TiB's potential New Mod? [WDT 08/13/10] HOT BOSS Theme

Surprisingly, not really.

 

In super exciting news, I'm going to my first gay bar tomorrow. My new gay best friend just laughed at me when I asked how I was going to get free drinks. I don't want to have to be a lesbian to do that.

 

What about if I said I had one. Is that sexy?

 

I'm in Central, SC. But I'm also all by my lonesome. What am I supposed to do? I'm not cool enough to go out alone and not be weird.

 

Ahem
http://www.spankwire.com

 

Stop being so selfish. Sometimes you have to give up what you want for the greater good.

P.S. Send us pictures.

 

It's taking every ounce of my being not to rip this guys clothes off and do dirty things to him in the middle of this bar.

 

Leave nooooooooow. Trust me.

 

Hmmm, I'm pretty sure the boyfriend would only be okay with that if he were there to watch. And he's not going to be there. So it's probably going to be a no-go on the lesbian activity for tomorrow.

 

It better be fucking good too. "Where intelligent discourse and depravity meet." is a pretty money slogan.

 

Well, Li'l Bandit and I finally came got home from vacation to the world's best waterpark. We didn't end up going tubing down the Comal river, because Li'l Bandit said he'd had enough of the water action. So we went to the Natural Bridge Caverns (the largest caves in Texas), and were totally amazed. I went there about 20 years ago, but I saw it in a totally different perspective this time; my dream house will have a cave system, even if I have to make it myself.
The best thing about this whole trip was sensing my son's excitement the whole time.
I am so glad I broke the law and continued on with our trip after the Texas State Troopers tried to stop us. Fuck them. A driver's license is just a goddam piece of plastic. I drive better than many licensed drivers I know (do you know how to drive with a trailer? Do you know how to stop a car without using the brakes? I do. So does the fact that I don't have a piece of plastic [which could be faked, by the way] mean that I lose all those skills/forget all that knowledge? I just bring this up for the people who repped and P/M'd me that I was an idiot for driving without a license.)

Sorry, I don't know how to put an attached picture in spoiler tags.
Edit: I know it looks like we were Photoshopped in, but those are real geological formations behind us.

 

I struck up a friendship with a Mongolian who immigrated to the US 4 years ago, when he was 23. Besides learning that the country has 40 million sheep to 3 million humans, I also learned that they eat many exotic meats in that country. For instance, this guy had eaten

-ostrich meat
-horse meat (yes, he swears this builds a lot of muscle and strength)
-camel meat
-wolf meat (says it makes you insanely hungry a month after eating it, because it's so hard to digest)

I was deeply jealous of the guy; why can't we have this awesome meat in the US, too? On the flip side, they rarely eat pork or chicken in Mongolia, since both are so expensive.

 

Hmm, that's got a degree of difficulty to it. Google Maps tells me it's near Clemson, but I only have one acquaintance who went to Clemson and he's kind of a turd, so it's not like I can ask him. You're four hours out of Charleston, which is the only place I've been in SC (it's a nice city, I thought).

However, don't get down on yourself that you are too uncool to go out. Going out by yourself can be fun and exciting. Consider all the friends and girlfriends you don't have to entertain. You can go anywhere you want, do anything you want.

Granted it's like 1AM there now, so yeah, don't go out NOW. But there have gotta be things to do like this weekend.

Do you have any talents at all? Go to an open mic. If you embarrass yourself, you're doing it 100% in front of people that you don't know. If you impress people, then you can start hanging out with them. If you don't have any talent, go to karaoke.

Seeing a movie by yourself is rarely embarrassing either. Go ahead, go see that movie that you would never, ever see with anybody else. Are you just hankering to see Eat, Pray, Love? You know you are. Go, enjoy, and don't worry about any of your buddies busting on you for it - because they NEVER HAVE TO KNOW.

Are you young enough to pass for a college student? Head down to Clemson and crash a party or two. If anybody asks, tell them your friend Dave told you to meet him there, but he's late.

 

Go to Greenville. Should be an hour or less and much better than anything else unless you just like to get straight up drunk in Columbia.

