We had good laughs in the office today with that last joke, Dufresne. The only thing "unfortunate" about this situation is that there are children involved, which has been completely been left on the back-burner and should be brought to the forefront. Other than that, for anyone to think these transgressions are anything less less than a predictable certainty, you live in a fucking dream world. Super rich, worldly-recognizable, well-built sports superstar, 30-something with a receding hairline: Slaying bitches hand over fist. Married or not. Middle class nobody, slender electrical engineering 30-something that drives a Subaru Outback: Awaits updates on boobie thread. Married or not.
The joke machine went to work fast on this one. He hasn't had a drive that short since he was 5. You'd think he would have used a driver. I didn't know you could slice an Escalade When you play that many holes, something bad is bound to happen. Today, Ping Golf announced it is signing Ms. Woods to an multi-million dollar naming and endorsement deal for it's new line of women's fairway woods. Their new slogan; "Elin Woods - clubs you can beat Tiger with" What's the first thing Tiger says after sex? Spoiler "I'll be home soon, dear." Q. Why did Tiger hit both a fire hydrant and a tree? Spoiler A. Because he couldn't decide between an iron and a wood. Hollywood is making a film based on this incident: Crouching Tiger, Hidden Hydrant. What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2:30 in the morning? Spoiler clubbing It was the black guy in him that bought the Cadillac ... and the Asian guy in him that crashed it
But if a media outlet didn't cover Tiger's transgressions they would be dishonoring their journalistic responsibility by not exploiting a celebrity's private life for a ratings boost.
I don't understand why any fun-lovin' celeb worth their salt would do the following: a) drive within a week or two of an 8ball binge or when you're wearing your drinky pants and thinking about them Jews, b) get married (and if you must, pre-nup anyone?). I seriously don't get it. I am careful to get my beer and head home. Even after a few I am too paranoid to drive to 7-11 for more and I have a spotless record. If I was rich I sure as shit wouldn't hop in my Lambo after a couple 5ths of Jack and brave the Malibu curves and CHP. I'd hire some idiot like me to do it. Same with marriage. Just hire someone like me to drop her off on the way to buy more booze. That way they could just stop by WhoreMart on the way back.
I heard on the radio this morning that a 5th woman has come out of the woodwork. Seems that much like going to the toilet women are more comfortable to admit to fucking Tiger in groups. I wonder how many skanks he’s been with over the last few years? It would help in discovering the percentage that have decided to fuck him one last time for cash and 15 minutes.
Everyone has been talking about how hot Elin Woods is, how could he cheat on her, blah, blah, blah. The answer to the why is simple: She obviously wasn't giving him something he needed at home. As has been said elsewhere, Tiger was driven very hard by his father, and was pretty much isolated from his peers at an early age, rendering his social skills nil. When he first asked Elin out, he was rejected with great alacrity. However, after she was informed about his wealth and fame, she quickly consented, and put out until she got a $1.5 mil rock on her finger. Then, she put out enough to get herself knocked up with 2 kids, and once she had her leverage, she was free to cut him off. Therefore, he needed to find a new sperm dumpster. Enter the mistresses. Quite frankly, I feel sorry for the guy. He made a mistake, and is now stuck with a golddigging haint that has the ultimate insurance. I'm not necessarily condoning adultery, but a man can only go so long with out getting some lovin'. His other mistake was not in covering his tracks. That means getting a secret phone, setting it up to where the women are compelled to keep quiet, and being vigilant in not getting caught. That's part of the thrill in adultery-the secrecy, the feeling of getting over, the excitement of "being naughty"-but if you're going to live that life, then you need to make sure the house of cards doesn't tumble. In this age, for someone as famous as Tiger Woods, it's virtually impossible to lead that life forever. However, he apparently led that life for awhile, and were it not for a few mistakes, he could still be leading it. There are children involved, and that is a shame, but I truly don't think Tiger is the only one at fault. In due time, I believe all will be revealed.
Why doesn't everyone mind their own fucking business? At least pay the man that respect. Jason Taylor has been elevated in my eyes by turning off the TV in his locker room when new about Tiger came on.
LOL , that would trully be awesome and I wouldn't be suprised if it does happen; but it would need the right type of celebrity. Probably some "bad boy" type where it does not come as a suprise and they are not reliant on multinational corporate sponsors to top up what they already earn from their profession.
I don't think it would take a bad boy type, just someone who is credible when they say they just don't give a shit. I think Phelps missed a huge opportunity with that marijuana "scandal." If he'd gone up to the podium and said "I did it, I have no intention of apologizing or stopping, I'll see you in 2012," he would have been my hero. Tim Lincecum fumbled the same opportunity.
If I had Tigers' money I would call a press conference and read the names of any of writers or talking heads who reported a story about my personal life. Then I would offer $500,000 to anyone who could prove they had an affair with them. I wonder how quickly some of them would shut up?
Phelps would lose every single endorsement dollar. The North American public wants a squeaky-clean image, as improbable as it is.
If this were ever to happen, I would be willing to put money on the athlete being someone like Ron Artest, Allen Iverson, Rasheed Wallace, T.O., Ochocinco, or Milton Bradley. Phelps would definitely not be willing to do this because of his sponsorships, Lincecum doesn't seem to have the attitude of the players I listed, guys who could legitimately pull off something like this.
Man-Ram or Papi? David at least would be loved in Boston even if he was caught punching a baby or something. Or it could be written off as episode 13 of Manny Being Manny.
Yeah but how much did he already make from endorsements? Maybe from my "poor" eyes, it would be enough already. Who needs $100 million when you have $10 million. He doesn't seem to be the type of person who would care that much. Maybe he is though because how much money is to be made from swimming other than endorsements...
I've got to admit, I'm a little upset with Tiger's "transgressions". An Escalade? Hundreds of millions of dollars and he's got to go straight to stereotype? Shit, what a disappointment. Did he have the aftermarket rims at least? Spinners? Where's the Ferrari/Lambo with the plaque on the dash that says; "Handmade for Tiger Woods, go fuck yourself somewhere quietly."? I guess it could of been worse, his wife coulda bashed the windows out of a slammed, bright green Mitsubishi Eclipse. (Also, no one has mentioned about this all happening in Florida. Which should surprise no one.)
Mo' money, mo' problems. (actually, the music video to that song featured Puffy Woods winning a golf tournament. Seems to have been taken off of YouTube, though)
There is an article on CNN about this, and it has my favorite quote so far. So just being the woman on the side was perfectly ok. But Tiger lying to her about his other mistresses? Because I'm sure you're special and it's not like he was lying to his wife to be with you. Yeah, that's worth getting bitter over. Yet hilarious. Tiger, Tiger, Tiger. What have they been feeding you?
If his wife needs someone to get back at him with...someone with a big (okay, slightly above-average) cock, I'm always available.
For some reason all I can hear in my head is "If you're havin' girl problems I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one"