TiB's potential New Mod? [WDT 08/13/10] HOT BOSS Theme

Toys man... it's all about the toys.

 

Mine is cut, but because I'm Emo, not because I'm Jewish.

 

If you must know...

Spoiler

NSFW

kidding

 

He's never seen it.

 

There's gotta be at least one cop on this board, I'm sure they can hook the girl who's flying out to visit HW up with a sketch artist.

 

Yeah, that'd be one sketch artist alright.

 

I've seen it and I have a picture.

 

Do you go around with that picture showing it to attractive women and saying "I've lost my dog! He's really friendly, please help me find him!"?

 

For our wedding someone gave us a knock-off Jenga game (the game pieces are so cheap they give you splinters). Most retarded/random gift ever, until we got drunk tonight and started writing random dares and shit on the blocks. When you remove a block, you have to do whatever dare/action it says, and if you get a blank one you get to write whatever you want on it. Example: "free-style rap for two minutes," "finish your neighbor's drink," "switch an article of clothing with your neighbor." If you refuse to do the dare on the block, you take a shot.

Greatest. Game. Ever.

It ended with me wearing nothing but my wife's booty shorts with "pink" written on the back, free-style rapping "because I'm white, and I'm tight, like my wife's pussy after our wedding night".... unfortunately most of it is on video.

And I wasn't even the loser.

 

Kinda looks like

Spoiler

...Right?

I mean, other than the hair color, DJ Paulie D is a Guile wannabe. Anyone else see this, or am I just really drunk?

 

If you've seen it, why do you need a picture?

This is like Jack Nicholson in A Few Good Men, who claims he gave two orders to accomplish one aim (protecting Private Santiago), yet also asserts that his orders are always followed. Since this is contradictory, Tom Cruise discovers that he was lying and had never seen his penis.

 

Or I took the picture so I could see it. CHECKMATE, TOM!

 

The jig is up. Just tell the truth. ...I asked him for a picture.

And thanks for that HW. It helped my self esteem every bit that you said it would.

 

There was also the little matter of the lack of packing on Private Santiago's part but we'll just skim on past that, mkay?!

 

Wait...Tom Cruise hasn't seen whose penis?

 

He took this picture of his penis right here.
Everybody lies.
You're accusing a young adult with muscular dystrophy of lying about taking a picture of his penis?
He also claims to have never flogged the bishop.
...
You know, stroked the salami? Choked the chicken? Abused his Ann Coulter?
Yes, we know what you mean, House. You're disgusting.
Maybe that last one is just my thing.
What's your point, House?
My point is, it takes just as much manual dexterity to snap a photo of your wanger as it does to beat a good time out of it. So either he didn't take the photo, and he's lying about that, or he electrifies his eel regularly and he's holding back on that. Go find out which one it is. Have Cameron ask him first; if that doesn't work try Foreman. Maybe that's more his style.

 

You promised to keep our affair secret!

And floating french fry, two words: Nurses

 

My fifth grade education on Human anatomy tells me to recommend you use every birth control possible for your first time. You'll be so backed up you might get her pregnant as soon as she leans in to hug you.

Other than that, just make sure your cum is blue and mixed with blood. If it isn't something has gone horribly wrong.

Trust me Wheelz, sex advice on the internet is always accurate.

 

If sperm doesn't come out of her nose, I will be shocked.

That and the jenga thing reminded me of something: It was a few years ago, I was playing Never Have I Ever with a bunch of my friends. One of the girls had brought her friend from home to the party, her name was something similar to Luna so we just called her Luna Lovegood the whole night. Anyway, my friend is up, and he says "Alright, I can't think of anything real, so... never have I ever had semen come out of my nose."

We all laugh, because it's funny and we're drunk. We all continue to laugh as Luna Lovegood looks around the table, and then meekly puts her cup to her lips and drinks. The laughing stops for a second, as we were all in shock, and then we laughed so hard I'm pretty sure more than one person almost peed their pants. To this day, it's still my first question whenever that game comes up. I struggle to see how it could even happen, unless you jizz in her mouth and then immediately tell the funniest joke you know before she swallows.

 

Well, I don't know if anyone cares anymore but while it was too late to go out last night when I posted, I decided I'd actually do it tonight. And I did! In a way. I wouldn't call the experience a colossal failure, but it certainly wasn't a success. I found the address of some bars in Greenville and got out the door. 10 Minutes later I turned around to go back. 5 minutes later I called myself a pussy enough times to turn around again and continue on my journey. I got to the bar and sat down. It was about 8:30 so the place wasn't packed but there were still a decent number of people there. I figured this was the best way to go as I've found it is as hard to meet new people when the bar is empty(for obvious reasons) as it is when a bar is packed. I got a drink and started talking to the bartender and then started talking sports with a guy who came to get a drink. A girl(presumably his girlfriend) came and joined us and they invited me back to their table where a few of their friends were! I felt as excited as if I had just locked down a potential lay. I bullshitted with them for a little while and they asked me stuff. The initial stuff was pretty easy since I'm from really far away and am starting something new. Unfortunately, after an hour or so I had gone through all that, they begun to talk amongst themselves about people they knew. This sort of left me out. After a while of sitting there with not much to say I said I was going to get a drink as an excuse to get away from the awkwardness that was clearly building. I don't know if it was just me but it felt like every once in a while someone from the group would look at me as if they were thinking "what is this guy still doing here?"

So I went back to the bar and sat down. I started talking to the bartender but now the bar was becoming more packed and she had a lot more work to do. Funny how 5 minutes of silence with a drink can feel like an hour at a bar. I couldn't bear the awkwardness and left.

In retrospect maybe I should have gone back to the original group and said bye? I don't know. I wouldn't say the experience scarred me for life, but it wasn't exactly a blast either. I don't know if the going out alone thing is for me...at least I gave it a shot right? Maybe I should try again. Hopefully I'll make some friends in orientation