 

My friends and I agree on the philosophy that boyfriends are only speedbumps. Time to get it into 3rd gear baby.

On the topic of horses and building strength and muscle, I have a coworker who insists he was injected with horse horomones because of really weak legs or some shit like that. He said his slong grew 3 and a half inches as a result. I called bullshit on both matters, but he insists that it really happened and he doesn't seem like the type to lie about things. With the way medicine is going who knows what the hell they do these days.
People don't really get injected with horse horomones right? RIGHT?!?!!?

 

The look on your face (and your posture) makes it appear someone is ramming a two foot dildo up your ass.

Or you are about to drop the biggest shit ever.

 

Based on his toes Im going to say he's bracing for impact. Nice stache by the way

 

OH MOTHERFUCKER YEAH IT'S THE JUGGERNAUT BITCH, LET THE PARTY BEGIN!!

OK OK calm down.

Oh man, the pressure. I tell you I have been thinking about this all afternoon. What to do, what to do?

My usual custom title is "Mitigating Chaos" because that's what I do all day long. But should I go with that? I may have to offer the choice up to the mob as a sort of bread-and-circuses way to calm them down after what I'm doing to the forum slogan.

I agree that "Where intelligent discourse and depravity meet" is a pretty good slogan already.

My first thought was to do something inspired by the time that Drew Curtis bought "naming rights for a day" to the Fleet Center in Boston (now the TD Garden). He, in a double shot of retro-respect and protest against corporately-named venues, renamed it the "Boston Garden" (after its non-corporate-sponsored predecessor). But really don't we all like the new direction of TiB? I do. No reason to dwell on the past here.

My second thought was to adapt an appropriate quote. Like "I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy!" (I guess that would become something like "We'd rather have a bottle in front of us than a fat hippopotomus.") but that just doesn't seem right either.

Then I thought maybe we should go with something that captures our epic community power and inclusiveness. Something like "It's like match.com for the wheelchair-bound!" or "Hooking up the handicapped since 2010!" (Much love, 'Wheelz!). But then I thought: no, we should wait for that story to play itself out and change the slogan when it does.

I then - and I am a little ashamed to admit this, but in the interest of total transparency I will - briefly considered something totally selfish, like "Frylock is our God" or "Frylock's House of Bitches" but that would be gauche.

Then it struck me while considering great site-rebrandings of the past. Despite never having been in a fraternity or smoked weed, I am a fan of the Dave Matthews Band. I used to read the forums on one of the big sites for fans of the band, which was nancies.org. The site has been closed for several years now. The site and its forums were operating back when John Mayer was making it big, and the community consensus was that John Mayer was a no-talent Dave Matthews ripoff (remember, this is right after Room for Squares came out and before he displayed his jazz chops and earned some musical cred). The hatred for John Mayer on the board was truly epic.

April 1 rolls around and the site admin has, as an April Fools joke, and with no warning, transformed the whole site into a John Mayer fansite. He has legitimate John Mayer news articles, tour setlists, John Mayer forums, everything. It was a 100% total conversion of the site. A small note was put on the bottom of the site announcing that DMB was old and busted and John Mayer was the new hotness, and nancies was just following the trend. For those of us who immediately got the joke, it was the funniest fucking thing ever. For those that didn't, it was the most infuriating thing ever, which made it even funnier.

In tribute to that, I have decided on the next slogan for TiB. It shall be:

Spoiler

The Internet's #1 Justin Bieber Fansite

Since I know that, even with my good intentions, that won't sit well with everyone, I will indeed offer up my custom title to the members. I will try to foster community in doing so: y'all figure out amongst yourselves what you want it to be, and then once you have a consensus, tell Chater. I leave the process for deciding on what is "consensus" up to you. I will accept the will of the people on this one. My only request is that it not be something with potentially negative real-world consequences like someone's personal cell phone number or anything that would make Chris Hansen visit my house.

Obviously I would prefer something epic and cool, but it's ultimately your choice.

 

He had a girlfriend and even I have some morals. Not only did I leave, I told him no when he asked if I wanted to "step around the corner".

 

Fuck changing the slogan. It's solid as it stands.