Im not buying the whole "had zero sexual tension" thing. I have a lot of female friends and girlfriends of my male friends that I have "zero sexual tension" with and have spent time alone with them on various occasions without incident. Randomly hooking up just isn't even remotely in the deck of cards. You had sexual tension and you fucked up and feel guilty about it. Things happen, don't try and bullshit.
Re: Re: The TiBette Thread Good lord, judge much? He was drunk and she jumped him. I don't know about you, but I've done a lot of shit in my youth hammered that I would've never done sober. And of course he's conflicted. He's known her for a long time and out of the blue this happens. But hey, let's just assume that the worst is going to occur. What a bunch of judgemental assholes. This is about as bad as that "Would you cheat if you could" thread.
So if one of your buddies had made out with your GF (and vice versa) and were going to plan when they're going to fuck because that night they couldn't pull it off because you stayed up all night you're ok with that? Good to know.
Going only by what we know, if she jumped him then I'd break up with her. He has done nothing past that point and, again since all the info we have is from him, he isn't planning on pursuing anything with her. So why are all you all up in arms about how he's going to try to fuck her and what not? They made plans in the heat of the moment, again while intoxicated. Plans that seem to have been abandoned. Young people are idiots, drunk young people are worse. Oh no, a drunk young man made out with an attractive girl who initiated contact. To the gallows. Get off your fucking soapbox. To GC: If it's bothering you that much, then you need to talk to them. Yesterday. I don't know who you were friends with first (in these situations you are usually friends with one person and only become friends with the SO because they are dating your friend), but you need to reach out to that person.
I've been in his shoes, and it's not that easy to take the high road when you're put in that situation, especially when you're a young, drunk, horny bastard. A few of you need to get down off your God damned high horses. He didn't fuck her, realized he made a mistake and is still a bit confused. Give him some helpful advice instead of the whole "Yer lucky you didn't get yer ass kicked!" bullshit. Mr. Cocks: I don't really care if there was sexual tension on your end or not, it doesn't really matter at this point. What I can tell you though, is that she definitely has been feeling some sexual tension, probably for some time now, but you were completely oblivious to it. That's why you were so caught off guard by the whole situation. You'll get better at picking up on shit like that as you get older , so don't worry about that. What you need to do is stay far, far way from situations like this. The risk is never worth the reward, and you'll lose friends every time. This time you got away with it (so far) without causing any huge damage, so consider it a lesson and your get out of jail free card. You can still be friends with this girl, but you need to make sure that she understands that shit like this ain't gonna fly unless you're both single, and that's just the way it is. After you have that discussion with her you need to both file the experience under "Shit I shouldn't have done" and move on.
First of all thanks for everyones posts. Even those of you who want to burn me at the stake. I need opinions from all over since I obviously can't go seek it out from people I know. To fill things in -i know that what has already happened was horrible and that anything else makes me judas -i am generally just confused about why it happened, we could have done this so many times. Why now? -i knew her first -we will not talk about this. We just won't, that's how you get caught and we both know that. So this will be hanging in the air until they visit in October -i am very conflicted because I would like to think I'm a good person so it ends here. Problem is we could easily pull it off, and if she jumps me like that again I may crack because the preview was awesome -keeping myself out of this situation may mean never being in the room with her alone again. Since we both lean on each other for personal advice (things that you don't want ANYONE to know about) which would make it logistically impossible to continue our friendship the same -im not the first dude that she has cheated with. Which gives that little devil on my shoulder some more ammo -our friendship is not going to change regardless. This is small potatos to other shit we've been through -feel free to start a "ask a man who is being plauged by karma for judging others morals only to be given a situation where only morals are at stake" Fuck this shit. Not only did I fuck up big time, but an alley is just trashy. Why did I stoop to white trash level?
Your response is confusing. In one line you lament about your guilt but in the next line you mention how you might not be able to control yourself next time and that it wouldn't tear your friendship apart if your buddy found out. What exactly are you worried about? If you want the honest truth, here it is. It seems like you want someone to justify your actions and make you feel better about it so you can keep going. What you did/are doing doesnt make you a bad person, but it makes you a scumbag. You can write it off anyway you want: careless youth, not her first liaison, etc., but the fact remains and you have a few choices. If this is the girlfriend of a good friend that you care about, then control yourself and move on. If the girl is worth it to the point where you're willing to jeopardize your friendship and maybe others over it, then do so. But beware of the consequences and don't be alarmed at the scrutiny that follows.
Well, never mind. You're a fucking idiot. I love how within two lines you admit that your friendship many not be able to continue the same way, then assert that your friendship is not going to change. Seeing as how she's the one in the relationship, not you, and how (according to you) she initiated things, you might want to ask yourself what kind of friend puts another one in that situation. Also, good call on not talking about it. Absolutely. That's how people get caught? Are you fucking serious? You need to decide, one way or the other, whether you're going to carry through something that admittedly makes you a shitty person, or let her know that you're not going to do it and not put yourself in that situation. Shit, for all you know she's written it off as simply another drunken cheating fling and has put it out of her mind. So here you are, agonizing over it, and she's not giving it a second thought.
I am trying to justify it. Hasn't even been a week yet. The more I think about it the more I think that I just consider her bf a good friend because that's what you do when a good friend of the opposite sex dates a great person. If we were actually good friends I should have told him about all the times it happened, or not actively helped to cover it up. You people complain about no action on the board and you get a great situation like this. You get to judge all you want, watch someone come unglued, hopefuly glue himself back together, then pester me again in october if I haven't started pestering you first.
