At the risk of derailing, I'll take a stab at answering this. I don't think I can write well enough to convey the epiphany I had, but I'll give it a crack. Maybe if I reverse the genders in this example... (spoilered for length). Spoiler For the sake of argument, let's assume you're an awesome, hilarious, entertaining, attractive, and generally good value dude. You've got your pick of people to hang out with; basically, everyone welcomes your company and you've got more invites to social activities than you could possibly attend. On your Saturday night, do you hang out with: a) the people that think you're probably going to be funny and excellent to hang out with, and want to make sure you have a good time and keep coming back? b) the people that think you're probably going to be annoying, have already judged you, make no concessions to anything you want to do and will sigh and roll their eyes at each other any time you do something that doesn't fit in with their expectations. Additionally, some of these people want to fuck you, and when you don't want to fuck them, they will be cruel to you to try and get some self esteem back (i.e., reject you before you can reject them). It sounds like a rigged question, but I think it's actually pretty close to reality. Of course you're going to hang out with group A. It would be a terrible use of your time, and make no sense, to hang out with group B. Group B has basically made sure that anyone fun and awesome isn't going to have any fun hanging out with them. You know why you'd want to hang out with Group B? If you had serious fucking issues. If you weren't confident you could add anything to a social gathering. If you don't mind copping some abuse because at least someone is paying attention to you. If you didn't have any other parties to go to. So, all group B ever meet is this second type of person. Which reinforces all the stereotypes that led to them becoming group B in the first place. And you end up with this endless cycle of misogynistic bullshit, and the damaged women that attracts. You end up fucking people you don't respect, and grow ever more cynical, and you don't ever realize that there is this whole other group of awesome people that you have cut yourself off from by being a fucking idiot. Also, if you are an awesome person and you find yourself accidentally hanging out with a group B, how outgoing do you think you'll be? Are you going to be at your best and most entertaining when you're worried that everyone you're with actually hates you? Man, there's at least 4 women that in hindsight I realize were really fucking good value when you put them in a group where they don't feel like barely tolerated second class citizens. Ahh well. No such thing as mistakes, only learning experiences and all that. I just wish I'd learned a little faster. Wow, that got heavy. Now back to your regularly scheduling fuckery.
I sent this as a PM to Gaunt - but You Are Not So Smart has three articles worth reading that kind of relate to this - Confirmation Bias, you see what you expect to see. If you expect women to be whores? Your brain will cherry pick out behaviours to support your confirmation bias and reinforce your belief that women are whores. Asymmetric insight, you think that you're smart and fair minded. But in reality? You have a bunch of mental biases just like everyone else, and when you mentally divide yourself into a group (IE Men), you see groups that are other (IE Women) as being wrong and hate them simply because they are other. The Benjamin Franklin Effect - Being nice to people leads to better outcomes than being a dick to them. And you tend to hate the people you harm, and like the people you help to rationalize your own behaviours.
I didn't actually answer the second part of your question. This is a depressing way to spend my Friday afternoon, but it's a slow day at work, so what the hell. Spoilered for length and being vaguely depressing. Spoiler 1. It cost me a lot of awesome potential friends. Honestly, two of the sharpest, funniest people I know are my two best female friends. Going out with them is always a blast, and they consistently crack me up. Don't get me wrong, I still enjoy guy's nights with balls to the wall drinking games, but some of the best nights I have are going out for dinner and drinks in a mixed group, or hitting up a winery, or just bullshitting with them over a cider in the sun. More good people to hang out with comes in really handy, especially as you get older and your social group succumbs to children, and careers, and moving away. (And maybe I shouldn't admit this, but there's an ego thing here as well; let's face it, who doesn't like it when attractive women are laughing at your jokes in public?) 2. Female perspective and advice. Look, I'm about as far from a pick up artist as you can get, but I have no problems flirting with women I just want to fuck. When I run across someone I actually want a relationship with, though, it gets harder because the stakes are higher, and I'm less calm about the whole thing. 90% of my male friends I wouldn't discuss this stuff with; the remaining 10% give well-meaning but often apocalyptically-wrong advice. Having a couple of women I trust give me rock solid advice on how to interpret various things has been invaluable. No worthwhile female friends, no worthwhile advice. 3. This might just be localized to me (although looking at my good male friends, I doubt it), but the single biggest problem with not having female friends? Loss of emotional response. Most guys, at least young guys, don't sit around and discuss their feelings with each other. Just the thought is vaguely horrifying. And if you're spending your time getting shitfaced, and occasionally laid by randoms, you don't really think about, or need, emotions very much. They're basically an unnecessary pain in the ass. I actively tried to be as rational and unemotional as possible. That has its uses and isn't a bad life skill, but as a way to live, it's pretty fucking average. You (or at least, I) end up sort of a little bit distant and disconnected from things; life happens at a one step remove. And one day, when cracking the same jokes with the same people in the same bars starts feeling a little bit hollow, you can find yourself totally unprepared for what the fuck to do with yourself. That's a shitty place to be in. (Incidentally, it's also easy to get a little bit carried away with whatever you self medicate with.) Having close friends that you can (occasionally, not every damn day. Shit, not even every month.) talk over the existential shit with is a safety valve, and helps you figure yourself out. And if they're doing the same with you, you find yourself invested in their struggles, and you're glad when they get that job, or solve that relationship issue, or fix that lingering bad habit. So you find yourself a bit more connected to the world, and it feels like a much healthier place to live. This isn't even a male/female thing, just that in my experience it tends to be women that will open this line of conversation. Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to go snort lines off a stripper's ass.
That's like ordering the Kosher meal at Luchow's in NY. We loved dining out in London. Given the city's ethic makeup, there was no shortage of excellent Indian and middle eastern restaurants (we dined at the same Lebonese restaurant twice that week). There were scores of awesome bakeries within a very short walk of our hotel that made for a tasty breakfast before heading out for the day and the pubs provided a hearty base for an afternoon of pints with either standards of fish n chips or bangers n mashed. Ireland on the other had a ways to go in the world of gastronomy, though I did have the best Atlantic blue claw crabs there. And a rack of lamb. But 2/15 dinners ain't stellar numbers. The food in Maui sucked, except for the fresh pineapple. We bought fix for the supposedly best luau on the island and it was the worst pork ive ever had. But the Mai tai were strong, served in big glasses, included, delivered to the table, and the girls shook their T&As the way God intended, so I feel I still got my money's worth. After watch Bourdain's new show, I want to go to Singapore and Hong Kong just to eat. Those seem like my kinda towns.
Ahahahahaha. I have been to hong kong 5 times, and I've had one good meal there. It was a mexican buffet.Fuck hong kong.