This. I can successfully get a smokey eye with a pencil, but gel is the way to go if you want more of the "cat eye" look. And I really need to rep more people so I can finish thanking all of the topless men here. A few more, maybe I'll actually get out the bikini my ex wouldn't let me wear in public because of my tendency to fall out of the top.
Hi all, Some of you may have seen my recent post in the rant/rave thread. I was wondering if any of the TiBettes here would mind giving me their opinion on the matter(I'd figured I'd ask before potentially boring everyone)? I think I could use a woman's perspective on this, as I'm doing everything in my power to fix this.
Last R&R I saw, you said you were potentially splitting from your fiance, with whom you have a child? Are there more details?
Agreed, that was the plan. I was going to PM anyone who was interested, I just didn't want that much personal stuff on a thread(or hijack the thread with my drama).
Split this thread. There is now a permanent TiBers thread, and all the lovely, lovely pictures can go there. Dieformetal, if you'd be willing to repost your question with a bit more info, maybe some of the ladies (or guys) who've gone through custody battles can help you out.
Custody battles are nasty. I've been through a hellacious one during my second marriage. The thing is, you can't be emotional...and what seems RIGHT with custody does NOT necessarily fall in line with what is LEGAL. PM me if you'd like.
Yeah metal, I've got some experience with this, and I know quite a few other people who have gone through the same thing. So more details would be good.
Thanks for the offers everyone, but as I PMed some earlier, the extent of the problem has changed drastically since my last post in this thread; before I was trying to figure out her perspective/figure out what I was doing wrong/trying to figure out why everything I was trying wasn't working, in an attempt to save the relationship/family. Since the last post, I found out she was cheating on me. Obviously there's no saving the relationship at this point. Let's see, the extremely short version: Since that was found out, I have given her to the end of the month to get her shit and get out(everything house-wise is in my name. The only reason I didn't flat out kick her ass out on the spot is because she's the mother of my child). This has made my home life EXTREMELY awkward. We aren't married(just engaged, thank christ), and right now the plan is to split the week up child-wise and alternate Sundays, but I do not trust this woman AT ALL at this point so I'm a bit concerned about that. It would not surprise me at all if she is flat-out lying to me to her parents/recent boy toy/anyone who will listen. Hell, for all I know, she could have a dummy account on here. Im looking up NC statutes at this point while still trying to spend time with the daughter and finish up summer school, so to say its been stressful is a gross understatement. I'm not entirely sure there was a question in there, but that's the situation at this point.
Given my experience, which has been on the male side, lawyer up or get a legal agreement quickly, before she finds out that typically women have all the rights. Get an agreement in place and avoid massive fights and legal fees. The stories I know are sick.
I really don't want to get in a flame war about custody rights, but women do not typically have "all the rights." From what I understand, the child-rearing "rights" usually get primarily awarded to the stay-at-home partner. We've all grown up in a world where this is socially encouraged as a viable lifestyle for women and actively discouraged as a viable lifestyle for men, so it's no shocker that women are more likely to choose the profession of homemaker. And--as a logical conclusion of that lifestyle choice--it's no shocker that primary custody gets awarded to women. But it's not their gender that makes this possible; it is the pervasiveness of the perception that stay-at-home parent= best parent. I know of several high-achieving women who are currently in bitter, bitter custody battles with their stay-at-home spouses. My "favorite" one (I don't mean that I actually like this, just that it proves my point above) is a Belgian-born doctor who owns her own practice and is trying to divorce her husband. Her husband who drained her bank accounts and quit paying bills for months on end to have a membership at over 300+ porn sites (that she's aware of right now). The same husband who had a hard drive full of child porn (that he took a hammer to before the police could arrive and take it into evidence). The same husband who sexually molested his own daughter. Even with multitudes of psychologists telling their judge that he is most DEFINITELY an offender, has most DEFINITELY done something sexual to his daughter, and forensic accountants proving that he is most DEFINITELY not capable of being financially responsible for children with all of his membership obligations...the judge still awarded him primary custody. Because he didn't want to "disrupt the family routine." Family court is fucked in half.
I agree that family court is the most fucked up of all the courts because people will do or say anything to get what they want. I also think your example is a very special one and atypical of the nature of most custody battles. Trying to determine the more fit parent is generally a very grey area whereas the situation you described seems very black and white, to me at least. I mean, that motherfucker should be laid to rest after a brutal and embarrassing public beating and execution let alone have a fighting chance at gaining custody of a child. I've sat in the courtroom watching custody battles before and from what I observed, the woman was completely unable to be civil during the entire proceeding while the man was just trying to get a word in for his own defense. It was fucked up and unfair. It was closer to something you'd see on judge Judy than in real life. The man was crying because she was trying to leave the state with the kids just to keep them all to herself. She didn't have work or anything where she wanted to go. That's also just one example. But goddamn did it make me never want to get married.
I don't understand what is atypical about the situation I described, other than the fact that the stay-at-home partner was a man instead of a woman. If you go to any MRA forum on the internet, you can read myriad stories about how some "bitch wife" with "stupid and abusive tendencies" got full custody even though it was "obvious" that she was just "trying to get back at her husband." But that's the dominant narrative, and I don't feel like it warrants further discussion because a) those jackasses aren't credible narrators, and b) it goes both ways. I agree that--in that instance--the husband is unfit to parent. But I shared that story (and honestly, she wouldn't mind...I mean, I didn't ask her, but she isn't shy about telling everyone about what what a shitbag Lenny is) in order to reinforce a larger point: Barring any obvious issues that would make one an unfit parent--and sometimes, even including obvious isues that would make one an unfit parent--preference is given to the stay-at-home parent in custody cases, regardless of the sex of the stay-at-home parent.
Have a plan all you want. Get it in writing. Without it written down and signed off on by a judge, you're not going to ever be able to enforce it. Women don't have all the rights, but being the person who initiates is best, and...when you do, ask for the most as is reasonably possible...but stress that you're open to compromise and that co-parenting is of utmost importance to you.
I would also, from this moment on, document everything. Save every email, every text. If you two mutually agree on something, send her an email right away that says something like, "Just confirming that, as we discussed on [date], we agreed to blah blah blah." She may well be painting a very different picture than what exists in reality, and you don't want to give her the opporunity to lie so that she looks like the more responsible parent in the eyes of the law. Also, you may now not ever lose your temper or patience until this whole thing is settled. Rest assured that the first time you fire off a "fuck you" text, it'll rear its head in court.
Document everything. Every minute and dollar you spend on your child vs what she does. And like DCC said, expect her to do the same. Get any agreements in writing. And be specific. Dates. Times. Amounts. Everything. Consider everything that happened before today to be the past...it doesnt matter. Not who did what to whom, or what somebody might have said. It's irrelevant. From this day on, it's about protecting your child and yourself.
Regarding agreements... Whatever you agree to - you better by damn come through with it. Every bit of it. Receipts for anything you buy your child that shows support, times spent with her, etc. If you make an effort, and it's blocked or not allowed, have a record of making that effort. It doesn't sound like the situation will be easy and nonconfrontational - so be prepared. Find a raging bitch female attorney...they've been, in my experience, more useful in family court cases than a male attorney.