Find this chick, have hot lesbian sex with her, and beat him at his own game. Or just fuck a couple black guys.
So, to recap for those of you that are too drunk/ADHD/tl;dr to follow along at home - woman has no idea that my husband is actually married and specifically wanted to avoid married men because she didn't want some crazy bitch emailing her wondering WTF she was doing with her husband. As you do. And for the record, his name is not Joseph. It is close to that but not close enough to fudge it realistically. I can keep going but I'll wait for the rest of you to catch up. Questions? While this is all totally fucking true (and I will probably give me email password to any mod that wants to verify this), I might be trying for one of the best posts of TiB's 3rd year.
Wait. He, 50 years old, used an emoticon, one with a little goatee, for that matter, and yet the conversation continued past that point? EDIT: I just noticed the subject line. Christ, "Douchecanoe" sounds about right. EDIT2: I second IWSJ's suggestion.
Hey.. If she fucked someone articulate like Nom, nobody would look at her as a lesser person.. But now if she fucked a black guy like Kimbo Slice well.. The goons give us a bad name.
Or that I am such a harpy that he will wake up every morning dreading the life he has made with me and will want to commit suicide with every fiber of his being every day and that is sweet, SWEET revenge. Or something. Now, here is where I face the conundrum with you people. I can either keep going with the correspondence between her and I (of which very little info is gleaned) or I can (try to) post the letter that he wrote me that same night. I am quite drunk and am probably not going to be able to complete both routes and the PDF scan of the letter is locked tighter than Fort Knox but either way, it leads to my marriage being over, the last 2 1/2 sexless years being worse than they had to be (if that's even possible) and me wondering what the hell to do now. Either way, I need some dick... Isn't the New York meet-up happening soon?....
Douchecanoe was my wording. I saw something with Jon Gosselin in it this morning and haven't been able to get that word out of my head all day. Sorry! I'll get back to the rest of it an a sec. And SWEET JESUS CHATER!!!! I am sober now!!!! Not.
Wicked. Fuck him off and get yourself laid. Why the hell did there have to be so long in between Game of Thrones seasons. That show is awesome.
I mean, dude eats a mean pussy, so he was right in that regard. I totally lost my train of thought. Sorry.
There is a whole other day's worth of stuff but I all pretty much boils down to this: Me: Actually, I didn't go snooping through his emails. He accidentally put a link on the Firefox bookmark toolbar that pulled up a search through the ********@gmail.com email for your email address (that is also how I found out that the *********@gmail.com email existed a few months ago - he is not very technologically smart). I told him that he either needed to tell me who you were or I was going to email you. I guess he didn't believe me. Unless you have told him, he doesn't know that you and I are talking to each other. He cheated on me many moons ago and it went on for a while before he was caught. He swore it would never happen again and I stupidly believed him. The only good thing is that we have had two more kids since then (the youngest of which is still a toddler) and if I hadn't given him a second chance, they would not exist. He has had too many chances. He is a compulsive liar and will actually tell you that himself. That is one of the few sentences that comes out of his mouth that isn't a total lie. He told me, when I found out about the creepy scumbag email a few months ago, that he had changed the password and made it so that he couldn't access the account so imagine my surprise when I found the link searching for your email address yesterday. The real pisser is that I am currently unemployed so I can't afford to toss him out on his ear right this second. I so totally would though and if I could get away with it, I would never see or speak to him again. This is actually kind of a relief. This crap can't end soon enough. I'm going to go play a round or two of nazi zombies on the PS3 and go to bed. It has an oddly soothing effect on my soul. I will wrap this up tomorrow. Did I mention that I haven't told him that she and I have been conversing? He has no idea....
Shit, son. There's only room for one pharmacist here, and that's me. In other news: 0/3. Does somebody live in Toronto? If so, please head over here and hit me as hard as you can. I need to learn a lesson, and it's not about to come from within.