Comment #1: For having what is probably one of the best bodies out there, why does Jessica Biel always look so hideous? She has got to know what looks great on her, but never wears anything that flatters. What is up with the hemline...I just don't get it. And her hair isn't cute either. Comment #2: I don't know if I am supposed to love or hate Nina Dobrev's dress, but it is just so over the top glamorous and all sorts of las vegas showgirl glamour that I absolutely love it. Even if it means that little people have to follow her around and straighten out her train and she can't actually move.
I liked Nina Dobrev's dress. And even though I wasn't a huge fan of her dress, I was a huge fan that Amy Poehler was there in the first place. I think Camilla Belle looked the best. I liked that Anna Wintour's look had a sense of humor. Out of all the Schiaparelli bits she could've paid homage to, I was surprised it was a lobster: Elizabeth Banks had my biggest Sassy Gay Friend moment. What, what, what are you doing? How shocking, this couple looked good: I'm secretly a really big fan of Ivanka Trump. I thought she looked fly:
Unpopular literary opinion here: I just finished the Shades of Grey trilogy. What. A. Heap. Of. Crap. It's Twilight. Without sparkles. With sex. That's it. Same stupid mousy low self esteem having female lead. Same overbearing control freak insecure male. Insert sex. Take away sparkles. LOOK! It's "adult" literature. I wish I could resell digital copies. Lame.
It's hysterically funny seeing my facebook wall littered with, "This book is so good! I'd love to find my own Mr. Grey. giggle giggle." I looked over about half a chapter before I got annoyed at the 13 mentions of lip biting. What's the biggest disappointment is the lack of acknowledgement of women like Anais Nin who could write circles around this e-book piece of trash.
I bought the first book. I haven't been able to choke through it yet. It's so hilariously bad. I desperately want them to make a movie version though. The influx of women desperate for a smoldering dominant man in the fetish scene will be awesome, and the internet slap fights over it will be fantastic.
It's seems like Twilight because it started out as Twilight fan fiction. She just changed the names and published it as an eBook. Also, I apologize for being a terrible judge of literature, but I enjoyed the Twilight books. I am fully aware that it is crap. The main character was written so that teenage girls and lonely housewives could transfer themselves into Bella's place. Edward is an emotional abuser. It probably exemplifies everything that is wrong with the Mormon church. Bella is a horrible role model for young girls. All the other reasons. I am aware of these. But I was obsessed with those books. I could not put them down. I wore out my copy of the first movie. Please don't judge me.
<a class="postlink" href="http://theoatmeal.com/story/twilight" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://theoatmeal.com/story/twilight</a> Christian Gray is basically a werepig. The Oatmeal is truth.
I read the whole Grey trilogy, and at the risk of being pegged as a Connecticut soccer mom, that shit was hot in certain places. Who doesn't sometimes fantasize about being an innocent girl corrupted by a sexual predator in a dungeon somewhere? Don't lie. You can skip all the non-sex nonsense because you can basically insert any other bad romance in there. Also, skip book 3 altogether. I think I enjoyed it mainly because now I can talk about dom/sub shit with normal friends without seeming like a collarme.com infatuant. Which, you know, isn't always a bad thing.
Someone called me on my 'choke through it' comment, as if I was exagerating how terrible the book is. Allow me to share some actual extracts from the text in question - Those are some of the most popular quotes from the 50 shades trilogy, verbatim as they appear in the published works. I like BDSM porn - and some of what's described could well have been hot, if it was better written. But that shit is fucking terrible. I picked those quotes out of a popular 50 shades quote list contributed and voted for by fans - for some more truly nauseating examples of how bad the writing is, check out - <a class="postlink" href="http://50shadesofsuck.tumblr.com/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://50shadesofsuck.tumblr.com/</a>
Was it here that we were talking about this book already? And someone mentioned that their biggest problem with the book was not the terrible writing or the (let's-be-honest) vanilla BDSM. Their big problem with the book was that the Dom's needs were never addressed and when it was convenient for the plot, they were brushed aside. Someone who identifies as a masochist and a dominant has usually taken some time and self-exploration to learn that about themselves. A guy who has a dungeon and whips and collars isn't going to meet some green chick and like *that* have all his sexual proclivities and desires disappear. I suppose it's okay for someone who's never been introduced to risque sex in any way, shape or form (so, yeah...teenagers and soccer moms), but it bugs me when a bad book gets all the press for a specific lifestyle.
