The kids were very well behaved this evening. Except for the girl, she might not make it if this attitude of hers keeps up. So I decided to have a celebratory beer. Yay beer! Then I found much to my chagrin I only had the one fucking beer. BigPerson was a very sad panda. Only one beer that is some shit for non-alcoholics! I wept. I moaned. There was gnashing of teeth. Then, when I thought all hope was lost, I remembered we had vodka! A beer, and three drinks later, I am a very happy BigPerson!
Pumpkin #2 is done. Why did it take two hours to finish? Because the beer I bought was fucking 11% and i poured rum-spiked cider on top of it. I am a sloppy angel tonight. To affirm, ghetto is white, does not lift his pinkie, and can use chopsticks like a pro. Pumpkins.
Speaking of fun times with substances, my friend sent me a picture tonight that she took on her phone. It's a giant weed nugget, about the size of her fucking palm. It was green, purple, orange, and who knows what else. It was like looking at some kind of stoner rainbow. It's almost like she did it just to be a tease, since she lives 5 hours away.
I think I just set a new record for lameness, I passed out at about 9:00 and woke up 40 minutes ago (1:30AM), wide awake. Alcohol shall be my hammer to rectify this situation.
I lied, drink number four you shall make me happy! And also you will be the magical hangover preventing drink. FUCK YOU SMIRNOFF YOU SHALL CALL ME MASTER!
Oh, and sorry for the double post, but as to the whole "who are we in real life vs. board life" debate, I think we all explore a lot more of the fucked up parts of ourselves because of the nature of the board. "Oh, BigPerson spent two stints in foster homes because his mom didn't want to be a mother," is a source of sympathy at worst, a conversation stopper at best, in real life. Here it is just a source for a couple of jokes, and then moving on to the next case of dysfunction. Obviously the fucked up, and dark shit that exists in people is not something to be broken out in casual conversation. As others have said, (I think it was Dubya.) everyone has different versions of themselves they wear to fit the occasion. I will say that, as far as my true self goes, only you "strangers" know me as well as my closest friends and family. And better than even some of those people.
Having seen a picture of your kids, if they're anywhere as cute in real life as they are online, I might be the biggest softie in the world. If I get paid back for all the bad shit I've done, my daughters will be drug-addicted, alcoholic sluts that can manipulate anyone that gets close to them, and not want anything to do with me ever. I concur on the vodka. A few very dirty vodka martinis later (with bleu cheese olives, thank you very much), I'm feeling quite wonderful, and am forgetting that I wanted to beat the shit out of almost all the rich fuckers sitting in my bar tonight. In fact, I might just have to post a prayer. Dear 8lbs, 6oz Baby Jesus, Thank you for whoever decided that bleu cheese tasted good with olives. Thank you for whoever came up with dirty martinis. Thank you for The Idiot Board, and all the wonderful people that post on it. Thank you for giving the Cardinals the ability to win the World Series. Please be with my Memphis Tigers tomorrow. If you see it in your heart, guide them to their 3rd win of the season; if not, at least don't let them get curb stomped too badly. And finally, thank you for the many ways I'm entertained, for having a nice life, people that love me, and only a few first-world problems to deal with. Love, gtg2k
Why did you all write so much? Now I have a lot to respond to. Don't listen to him, Ghetto. The picture means that 90% of the other posters are in the friend zone, and I wouldn't just give it all away to an audience that's 90% friend zone. The answer is yes. Although, I'm not fully bi, so maybe I don't count enough to answer that question with such authority. There was also some talk about Russians and vodka: I'm half Russian, and the other half is a mutt of various Eastern European countries, but I can't drink vodka whatsoever. I can drink a hundred beers one night and be fine, and then drink a hundred beers and a shot of vodka the next night and be vomiting the entire 24 hour period following that night. But, my best friend is half Jamaican, and she's the same way with rum, and I love rum. She loves vodka. We switched somewhere along the way. Also, I'm sorry to do this, but I need to do that thing where I share something disgusting I just saw with someone else so I don't bear the burden of having been the only one to have seen it, so somehow it's easier for me to deal with it this way. When I was on the subway home tonight, I saw this guy with his head in his girlfriend's lap, and she spent the entire ride popping the zits on his face. Every now and then they would make out, and then she would go back to popping zits. Then, at one point he lifted up his shirt and was like "Oh baby, get this zit on my stomach right here," and then he sat up so she could get the zits on his back. Then they continued making out. And the whole time, the girl had a friend sitting on her other side who was listening to music without headphones and only had one shoe on and was furiously scratching her bare foot while leaning on the girl's shoulder who was popping pimples. It was absolutely disgusting. I only had a couple of drinks but I just kept looking at them so they knew that if it came to that, I could bring enough up to vomit all over the three of them. Guh. I was at a reggae party and now I reek of pot. Usually when I drink and smoke at the same time, they cancel each other out and I feel sober and cranky, but all I know is that my cat feels so good to pet right now. He's so soft.
I had this exchange with my nurse tonight. "Notice anything?" (she got a haircut) I stare blankly, "Umm... hold on I know this one... you're wearing contacts?" "...Yes, but that's not it" "Um... new lipstick?" "I'm not wearing lipstick!" "...Hold on, I know this." "NOTICE ANYTHING?" She waves hair around wildly. "...your head grew?" She walks away. I turn to my other nurse and ask, "Did I say something wrong?" I amuse myself.
These are the reasons I usually see: 1. I fuck girls, but wouldn't consider a relationship with one. 2. I like it when they go down on me, but won't do it to them. 3. I just did it a few times in college. But let's not ruin this moment with some examination on sexuality, wheelz. Just appreciate it.
Why would you go from talking about beautiful bisexuality to horrid pimple popping behaviour like that? My erection faded into memories that won't. Terrible. In other news, I am half cut and considering my options; a) Bottle of good shiraz b) Bottle of exceptionally good Scotch c) Bottleshop for either bourbon or cognac. Thoughts?
Fuck, I forgot how slow overnight shifts can be. 2 more hours of work and 9-10 more hours of being awake. Fml.