My only real compunction here is that you consider HIM a good friend. Not only is the situation a powder keg (given that you're essentially jonesing for more contact), but the whole "I'm his friend" factor breaks a code somehow. Now, imagine a different scenario where you do not know the significant other, and hence you don't owe this stranger any kind of good or bad behaviour. In this circumstance, only the girl is at fault. You can't be responsible for how other people run their lives.
Best to just completely pull the chute and put the incident in the rear view. Completely. Eventually pieces of the façade start to break off and you, or at least another human being, are in deep doo-doo. Don't fuck up the Other Guy's life on an impulse. Or hers. Or yours. You'll eventually accomplish all three. If you can't justify it, that means it doesn't make any sense. If it doesn't make any sense you shouldn't be doing it. Big Ocean, lotsa fish.
If only it was that easy. I checked my wallet at the time and didn't have cash. I don't think it was a written off thing seeing as there were explicit messages about the fact that it had never happened before. Maybe she's insane, but I've only gotten is the fact that she just fucks around a lot. Like I said, I'm realizing now that I'm only good friends with the guy because that's what you do. If I've kept this shit from him forever, why can't I experience the fun part? Me and her will be the same. Am I really stressed because I'm worried I'm betraying a guys friendship, or am I just worried about us fucking and things changing?
You didn't have any cash because she took it all when you weren't looking, that thieving WHORE! After reading your last few posts, I've come to the conclusion that you have poor self control and you're going to end up doing the exact opposite of what you really should do in this situation.
Jesus H Christ, I have seen 17 year old girls more with it than you. Look, you want to know why you're conflicted? Because that's your dick down there. Because she turned you on. And because in your brain, you know, that thing behind your eyeballs, you know this whole situation is bad mojo, not a good idea, shady, and icky. Since you are such a strong believer in The Right Thing To Do, just stop, drop, and roll the fuck away from this one. Watch some dirty nasty porn, jerk it out a couple dozen times, and if your dick is still telling your brain to be a dumbass, jerk it again til you're raw. The end.
If she comes at you when she's coupled, she'll come at you when she's single. There's no reason to be the guy she's using. Honestly? She probably finds the idea of cheating with you hotter than she actually finds you. This is one of those experiences that people older and wiser warn you about but for whatever reason you think you're a special snowflake who has unique and exceptional circumstances.
Regardless of my opinion of the situation itself, I at least started reading this with a little bit of respect for you because you seemed to be in the midst of a real genuine moral dilemma, and no one wants to find themselves there. But the more I read, you're really just kind of being an emo bitch about the whole thing. Man up. Grow a pair. Say something and be done with it, or shut your mouth and move on. And if you have to think this hard about whether or not to be a decent friend, you clearly don't give all that much of a shit about your friendship with the guy. And the bolded line above made me want to punch you in the nuts. That's like saying "I thought about robbing a bank once, but I didn't do it and never told a soul I thought about doing it... so shouldn't I be allowed to rob the bank?"
At the end of the day - you're okay with hurting someone else. You don't owe him or me or anyone else anything - except doing the right thing because it's the right thing to do.
I will gently say that fuck the moral judgement. You don't have time for that shit, and it doesn't do you any good now. Dude, you are simply not being honest with yourself, her or your buddy. Lines were crossed, so shit cannot go back to the way it was before. That cancels most of the nonsense excuses you have. She's hot, you want to fuck her. The dishonest part is that you act surprised that YOU JUST NOW REALIZED THIS. If you haven't acted on it, so be it, but don't suddenly pretend to discover this girl is attractive when she "jumps" you. It's not small potatoes, because either way it has cost you someone you consider a friend. Whether that's him or her or both depends on how you move forward. Your confusion is nonsense and smells a lot like bullshit. Horny and drunk and the opportunity presented itself. Don't act like you don't understand that combination, because if you don't you shouldn't be drinking. This shit is cool now, but fast forward a few years, and it spells lawyers, guns, children and lives being torn apart. If you can't keep your shit together any better than this, get new friends or lower your limits. The other dishonest part is that you apparently trust this woman with some deep shit, but can't bring yourself to discuss this. That doesn't make any sense. I can say with complete confidence that you have to discuss this honestly, soon. It's not even an option, because you have opened Pandora's box, and the only way to close it is with that conversation. In this case, fuck the past. You have some hard questions to answer, like: can I trust her? Is this worth a friendship or two? What does not factor in is shit like who met who first (for fuck's sakes, really?), who or what she's done in the past, what you wanted to do in a dark alley when everyone else went to bed and what you would have done differently. Shoulda, woulda, coulda, did, maybe can all go take a flying shit. You need to establish IS and WILL BE. Figure out what exactly you want out of this situation, explain it to her, and move on. This moral bullshit will only haunt you later, and it sounds pretty fucking stupid.
Which, in all likelihood, she'll continue to do whether you fuck her or not. Obviously she's damaged in some way if she does this on a consistent basis. Why you would want to add more damage is beyond me, since you say you like her as a person/friend. So it's going from keeping the fact she's been screwing around on him forever to it's okay to fuck her, when if you're keeping that kind of info from him, you shouldn't be friends with him in the first fucking place? Dude, I thought my breakup had issues, but you have me topped 100 times over on the level of this is so not right.