In Mary Gaitskill's Bad Behavior - the short story Secretary that the movie is based on is even more dysfunctional than the movie characters. The narrator is a damaged, broken person and the lawyer is fucking bags of nuts. Spoilered for being kind of epic long - this is the best extract I could find online, and is a pretty good example of how unhealthy the dynamic between the characters is in the original book. But at least it's well written. It's meant to be uncomfortable and an examination of what it is to be broken and finding something in this space. Spoiler Lots of people criticized the movie for casting BDSM as such a fucked up thing - but the reality is that it toned down the book dysfunction a lot - and a lot of people rubbed one out while watching or remembering the movie and a fair number of them went on to find pretty healthy BDSM explorations. I'd prefer if something like 'Preaching to the Perverted' was the BDSM work that was getting all the press and traction. But I don't think the fuck tarded way this book approaches the topic will actually be all that bad. Hilarious and tragic in an internet slap fights sort of way, but not actually damaging to most people exploring kink with genuine interest after reading/seeing something about 50 shades.
None of these are actually about BDSM, which leads me to believe the majority of people who read this book read it to fill the gaping hole Twilight left in their soul's vagina with similar romance. Scootah, it's up to you. Write a better BDSM ladypornobook!
Me. I mean, I definitely think about sex with a sexual predator in a dungeon somewhere. Always as myself, though. Not as some ingenue who needs "corrupting." I have a hard time identifying with this "innocent girl" persona that seems to dominate the popular literotica market. I watched 1 Guy, 1 Cup while I was eating a BLT and I kept eating the BLT. Like, didn't even break chewing rhythm. I think that stage of life for me is done, boxed up, and shipped off. Also, Scootah, I love you for posting those excerpts. WHAT. This is seriously crap. I don't know if I believe in an "inner goddess" or whatever (if I had one, she'd be a BBW curled up in a cobwebby corner of my soul eating Fritos and farting at my insecurities) but I sure as fuck have a problem with the goddess-begging-on-her-knees thing. So...lame. And wrong. And misguided. The misuse of "goddess" here actually makes me pissy. Bad word choice. This conjures up the image of a man making a punching motion with his clenched fist--for me, at least. I swear I'm not an asshole, but this line right here? Makes me want the main character to leave him ASAP. I can't even pretend to be romantically moved by this line because I'm overcome with the urge to troll this dude. It doesn't put me in a sexy mood. I'm willing to change my mind if someone else can present better excerpts/reasons this book isn't a total suck, but I think I can safely say that this isn't something that will appeal to me at all. In fact, it's mostly a turn-off at this point.
My overwhelming urge toward both of the primary characters is to bitch slap both of them and tell him to stop being such a dick or stop being such a whining pussy, and tell her to grow the fuck up. On a side note, it's mean to make fun of someone's appearance. But do a google image search for E. L. James, the author of 50 shades, and keep in mind that she's a former TV Exec (srsly) - so her outfits and makeup are well chosen for her public appearances. She still looks like an ugly middle aged dude in a frock in most of her photos. There are some old 'racy' photos of her in a glamour studio posing at terrible angles with tacky props. Circulating those photos is just fucking cruel. Like the jackals at their worst back on the RMMB would probably have hesitated before circulating those photos, because it was just mean and unnecessary. They're that bad. Her husband is a Screen Writer who actually has some decent chops like 8 episodes of wire in the blood and was presumably far, far too busy to proof read her books, which is a bit strange since he's written 14 episodes of a pretty mediocre show in the last 5 years. And this kind of makes me nauseous, but Time listed her as one of the 100 most influential people of 2012. Without any apparent sense or irony, and they somehow managed to not succumb the urge to give up their work in publishing from despair. The ones I really feel sorry for in this, apart from her readers, are her two teenage sons as well, who presumably go to some west London high school, where every single one of their peers knows that their mom writes god awful slashfic S&M porn. Those poor kids. Thank fuck they'll have a shitload of money for therapy.
Pinkcup how did you not repost the greatest line? How, praytell, does one "take no prisoners?" Does he force his tongue into your mouth and then shoot all of your teeth?
The thought of reading any of those books made me cringe. Now I feel like I need to read at least the first one, just out of morbid curiosity.
Wow, scootah wasn't lying about the chick looking like a dude: Now I have to see these glamour shots.