Slept with my keys in my pocket last night. Smart. As a bonus, my daughter did a header into our bedframe on her birthday so now she has a swollen, karate chop-shaped bruise right across her face like the 2x4 blow in Tommy Boy. Guess which one of us gets "The Look" in public? Daddy Joe Jackson (me), that's who. Why is it every time a kid gets a contusion everybody assumes you went Bing Crosby on them instead of considering that kids are in fact fearless, clueless, clumsy primates?
I don't want anyone to chime in. I had been watching Maury on my DVR. But I have stopped. Please, go on.
Went to a really shitty strip club for my friend's birthday last night. The highlight of the evening was watching a giant stripper fall off of the stage and get the wind knocked out of her.
Can you honestly blame us? When the world it full of as much dysfunction, such as what has been shown here in this thread, it's quite hard to give a shit. I wouldn't have enough time in life to be empathetic to all the people that I meet in my day, let alone some random on the Internet or stripper in a shithole bar.
Yeah, I didn't mean to kill the thread just then. It was meant in a humorous tone; not a judgmental one. I'm the first to admit, though, that I laugh my ass off when people get hurt. My mom claims that my sense of humour will get me shot one day, and she's probably not wrong. If it does happen, I'm sure my spirit will be standing beside my dead body, laughing hysterically at how I died.
We're opposites. I laugh first, often before I realize how badly someone has hurt themselves. Then I'm stuck trying to stifle laughter, which never works. Or trying to keep a straight face when I ask, "Jesus, are you okay? That looked bad."
Well said! And honestly, I know what this place is like. I certainly didn't post it here looking for empathy. I've got girlfriends for that. Though if one of you fellahs wants to give me a hot beef injection, I wouldn't object. *winks and makes blowjob motions at MoreCowbell*
I love this place. Without it, I'd have to drunkenly sext people I've actually met. I think there's more shame in that than sexting strangers.
I did also want to mention that our 13th wedding anniversary is coming up next month and I am seriously considering printing out the whole exchange between me and this other woman, gift wrapping it and giving it to him as an anniversary gift.
Fuck me, I started gambling online again last night. Jägerette is going to kill me. I only have bet the same amount as we have sitting in a bowl of change in our kitchen, but I thought I had kicked the habit, and promised her I had. Fuck, I had no idea how easy it was to gamble online here. Every other commercial on TV is for some online company to gamble with.
Is there a way that it could be used as the wrapping paper, but only visible on the inside? That way you can wrap a nice box filled with divorce papers (or absolutely nothing at all), and as he's confused and looking around at all of the packaging, the text should catch his eye.
Nah, he'd rip it all up in trying to open the gift. Very few people leave the gift wrapping in tact. It is a shame there isn't an "I know its our anniversary, but you're a lying, cheating tool and I'm divorcing you" card at the Hallmark store. I'd think that would be a good seller. You could actually be looking at a whole new business model. "Fuck you" cards. "I caught you cheating!" "We're getting divorced!" "You suck as a boss and I quit!" "You sexually harassed me, and now I plan to fuck you in court." "You're lazy and worthless and fired!" I don't know, could be a neat little niche market.
And I just got a straight flush that pays our rent for this month. So I came clean, and she is so happy (about free rent) she has agreed to not be mad and set a password to prevent me from going to that site.
Sex tapes make great anniversary gifts. Say you would have asked him to be in it, but you understand that he was very busy emailing this other woman.