see someone you care about get hurt but it might be bigger than that. I wouldn't want to find out, doll.
I agree with what everyone else has said. He shouldn't be there without his ladyfriend escort. Your apartment is not his home, and he shouldn't be allowed to just hang around as if it were. It's not fair for her to put you in this position.
You guys are the best. Here's a gif as a token of my gratitude: Edit: Boo, there were supposed to be four panels there. Here's my favorite:
Sorta. The behaviour being described is catnip for a lot of women. And a lot of BDSM activity plays on that, especially male dominant stuff. 50 Shades of Grey is basically a massively successful porno trilogy based entirely on that interaction. Staci Newmahr has an interesting line on how that reality works out Guys, most decent guys at least, who explore that kind of dominant chick candy behavior in a kink/bdsm sense mostly live in that liminal space between playing the role and reality. I'm sure there are guys out there with that kind of epic confidence. But most guys realize that they're human. They just play the role because it's fun for everyone involved. And for every guy out there with that kind of insane confidence that they've earned and deserve.... there are a hundred guys too stupid to know fear. I love not having roommates. If I had a roommate who asked me to let someone into the house, who I didn't know, when they weren't home, just so that person could hang? I'd probably just say no. They can hang at the cafe on the corner until the roommate gets home or something. Not my guest, not my friend, not my problem. what you can't see is where the Koala gets slightly frightened, rips giant holes in that guys leg and pisses pure eucalyptus oil and hate into the wounds. Those cute claws? They're made for dragging a furry little bastard's fat ass up a tree and holding on during a hurricane.