She sounds like a delicate flower indeed. I am drunk-carving pumpkins tonight with Houseguest. I hope they don't end up looking like shit. I have zero art skills.
What.The.Fuck. Just woke up to see we are expected to get 8+ inches of snow on Saturday. The only time I've seen snow before Halloween was when I was living up in Buffalo. It's not supposed to snow this early in CT. The only good that comes out of it is I get to make peppermint schnapps spiked hot chocolate with giant marshmallows as part of my ongoing first snow fall of the year tradition.
I am partial to pussy pumpkins, when I'm sober enough not to cut my fingers while carving. Sometimes my husband won't let me do arts and crafts that involve knives, because there usually ends up being blood.
Coming to a theater near you: Hooker: There Will Be Blood, Part Two Rise of the Pussy Hmmm, that could be taken a couple of different ways...
I cut myself more often when I'm making wine cork crafts. Those things are really hard to cut after a few glasses (see also: bottles) of wine. Last time I did it, my husband had gone to bed and my friends and I woke him with our hysterical laughter. It was really funny until the apartment started to look like a murder scene from all the blood I was losing. Good times. That bad boy almost cost me my index finger. But now it's hanging in a really ritzy Italian restaurant in downtown Toronto that gives me free wine when I go. So... totally worth almost losing a finger for.
I am six feet tall. Like exactly 6'-0", barefoot. I have a buddy, who is about a year older than me. We grew up together, and I was always like his "little" brother. So, we go to separate colleges, kind of go our separate ways, and then end up in the same town together. One day we're talking, and he says something about me being the same height as him now. His wife says, no I think R-o-M is a little taller than you. This kills him, and he demands that we be measured back-to-back. Turns out, I am just barely taller than him, like a quarter inch or less. For all intents and purposes, we're the same height. One day a couple years ago, we're riding together and he's on the phone, and I hear him say, "yeah, I'm six one." I'm like, "Dude, you're six feet. I know, because we're the same height." He says, "With shoes on, I'm six feet. I've always got shoes on unless we're at the pool or something, so I'm six one." I just stared at him. So, when you guys say how tall you are - driver's license*, conversation, interwebz - is it standard to state your height WITH shoes on? *Who verifies this? I've been renewing for a while. When you get your license, could you just report any height you want? Then, if the authorities are looking for you, they'll describe you as 6-8, when you're actually 5-10, and they'll never suspect you!
It's not your height if it's with shoes on. Plus, shoes come in many heights. I'm 5'9" without shoes, probably ~5'10" with shoes, and a little taller than that with my hiking boots, which I wear frequently, so should I round up and report my height as 5'11"? IMO, nobody should say that their height is anything other than what they are when barefoot. The licensing department only sanity checks what you put down. They don't measure you, but if you report that you're significantly different than you actually are, they'll say something. A friend of mine tried to report his height as 6'3" when we're actually the same height and they made him change it.
Just because that Swiss Army knife has a corkscrew on it doesn't mean you should've cut the corks with it. You should've used a band saw, then you REALLY could almost lose a finger.
I did it more as a joke, I also refused to donate organs because of the Chris Rock bit (since have become a donor). They don't do a weigh in at the fucking DMV they take you at your word. Being measured at the doctors I am 5'5" and a half but saying that every damn time is ehh. At my height an extra half inch more or less isn't going to mean dick. Funny thing is, is that growing up I never truly felt short until the day in high school the preemy kid in my grade had his growth spurt and ended up a inch or so taller than me. Having spent years in school with a kid that was significantly smaller and then seeing this runt pass me in height kind of humbled me. Made me think for the first time everyone else significantly taller (read: inch and up) saw me the same way I had saw him, a small runt. Not that there aren't issues with being short but it was never something that truly bothered me. I was a foul mouth jokester so I never really put myself out there to be bullied in the first place.
I didn't cut it with that! That's just a picture from some craft blog about wine cork shit. I use different knives, and usually pick them based on how many glasses of wine I've had. I can't decide if I like serrated blades or not. And... a saw? My husband doesn't trust me with a butter knife, so there is zero chance he'd trust me with a saw.
So I just watched this double rainbow youtube video for the first time. How high is this guy on mushrooms? Does make me wish I lived out west more though. There is a lot of beautiful scenery and a lot of delicious game to be hunted.
Oh dear God. My boss just sent an email to her sons school, which specializes in education for mentally disabled children, and accidentally signed it "best retards" instead of "best regards." She's freaking out.
Did you tell her what an awful person she was for making fun of them like that? It's only right and proper to kick them when they're down in circumstances like this.
Tell her that, to make it up to them, she should offer to take them to the zoo and buy them all ice cream.